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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23257480">Darkness Rises</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/apotofgold/pseuds/apotofgold'>apotofgold</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The World Was Ours [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Ben Solo Deserved Better, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Ben Solo is a Mess, Ben is Reys Icon, Child Abuse, Don't worry the next one will have Ben's Perspective, F/M, Follows the rise of Kylo Ren, I'm in love with Ben Solo, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Minor Character Death, PTSD, Past Abuse, Rey's perspective, She might also be in love with him, Suicide, There is a second part to this, This is gonna end in sadness, Time Skips, Triggers, Young Ben Solo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 03:07:20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>76,537</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23257480</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/apotofgold/pseuds/apotofgold</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It's Rey Solana's first year at Hogwarts after her escape from Unkar Plutt. She's learning how to adjust, when along comes Ben Solo, a sixth year who seems to hold a familiar sorrow hidden in his eyes that just might rival hers. As she navigates the ups and downs of her new school she finds herself mysteriously drawn to the older boy who holds the world on his shoulders. </p><p>A Hogwarts AU that looks at the fall of Ben Solo through Rey's eyes.</p><p>CAUTION: This story contains triggering material. Check tags for more information.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kylo Ren &amp; Rey, Kylo Ren/Rey, Poe Dameron/Finn, Rey &amp; Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The World Was Ours [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1672276</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>42</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. A Messy Childhood</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hi everybody, this is my first book on AO3 and will be a two part series! Let me know in the comments what you think about it, and feel free to point out any spelling errors or mistakes you catch. Updates will try to follow some type of schedule, but I can't promise anything. I hope you all enjoy it, this one is gonna be emotional.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rey Solana was hiding. </p><p> </p><p>She was laying on her bed, which wasn’t really a bed per say but more just an old dusty mattress. Swaddled in blankets she was trying her best to keep her breathing under control. In and out, in and out. If he couldn’t see her and she stayed under the blankets she would feel just a little bit safer. Or at least that’s what she told herself almost every time she found herself in this situation.</p><p> </p><p>Her door was bolted with the dresser drawer pushed in front of it. It was one of two pieces of furniture she had in small cramped quarters she liked to call her room. She had a window so at she got some light, at least she wasn’t living in the attic or the basement where she often heard the other kids crying. </p><p> </p><p>At ten years old, she could tell that something was definitely wrong with this situation, but she couldn’t tell what. It almost seemed like a normal occurrence, and while she probably should have built up some immunity to it by now, every time she heard the big meaty fists of Unkar Plutt banging on her door she was remembered what usually followed. It seemed like the only consistent thing that had ever happened in her childhood. </p><p> </p><p>Rey Solana wished she was hiding from her parents after they had an argument, or even from a stranger trying to kidnap her rather than the truth. Which was that she was hiding from the man who had taken her in at 3, her foster father as she liked to tell the kids at school. But then again she told the kids at school that he was a kind man, which he most certainly was not. The bruises all over her body from the time he shoved her down the stairs said otherwise.</p><p> </p><p>Her teacher had eyed those bruises suspiciously and had said nothing, which wasn’t a surprise as almost all of them usually didn't. Except for the one that had vanished a day after and a substitute had come in to replace her. After that nobody else had really tried. She didn’t blame them; she could only imagine what Plutt had done to scare them off.</p><p> </p><p>However, being confined to her room most of the time hadn’t left much room for imagination and once again, especially not during situations like this.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey! You little bitch. You better open this door right now or I swear I will hurt Kieran so badly he can’t walk for the next week” bellowed the very angry voice from the other side of the door.</p><p> </p><p>She knew he couldn’t really be that mad, as no matter how heavy duty that little dresser drawer was if she had the strength to move it he did too. He could only be half mad right now, right?</p><p> </p><p>“I fucking SWEAR REY. I WILL STRANGLE HIM AND THROW HIS BODY IN A DITCH” the voice bellowed once again.</p><p> </p><p>That was the most ferocious she had ever heard him, and coupled with the fact that he wasn’t even really beating down her door this was an odd occurrence indeed. But she couldn’t risk Kieran’s life like that. Plutt knew that he was one of the only people who treated her kindly in the house, the rest of them liked to play the same games Plutt did. </p><p> </p><p>So, she gathered up as much courage as she could and walked up to the door, but not before scratching another mark into the wall to count the inevitable day of torture even her little ten-year-old brain knew was coming.</p><p> </p><p>Rey moved the dresser back to its place at the wall and opened the door to see something horrifying. She knew something was terribly wrong as soon as she heard him yell the second time. She could smell the alcohol radiating off of him and he wasn’t stumbling around like usual and slurring his words. That enough struck a chord of fear so deep that this time she was actually fearful for her life.</p><p> </p><p>Usually he would bang on the door, yell, and break it in before stomping up to her and grabbing her by the ankle while she was swaddled in the blankets before dumping her on the ground in the hallway and punching her so hard the wind was knocked out of her. He would continue until he heard her cries and whimpers of pain stop, which meant she was knocked out. But after he was done with that he left her alone for the next few weeks so as to not add to her collection of bruises. That was usually the best part of the entire situation. </p><p> </p><p>This time however, oh this time, he was standing there with a knife up to Kieran’s throat, and she knew he was drunk from the smell, but if it hadn’t been for that she would have known by the slit on the throat where blood was pouring out of the poor boy’s neck. The man was so drunk he hadn’t realized that he had actually slit his throat instead of making a threat. And in that moment, she knew what true terror was. </p><p> </p><p>A scream that sounded so like yet unlike her erupted from her throat, and the image seared itself onto her eyeballs and into her memory forever. The cold dead eyes of her favourite, the only one she could have ever called her brother. Even Plutt looked momentarily confused before he craned his neck down to look at the boy who was hanging limp from where he held him by the hair. </p><p> </p><p>“Fuck.” He cursed. </p><p> </p><p>Then he let go of Kieran’s hair, letting the boy crumple to the floor. She crumpled with him, grabbing at his shirt and pulling him into her. Her eyes were wide with shock, mouth agape. And she was shaking. </p><p> </p><p>She brushed her tiny fingers over his eyes, to pull his eyelids down. Kieran’s sallow complexion honestly almost rivalling hers, even if he was dead. What was Plutt going to do to her? He had killed Kieran without realizing and he was so drunk most of his mannerisms were almost as if he was sober. Tears began to stream down her face. What was he going to do to her? She didn’t want to die. She was only ten. Her parents were still coming back to get her. They would have never left her alone with this demon of their own volition, that she knew. But she also knew that they must have loved her, right? They must have loved her even a little bit to not leave her here.</p><p> </p><p>Her thoughts were cut off by the feeling of a large chunk of hair being tugged at with such force she thought it would be ripped out, causing her to stand up. Her usual three bun hair style now thoroughly distorted under the large, hulking hand. Then he began walking, dragging her with him, forcing her to follow. She watched as a large chunk of her brown hair drifted to the ground, confirming that he had in fact ripped it out. </p><p> </p><p>Where was everybody else? The other kids were cruel and just like him with their assaults on her, but this was too far. They had to help her. They would help her! They had to! Her thoughts swirled, pushed to the forefront of her mind by the utter paralyzing terror she was facing. The tears still falling and causing her to hyperventilate.</p><p> </p><p>“Shut up with your pathetic attempt at a panic attack. You’re fucking in for it now.”</p><p> </p><p>Immediately her jaw clamped shut. She could feel the cries for air at the back of her throat bubble up until she felt like she was suffocating herself. But anything it took to stay quiet. Anything it would take for her not to face the same fate as Kieran. Dear, sweet Kieran who had deserved better. </p><p> </p><p>Her answer to the question of where was everybody was suddenly right before her eyes. In the form of the youngest boy of only five years old, whose eyes she saw rise up from behind the couch momentarily before vanishing. They were hiding too, but unlike her they did it better. They always did it better, and once Plutt was finished with her usually they didn’t end up receiving any trouble. </p><p> </p><p>The release of her hair was accompanied by a push that sent her sprawling to the ground, making her land on her stomach, smacking her jaw on the floor. The pain shot up through her head, making her wince. She flipped herself over just in time to see him advance towards her, twisted metal glinting in his right hand. She barely had time to scream before he was upon her. She tried to wrestle him, kicking and screaming and trying to punch him in any place possible as he slapped her and lifted up her shirt, before bringing the knife down upon her bare stomach.</p><p> </p><p>She blacked out as soon as the cold metal pressed into her.</p><p> </p><p>……………………………………………..</p><p> </p><p>Rey woke up in the hospital a few hours later. Bandages were covering the length of her midsection, stained crimson in some places. The doctor came in and asked her a few questions. She couldn’t bring herself to answer, she stayed mute throughout the entire interview, staring off at the white walls in front of her. She felt hollow, almost empty. Would her parents ever come back? And when they did would they want her after what he had done? She already wasn’t like the Rey she had been when they left, but now? Even less so. </p><p> </p><p>Plutt had marked her forever with something she only knew to be true. A word she was sure would be present in her heart until the end of the time. </p><p> </p><p>Alone.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. A Curious Occurrence</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is already a double update. Hopefully it continues like this!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rey sat at Plutt’s table staring vacantly at the wall as she had been for the past six months since the incident. After the hospital had discharged her she had been shipped back to the orphanage or whatever type of hell this was. She hadn’t even asked what amazing excuse Plutt could have come up with for this injury. However, she knew that even with the beatings over the past few months none of them would ever match up to the pain that had been caused after the incident.</p><p> </p><p>The word was a permanent scar on her now, a constant reminder every time she changed her clothes that she was indeed alone. And would continue to be. Now that he had marked her with it she would never be able to escape it, deny it, or pretend that it wasn’t true. </p><p> </p><p>He had ruined her life, and she wasn’t sure how even when inebriated he had been able to come up with something so hurtful. Maybe it was after all the times when she was younger when she would light up talking about her parents, quite honestly she was sure the beatings had started after that.</p><p> </p><p>She got up from the table, dumping the quarter portion of cereal she got every morning, not feeling hungry for what felt like the 100th day in a row. </p><p> </p><p>She traipsed up to her room, and collapsed onto the dusty mattress that had seemed to have gained a few more suspicious holes. She grabbed the blankets that she had pushed off to the side when she had awoken in cold sweat the night before to another nightmare about the incident as she was now inclined to calling it. </p><p> </p><p>She liked falling asleep for days now, or hibernating. She had been taken out of school after the incident and hadn’t been back since. Her brain was turning to mush she felt, not having any books or things to make her feel like she was using the day for something useful.</p><p> </p><p> So, she had resigned herself to falling asleep for almost the entire day, only waking for dinner which was usually a few pieces of chicken and an apple. Once she had been so hungry she had eaten grass, but that had been a mistake which she regretted the next morning. </p><p> </p><p>Often times she forgot she was even hungry now, at only ten she felt like a shell of herself. This wasn’t what she thought life would be like. The other kids had parents, nice fancy houses, regular beds. She hadn’t even seen one outside of a picture quite truthfully, and she wasn’t allowed in Plutt’s room so there was no way she would ever feel one either. </p><p> </p><p>She felt trapped in her own head and sometimes the darkness and hollow feeling wound around her heart so tightly she thought she would never breathe or recover again. In fact, her heart felt so slowed to a point where she felt she was surely at the edge of death some days, but Plutt always had to ruin it with having the other kids dump cold water on her. Somehow he knew. He always knew, and she hated it. Hated him for it.</p><p> </p><p>Rey looked up at the ceiling silently wishing for something, anything to help her get out of here. For anything that could save her and take her away from this place. It just so happened that it was her lucky day.</p><p> </p><p>………….</p><p> </p><p>Later that night Rey heard a rattle at her window. She tried her best to ignore it in case it was stones like the time the other kids had thought it would be funny to throw them at her window all night. But this rattling seemed to be rather close by, and much louder than any stones could possibly be. She curled up into the blankets even more, hoping it was a dream that would go away soon when she heard a screech.</p><p> </p><p>She immediately bolted upright, scared out of her wits and screwed her eyes shut. Putting her hands over them and then slightly separating her fingers for her to be able to peek through. She had always been terrified of scary things. </p><p> </p><p>Finally, after squinting slightly she saw a large snowy white owl with its talons on her windowsill, shaking it like its life depended on it. It shone in the moonlight in a way only an angel could be described. She got up from the mattress and walked to the window, assuming that the owl had somehow gotten stuck. </p><p> </p><p>She pulled the window up and was greeted with a bunch of feathers to the face as the bird pushed in and flew straight into her room, settling on the dresser drawer near the door as its perch. What was she supposed to do? She was scared for the bird. If Plutt came in her room and found it he would certainly do something horrid just to teach her a lesson.</p><p> </p><p>But this bird looked like an angel and she certainly didn’t want any harm to come of it. Ever. It seemed to sense her worry and gauge the look in her eyes because the bird decided to bolt just a few seconds later, a letter falling from its talons onto the floor. She watched as it became a streak of white, blurring and fading into the dark of the night, until it disappeared into the moon. </p><p> </p><p>The purple-blue hued dawn began to rise, fast approaching and she stood staring out her window transfixed for several minutes after. </p><p> </p><p>But there was a letter, nagged her brain. The snowy owl had dropped the letter, and she had better check it out before the strangest occurrence in her life vanishes before she even gets the chance to prove its real. She scanned the room, looking for the letter but knowing in her heart it probably didn’t exist and it was a dream.</p><p> </p><p>She pinched herself. It hadn’t been a dream? She threw herself to the floor, grabbing at it. Eyes widening in shock when she discovered that it was addressed to her. Only her. </p><p> </p><p>It was from a place called Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. She had never heard of it before, but it was a school, and they had given her a letter. It couldn’t have been a mistake; her name was clearly printed there: Rey Solana. She stifled a laugh reading where it was addressed to: one of Unkar Plutt’s dingy little bedrooms with only two pieces of furniture. This was too good to be true. </p><p> </p><p>She pinched herself again, this time harder. She was definitely awake. Carefully, she flipped the letter over and broke the wax seal, pulling out the letter gingerly, like she was almost afraid that it would fall to pieces in front of her. It was her first piece of mail, and she was determined to preserve it as best as she could. Unfolding the letter with shaky hands and bated breath, she felt her heart stop and eyes widen until they were so large she was convinced they would bug out of her head soon.</p><p> </p><p>The letter read as followed: </p><p> </p><p>Dear Ms. Rey Solana,</p><p> </p><p>We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Students will be required to report to the Chamber of Reception upon arrival. Please find an enclosed list of all necessary books and equipment. Term begins September 5th, 26 ABY. We await your owl by August 29th at the latest. To avoid detection by Muggles, please use the entrance located at Kings Cross Station Downtown London, on platform 9 ¾. We look forward to having you at our school. </p><p> </p><p>Yours Sincerely,</p><p> </p><p>Luke Skywalker</p><p> </p><p>Headmaster of Hogwarts</p><p> </p><p>A school of witchcraft and wizardry? They await an owl? Muggles (whatever those were)? What in the world was going on? Rey knew this had to be a trick, it was all too preposterous. Of course, her first piece of mail had to be some useless spam or even another joke from the other kids. This was too far though, where had they even found a wax seal? </p><p> </p><p>Either way, this was the biggest waste of time ever, and she wouldn’t allow herself to be made fun of again, besides August 29th was in around a week according to the marks on her wall that she used as a calendar. She tossed the letter out the window.</p><p> </p><p>Hearing the stomping below, she knew it must be time for her to get up, so she mustered up enough energy to walk down the stairs where she was met by some grumbles from the other kids of a “Happy Birthday Rey”. It was her birthday today? She had forgotten. At least she knew her age though. She was now eleven years old.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Letters of Deliverance</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey everyone! Just a warning that considering how slowly the story is picking up so far (which it is to give context and establish Rey's character and personality for the second book as well) it might be a little while before we see our favourite soft boy Ben Solo. However, while this is Rey's perspective so it will delve into a lot of her feelings, the main  plot is based around her witnessing the fall of Ben Solo, so when we get to it we will get to it! I'm trying to grind out the updates really fast until we get there so I can have some peace knowing that I have gotten into the actual story, so the chapters will be up soon.</p><p>Please don't be shy and let me know what you think so far!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She had come to the conclusion that she was currently in the middle of the most abysmal birthday party ever. Absolutely dreadful. There was half a slice of apple in the place of a cake, and she was the only one there, yet she had been told to sit down because this was her birthday party. In fact, the precise words had been: </p><p> </p><p>“You’re having a birthday party you little bitch, maybe you’ll stop whining now and get on with life.” </p><p> </p><p>She certainly didn’t feel like she was going to have any trouble getting on with this. Today already had more firsts than she was used to. Her first piece of mail, and now her first birthday party. Somehow the thought wasn’t very comforting.</p><p> </p><p> Coupled with the lack of people in a house full of them just made her feel even more…. Alone. She had told herself she would stop dwelling on it and thinking about it every five minutes, but it was the only thing that ever came to her mind nowadays. She didn’t even have Kieran anymore, although she couldn’t quite remember the events leading up to the incident as well as she did the incident anymore. It was almost like a haze had been placed over those memories that just would uncloud itself. </p><p> </p><p>She was quite aware that she was acting far beyond her years, like- like- a teenager. She knew that because sometimes she watched their neighbours, the Davidson’s; daughter mope around outside looking sad but probably not as sad as Rey felt. </p><p> </p><p>The days had started to sort of blend together until they became so similar to each other she was no longer which day of the week it was, hence why she had missed the glaring fact that it was her birthday. The day during which she would wait outside the house for hours, hoping that her parents might come and snatch her up and take her home as their birthday gift to her. They couldn’t have forgotten when she was born, right?</p><p> </p><p>She looked around for any sign of Plutt just in case he had wanted her to sit there for the next few hours (she wasn’t particularly keen on getting any trouble from him today). And then as carefully as possible, so as to not make any noise, shifted off the uncomfortable plastic foldable chair. </p><p> </p><p>Rey moved quickly, but silently to her destination: the door. Her hand was just upon the handle when she heard something shift behind her. She winced, as was her usually her primary instinct. Slowing her breath, waiting for the attack to come, she was surprised to feel a light as a feather tap on her shoulder. </p><p> </p><p>Spinning around she found one of the younger boys, standing there hesitantly with his hand still in the same spot where he had tapped. He looked just as surprised as she was, and instantly recoiled. This confused her immensely. She couldn’t quite remember ever seeing this little boy around here. Was he a new one? </p><p> </p><p>She moved closer to him, placing her hands on his shoulder and twisting him around, scanning for any bruising that could often be found on one of the kids. He had none. Was he really new then? His eyes were practically bulging out of his head at this point now, and she realized he couldn’t be any older than eight. </p><p> </p><p>She couldn’t recall his face, but nevertheless thought it was only fitting that she show this little boy some form of kindness in his first few days here, if he had even been here for only the past few days. </p><p> </p><p>Rey took his hand and pushed open the door, leading him outside to the softest patch of grass, and pulled him down into a seated position with her. They sat there together for hours, waiting for Rey’s parents. She never felt the need to tell him what they were doing, and he never asked. </p><p> </p><p>………………</p><p>Rey had fallen asleep waiting for her parents. She only awoke when the last rays of sunlight were left on the horizon, trying desperately to stay in the sky, before being pulled away by the dark of the night. </p><p> </p><p>Scrambling to her feet she felt a sharp pain in her stomach, clutching at it she realized that all she had eaten all day was a half slice of an apple, and dinner was probably over. She would need to scavenge for it somewhere in the kitchen. </p><p> </p><p>Throwing open the door she ran into the tiny kitchen, and opened the fridge finding an entire sandwich sitting there. Maybe she was really getting a birthday gift after all, hopefully Plutt wouldn’t miss it and he was too busy getting drunk in his room. That should be distraction enough for him not to miss such a delicacy. It was loaded with all sorts of meats and vegetables and just looking at it made her stomach almost protest and say it was probably going to throw it all up later if she tried to devour the entire thing.</p><p> </p><p>That made her see reason. She could eat the other half of it tomorrow morning so that it would stay down, and she could continue to enjoy this heaven for one more day. </p><p> </p><p>She scarfed it down, not bothering to take measured bites as she told herself she should and promptly felt like she was swollen. This slightly deterred her, but it was better than the hunger. So, she dragged herself up the stairs and found herself in front of the door to her room. Twisting the handle, she found that the door itself was stuck. Almost as if something was obstructing it. </p><p> </p><p>Managing a quiet yet enraged sigh, she tried jiggling the handle again to no avail. Now she was upset, if she couldn’t get into her room how would she sleep tonight, it was freezing in the hallway and she would not sleep downstairs where she would get attacked in the morning. </p><p> </p><p>Resigned to herself, she decided it would not hurt to try once again. This time the door gave way slightly, and she poked her head in the room to see what was blocking the door when she came face to face with a mountain of letters.</p><p> </p><p>Rey was shocked. There were enough letters in there to have put an entire paper mill out of business. How had they gotten there? Why were there so many? How was she even going to get in the room, and then get them out for her to even have her mattress to sleep on? </p><p> </p><p>She gave the door another push and this time the letters gave way, sliding down and bottoming out on the floor, leaving her enough space to be able to enter the room. She prayed she wouldn’t get any papercuts as she slowly set one foot down into the mess, finding that it reached up to her thigh, and she wasn’t particularly a short child. </p><p> </p><p>She waded forward through the mail, enough to fully get herself in the room before closing the door, hoping that none of the letters had escaped and were now sitting in the hallway where Plutt could easily see them. Wading further in she noticed that all the letters bore the same slanted writing as the curious letter she had gotten from that school. </p><p> </p><p>Picking one of them up she saw her name once again, clear as day on their front. Thankful for the moonlight streaming into the room that allowed her to see it she gathered a bunch in her arms and found once again more evidence that it was the same letter. She dropped them, save for one and tore into it, her eyes hungrily scanning the contents. Even the message was the same! </p><p> </p><p>She knew this couldn’t have been the other kids. Not this time. Maybe they had been playing a prank earlier, but they definitely didn’t have the means to pull this off. This school was… one of magic. Maybe it was really magic that brought the letters here? No. Rey believed in the cold hard truth of reality and magic just didn’t have its place in that. But she also believed more in the fact that there were no coincidences. </p><p> </p><p>Occurrences like this were odd once, but were never a mistake twice. If this was… real… she wouldn’t take her chances. She would accept. </p><p> </p><p>Anything that could get here away from here. Even if it was all one big scam and there were just more bad people on this end she couldn’t help but feel that she needed to do this. She was going to do this. </p><p> </p><p>However, even if she told herself that she was willing to do anything and throw her arms right back into another place exactly like this, she knew that there was something inherently good about this. </p><p> </p><p>So good that it almost shone and glimmered in the pale moonlight. Something like this could get her away from this tiny town. Jakku wouldn’t be her home anymore… this…Hogwarts would be. </p><p> </p><p>She would have to figure out how this was even going to be sent back, or how to address a return letter, but she would do the best she could. </p><p> </p><p>Now all she needed to do was find a piece of paper and a pen.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Escape!</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Another update! I'm having so much fun writing this story that at this rate I might just be posting one almost every day lol. Anyways, enjoy because we're so close to meeting Ben! Let me know what you think, this is my longest one so far.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Early the next morning, Rey walked down the stairs. There was something different in the way she was moving; a calm, fierce, and determined stance that had altogether been unseen in the house in years.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> Just days ago she had been moving like a person half dead, as if she had been broken beyond belief. The other kids noticed the change.. and it scared them. The kind of ferocity she was showing now wouldn’t go over well. No, it wouldn’t go over well at all.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>But Rey couldn’t care less. She was getting out of there, and then once she was out of school she would search for her parents. She was going to find them and they were going to be together again.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>It might have been a little bit of a pipe dream for an eleven-year-old with no connections or information about what their names even had been, but she would find them even if she had to move heaven and Earth to get there.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>While this whole magic thing seemed like the biggest scam of the century it had given her something to believe in. And Rey was not herself without hope. It was what she had been thriving on ever since she had been dropped at the front door of the tiny little foster home in Jakku.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She wouldn’t give up ever again. That she had promised herself.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Truthfully, when she grabbed a full apple from the counter (completely unheard of in all the years at Plutt’s) even Plutt himself looked taken aback. However, it wasn’t long before the scowl that could be found on him at any given moment graced his features again. He himself had a new reason to be determined. He had broken her once and he would break her again.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Not if she had anything to say about it.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Rey Solana was nothing if not a fighter. She felt a large hand enclose around her wrist, and she wrenched it out of his grasp (another unheard of thing, she was on a roll). Turning around and jutting up her chin at him, the flames could nearly be seen in her eyes, her face so defiant it would have scared any parent of a disobedient child. Height meant nothing to her anymore. He seemed to understand this too as he shook his head, grunting, before taking his place at the table.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She left the kitchen and went to the living room, littered with broken couches and armchairs. She knew she wouldn’t find what she was looking for there, but still it was worth a try. Her eyes picked apart the room as she took a large bite of the apple before she guzzled the entire thing down.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Locking on the study one room down she took a chance. They weren’t allowed in Plutt’s study, but if she was to find a pen and paper anywhere, it would probably be in there.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Now all she had to do was make sure nobody saw her go near it or they would tell on her and she would be right back at square one. Or another square she didn’t particularly want to get into.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>They couldn’t see her from the kitchen if she walked farther into the living room, and hopefully they wouldn’t suspect her of any suspicious activity. Either way she had around 8 minutes before everyone was done eating their apple slices and they returned back to the living room.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>In and out.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Eight minutes.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She could do this. It would work. No, scratch that. It had to work.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Tiptoeing forward, then ducking and bolting to the white double doors just a little bit ahead of her she would make it there. Now all she had to do was open the creaky doors and slip inside. She pushed down on the handle of the right double door and pulled it out slightly, praying with all her being that it wouldn’t make a sound. It didn’t.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She pulled it just a little more so she could slip her small body through the tiny slit she had created. She was inside. She was farther than she thought she would ever get. She darted forward, almost throwing herself across the large wooden desk in excitement, stumbling as she got to the other side. There was a large computer on the desk, and bunches of drawers. There had to be paper in here.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She grabbed at the drawers, pulling them out slowly so the sliding mechanisms didn’t make much noise. No paper. She tried another one. None there either. She wouldn’t let 2 out of 4 drawers get her down. Another one. Still no paper, in fact the drawers were all empty. She squatted down to the ground, looking at the last drawer: the largest one. Gripping the hand-hold, she pulled. It wouldn’t open. She jiggled it.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>It was locked.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Locked! The drawer was locked! And there was no paper in sight! A whole study and not a single paper??</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>If she hadn’t made that stupid promise she would be curling in on herself and sobbing right now. She stood up, seeing a small black, opaque pencil holder. She glanced inside.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Cigarettes.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>It looked like luck didn’t want her to attend Hogwarts after all.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>……………….</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Days had passed and Rey was laying on her mattress surrounded by the stupid letters. She had managed to keep them contained in the room. A constant reminder of her failure. It was enough to make anyone break. She wasn’t getting out of here, but she also wasn’t going to sit around and continue to get beatings for doing nothing. She was going to fight back the next time.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>At least that was something to look forward to. She could tell it must be close to the date they said the owl was to be given back by (she still didn’t understand what that meant), but then again she probably wouldn’t have been able to go through with it anyways.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She didn’t have an owl to send this back, if that was even what the letter meant. It was thoroughly confusing, and altogether too much to wrap her head around. So maybe it was for the best?</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>They still could have just been kidnappers or people who wanted to grab her for some extra credits they could turn in for rations. For all she knew they had given it to the wrong person. Sure her name was on it, but people made mistakes like that all the time didn’t they?</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Her train of thought was cut off by something hitting her window. It sounded like a stone. She wasn’t really in the mood for the other kids antic tonight, but she’d recently grown a backbone so this time she would give them a piece of her mind.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She opened the window, poised to give them quite the passionate speech when she saw a large Wookie standing on the grass below. She was befuddled. What was a Wookie doing on the grass throwing rocks at her window? She had learnt some of their language from her teacher, who had, at the time, seemed suspiciously obsessed with the species.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She blinked. The Wookie was still standing there looking up at her.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“What do you want?” she whispered as loudly as possible to it.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She got a loud call back in response: <em>Waiting for you to come down Miss Rey. </em>Goodness, if Plutt heard him do that again she was definitely going to get caught.</p><p> </p><p>
  
</p><p>Rey hadn’t had too many life experiences but this certainly seemed like it was about to be a big one.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Why are you waiting for me to come down?” she responded.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“So I can take you to Hogwarts”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>The last word had been a little bit difficult to decipher and she had to sound out the vowels before understanding what he had said. Hogwarts. He had said Hogwarts, right? Right?</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Her heartbeat spiked drastically, and she could feel her face morph into one of pure excitement. She was going to Hogwarts! Somebody had understood that she couldn’t send a response back herself! They had come to save her!</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Wait.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“How did you know I wanted to come? I never got to send a letter back”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“<em>I was told to come and see for myself about what your answer was. I was told you may have some difficulty getting a response out by yourself”</em></p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>She was jumping for joy again. Whoever had told this Wookie that had been right, and she couldn’t have thanked them enough. Maybe it was that headmaster: Luke Skywalker. If it was him then bless him; she could feel her soul call out to whoever in the sky was listening.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Another cry erupted from outside her window: <em>Hurry</em></p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Yes, she did have to hurry. She needed to pack. But what to pack? She had no belongings. She had that sandwich from a few days ago that she hadn’t eaten yet. It could still be good. Maybe she would take it for the journey.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The cry called out again, this time louder and more insistent. It sounded worried. <em>Hurry!</em></p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Plutt! He for sure had heard the Wookie now, and it was only seconds before he would come bursting in here demanding what the disturbance from her side of the house was. She grabbed one of the letters, tucking it into her breastband, and was about to open the drawer to grab the sandwich when the door burst open, almost breaking off its hinges.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Unkar Plutt stood there in all his meaty glory, eyes filled with rage towards her for disrupting his sleep. It took him a few seconds to notice the mess of letters piled around her. If looks could kill she would be six feet underground, and this time he was sober. Even worse! He was a wild card now.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He grabbed at her arm harshly, scratching it deeply with his sharp nails. She cried out. The Wookie made a sound that sounded like alarm before she was slammed to the floor, straight into the letters, Plutt’s hands around her neck.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Who’s outside the window Rey! Do you have a boyfriend you slut?” he raged, spittle flying everywhere.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She couldn’t breathe and definitely couldn’t respond as a result. She clawed at his hands, sharp edges of letters almost cutting and jabbing her eyeballs, but not failing to nick her cheeks.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The air was being forced out of her with such weight that she was sure her throat was going to collapse. She didn’t want this to be the last thing she ever saw. She couldn’t let it. She reached her small hands up ramming her thumbs into Plutt’s eyes, pushing as hard as she could.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He yelled and let go and stumbled backwards, clutching at his eyes.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“I’m going to fucking kill you!” he screamed.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She was terrified. But he was incapacitated momentarily. She took this as her opportunity to slip past him, making sure to bump into him with as much force as possible, sending him to the ground on one knee very hard.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She dashed out of the room, tripping slightly on the uneven flooring, the imminent threat of Plutt’s fury urging her to move as fast as possible. She had just got onto the stairs when she felt a solid push at her back, sending her sprawling down the stairs. She pulled her arms up to shield her head immediately.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She landed at the bottom, hard, and flat on her back. The pain shot up through her spine, so blinding it incapacitated her. She willed herself to stay awake, last time: during the incident, she had blacked out. She wouldn’t do that this time. She needed to get out of this house if it was the last thing she ever did.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The heavy footsteps on the stairs echoed behind her, and she shot up. But not before glancing back and seeing the familiar face of the boy whom she had sat outside, waiting for her parents with, standing at the top of the stairs. Pure hatred was in his eyes.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Betrayal shot itself into her heart and embedded itself like ice. He had pushed her. He had hated her enough to push her. He was just like the rest of them. She stumbled out the door, trying to forget the pain, and very aware that the Wookie might have just left because he didn’t want to deal with all the chaos.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>But he was still there, pure alarm in his eyes, arms outstretched. And sitting on a very large bike.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He bellowed out into the night: <em>Come on little Rey! You can do it, just a little further!</em></p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>And she willed herself forward even faster, so scared that she could almost imagine the feeling of Plutt’s heavy breath on the nape of her neck. The Wookie was just a hairbreadth away, and she jumped.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>His large, furry arms encapsulated her and pulled her to his chest. She heard the rev of an engine, and they were off. Speeding into the night. She could feel the wind battering the side of her that was facing the exposing, cold air.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The screaming coming from the house she had left behind followed her until she fell asleep.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>………………….</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She awoke to the feeling of warmth so comforting and unnatural that she was sure it was a dream. It had to be. There was no way somebody or something was holding her right now, not this tenderly at least. As if she deserved it.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Opening her eyes, she was met with a lot of fur. She looked up and saw the Wookie smiling out into the night. She was still on his lap, being held against his chest tightly as if she was a little teddy bear. Which she probably seemed like to him, considering his size.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She then took the time to look at their surroundings, or well, lack of surroundings. It seemed that they were in the sky. Wait.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>They were in the sky?</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Fear shot through her. She glanced just under the furry beast’s large arm to see glittering yellow lights below her. The arm suddenly moved obstructing her view, as if to tell her not to look down and stay calm. She would stay calm. Surely she would.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>This was magic, right? It had to be. Things didn’t just fly on their own. Maybe this wasn’t a scam. She turned her head to the other side and saw large puffs of cloud all around her.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>It was beautiful. Unlike anything she had ever seen before, not that she had seen much.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Then suddenly she felt something bubbling in her throat, and she was full on sobbing before she knew it.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The tears spilled over, and years of abuse, and heartbreak gushed out of her. She cried until she no longer had any water left in her body and could feel the soft stroke of a hairy paw on her hair, messing up her buns, which made her cry (without tears this time) even harder. She started to hyperventilate, gasping for air with how choking her sobs were, which further aggravated the bruising around her neck.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Plutt. The abuse. The incident. The betrayal. The lack of love. Her lack of parents. Alone. Alone.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>It all poured itself out, filling all the swimming pools in the world, and the sound of her cries were so gut wrenching the Wookie stopped stroking her hair momentarily to wipe a large tear from his eye (unsuccessfully she might add, as a large portion landed right on her head).</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She counted to ten, slowing her breath with every number until she had stopped shaking and she could breathe normally. And now she felt like screaming out to every rooftop in Jakku. She had survived! She was getting out of this place! And based on the kind fashion this Wookie was acting towards her she was going to a good place. So good that she would ever have to look back again!</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She angled her head upwards to examine her furry captor’s face.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“What’s your name?” she croaked out, her voice still cracked from the trauma to her windpipe.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“<em>Chewbacca” </em>he replied.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“I’m going to call you Chewie”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The Wookie let out a yell of approval and she found herself grinning. That was when her brain finally registered what Plutt’s final screams were: Don’t come back.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She wasn’t planning on it.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. A New Beginning</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm really starting to think this might be an everyday occurrence. But, I do have online school starting tomorrow so updates might take a little bit longer. The moment we have all been waiting for... Ben Solo shall show up next chapter. Enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She was scratched up, mottled with bruises, especially one she could feel painfully blooming against her throat. She had papercuts all along her cheeks from the letters, and there was a large gash on her arm where his dirty fingernails had ripped into her. But Rey barely felt all of it as she ran on the pure adrenaline that came when the bike finally touched down on the ground.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She had been up in the sky. And she was quite sure she was meant to be there. It almost felt natural to her. Which made her question a few more things: why had she been accepted into this school? How had she been accepted into this school? Last time she checked she didn’t have a single drop of magical blood in her veins, absolutely no indicator at all.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She hadn’t cast a spell, or- or even levitated off the ground. That was what magical beings did according to the books she read. So why was it that a school of witchcraft and wizardry wanted her? She couldn’t help but feel like she was on the road to finding out.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Chewie lifted her from his lap and placed her onto the ground before disembarking from the bike himself. Wow. He was even taller in person.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Wookie’s were generally gigantic she had heard, but seeing this one up close instead of from her window was mildly horrifying. She would have been scared all over again if not for how gently he had treated her for the past few hours.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He held his hand out towards her and began to lead her through the cobblestoned streets of London, but not before turning back around and bringing a stick out his pocket.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He waved it in the direction of the bike and she saw a bluish translucent veil appear and then evaporate. Well at least she knew she could see magic.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He then turned to her and waved it at her. How curious…</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Then he spun back around and they marched on forward, the dimly lit streetlights casting a yellow-ish glow onto the freshly rained on stones. The same kind of light was glowing in the windows and creating a hazy fog.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She gripped onto Chewbacca’s hand a little tighter, seeing the shadows grow as people emerged from the mist. Not all of them looked nice, in fact one of them snarled at her. Or at least it looked like he was snarling at her. The shadows on his face weren’t exactly helping his case.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She looked up at Chewbacca’s face, which hurt her neck even though she was tall for her age. He was around two feet taller than her. He didn’t look put off by the strange people looking their way at all. But if he wasn’t scared, she assumed she shouldn’t be scared either.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Besides, his job was to get her to Hogwarts safe. He wouldn’t let anything happen to her. She could trust him momentarily.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>They finally stopped in front of a building made of brick but sporting a black wooden door. A sign hung from it that read; The Leaky Cauldron. That was a charming name.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Chewbacca surged forward, dragging her with him. They weren’t going in there right? Into a place called The Leaky Cauldron. Goodness, that seemed like the opposite of what a cauldron was supposed to do.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She stood rooted in her spot, feeling the tug at her hand all too much, her limbs still weak from all the energy the escape had taken out of her.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“We’re not really going in there Chewie… are we?” she asked nervously.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He turned around, looking quite confused.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“<em>Of course we are little Rey. Where else are we supposed to stay for the night?”</em></p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>They were staying there? Would there even be space? It looked like the tiniest little building she had ever seen. But she felt the tug at her hand again, and gave in. She could probably use some rest.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Chewie pushed open the door and immediately the feeling of warmth spread across her like a soothing balm. It was like a muscle relaxant. They stepped inside, and she felt like a complete fool for misjudging the place. It was rather lively actually. The chatter that filled it and the warm glow of the same yellow light illuminated every corner of the tavern.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Tables upon tables of people were seated, drinks in their hands. Laughing, smiling. They didn’t even have to look at her. She felt completely welcomed by the entire place. She was then led to the bar and helped up onto a stool by huge furry paws that made her feel like she must have weighed as much as a feather.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>A kind looking lady walked over, clad in a dress with an apron over top of it. She smiled warmly at Rey. She wasn’t quite sure what to do with this information, so she looked down at her hands.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“And what can I get you dear? How about a pint on the house!” she chuckled, winking at her.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Rey recoiled, her eyes shooting up in honest offence. She was offering her alcohol? She wouldn’t touch the stuff. Ever. She would never be like Plutt, and never put someone else through the torture of someone seeing her-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“It was just a joke sweetheart” the lady said, leaning forward and offering a reassuring smile.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The tavern certainly was warm but now Rey was feeling a different kind of warmth. Burning… across her cheeks. She was certain this was the most embarrassing moment of her life. Darn it. Suddenly feeling very self-conscious of how she must look to this lady, her eyes darted around the room, so as to look anywhere but at the woman in front of her.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Oh gosh, and she had bruises covering her face. She must look like a right mess right now, this was absolutely not what she needed right now. She looked up to Chewbacca again her eyes screaming for help.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He chuckled at her and patted her hand. It looked like he was smacking a bug. Then he waved it off. She assumed that meant not to worry, but she certainly was going to worry.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>In all her worrying she hadn’t even noticed Chewbacca ordering her a steaming plate of bangers and mash. When the food appeared in front of her she froze. She hadn’t ordered this…</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She raised her hand, about to call the waitress back when Chewie cried out in indignation beside her.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“<em>I ordered it for you!”</em></p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Oh. She just couldn’t help embarrassing herself. Suddenly, she wasn’t quite sure a scavenger like her really fit into a place like this. She couldn’t even take simple jokes, how was she supposed to respond when kids her age made them?</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Although Rey knew she would be wary of them at first there had to be at least one nice one. The world didn’t get by on having cruel people everywhere. Although she did have to choose wisely, the last kid who she had spent time with had pushed her down the stairs.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Besides, she had something new that would help her out. She had hope. And once she was settled into Hogwarts she would try and figure out where her parents were. Maybe Headmaster Luke Skywalker could help her out. Wait! She still had the letter in her breastband. She should probably keep that in case she needed proof to show that she had been accepted.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><em>“Miss Rey!” </em>Chewie bellowed.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Oh shoot! She really had to stop getting lost in her thoughts. Now the bangers and mash were getting cold. She focused her attention back on the food; thick sausages with a smoky smelling gravy draped over it, and sitting on top of the fluffiest looking bed of mashed potatoes.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She only really knew what this was because she had seen one of the kids at school: Missy, eat it once for lunch. And she wasn’t quite familiar with British cuisine. But maybe Hogwarts would help her with that.</p><p> </p><p>She picked up the fork and knife and tucked in, first tasting the mashed potatoes. They were delightful! So creamy, and the gravy was terribly hearty. Next, she forked some of the sausage and put it in her mouth. The juice dribbled down her chin. She let out a sign of contentment. Who knew food could be so wonderful?</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She was silently thanking Missy for also showing her how to hold a fork and a knife, because if that was the thing holding her back in this exact moment she surely would have started crying.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She heard a laugh, and looked up, meeting the eyes of the bartending woman again who was smiling at her as if she was the most precious thing ever.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“It’s good right?” the lady asked, placing a glass of water in front of her.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Rey nodded, mouth absolutely stuffed. She let out a contented sigh. This was what life was supposed to be like. Of this she was sure. She wasn’t deserving of the lady’s kindness for sure. If it even was real kindness. But she was ever so grateful for it.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Chewie patted her back as she continued to shovel food into her mouth, eating as if it would be her last meal. She wasn’t sure what type of food she would get at Hogwarts but it certainly wouldn’t be able to top this. She could feel her stomach expanding until it reached almost a breaking point and she instantly felt sick.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She dropped her utensils in alarm, and grabbed the water glass. Drinking slowly, she felt sharp pains in her stomach from being overfilled by food, and now even more so with the water.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Her stomach gradually increased in pain and she gasped, clutching onto Chewie’s arm. He lifted her off the stool and set her on the ground, exchanging a few words with the bartending lady which said he would be back in a few minutes to pay for their room.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Rey couldn’t compute it. Her stomach was paining way too much. She shouldn’t have eaten so fast. She had never had such a big or solid meal in her entire life. What had she been thinking?</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She was so going to regret this. At least it had been fun in the moment.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>……………</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>They burst into one of the rooms upstairs and she ran to the bed before collapsing on it. That single action was the biggest mistake ever. All of the activity from today reappeared and everything hurt. She saw Chewie wave the stick at her through her pain, and now she was sure that this was the worst pain she had ever felt (and been awake for). Her stomach hurt, and so did her entire body.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She groaned. How was she supposed to move? Even breathing hurt.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Chewbacca approached her and shook his head. He placed his paws on either side of her face, gently patting her bruised and scratched cheeks.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Then she felt the familiar rising of bile in her throat, and she darted to the washroom, crashing to her knees, throwing up until there was nothing left in her stomach. So much for her first ever good meal. Most of it had just thrown itself down the toilet.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She fell backwards onto the floor, and put her hands up to her face, trying to shield her face from the disgust she knew was probably on Chewie’s face currently. Then she sat up quickly, looking apologetically at him.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“I’m so sorry, I just wasted all of your money, and you were so kind to me and I understand if you don’t want me around any-“ she cried out, and was cut off by an almost deafening retort</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Little Rey! It’s alright. You have been through a lot. Tomorrow we will get more food, do not worry”</em>
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</p><p>Her face dissolved into a watery smile.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Thank you” she said.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She stood up, using the sink as a support to stop her from falling over, finding that all of a sudden it wasn’t too hard to get up again. She reckoned that the adrenaline had kicked in again and next time she flopped onto that bed she would be so out of it she wouldn’t be able to walk for the next few days.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Chewie do you think I would be able to have a bath? I haven’t had one a while” she asked.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><em>“Of course little one, whatever you would like” </em>he replied, baring his teeth in what looked like a smile.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She pushed the door closed, before turning to the mirror. She looked ghastly. She thought she knew what the bruises looked like… but these… these were even worse. She looked deformed. The greys and purples were so violently present on her face she might as well have been attacked with a metal pole.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She turned to the side and saw the deep scratches where skin and flesh was torn through from his nails, and once again more bruising. It was even worse on her legs she found out when the leggings were off. Her knees looked so banged up she was surprised she could even walk.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Her neck…. Her neck was a specimen in itself. The skin was torn and recognizable handprints were there. She gingerly lifted her fingers, poking it, before hissing in pain. At least the little papercuts on her cheeks weren’t that bad. She reached up to the three buns in her hair, now big puffs of tangled hair and pulled them out.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She held her breath, removing the white wraps and breastband. The letter falling out onto the floor which she picked up and placed on the counter.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She didn’t want to look up, knowing exactly what she would find there. She had never seen it herself, fully at least. She had seen the stitches, and the bandages, and even vaguely when she looked down at her stomach. But never full frontal.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She would need to use a little bit of courage for this.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Inhale. Exhale.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She looked up, and immediately a sob wracked her body. There it was. Bruises, some fresh and some faded, yellowish green littered the area, and in the middle… Plutt’s carving. The word was jagged and horrid. The tears streamed down her face, making her vision so blurry that she couldn’t see, and she sunk to the ground.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>It was horrible. Absolutely horrible. How could he do that to her? Did he really have to give her a reminder of her entire existence? Such an accurate one at that.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She deserved it. She knew she did. She would deserve it until she could find a reason not to.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Pushing herself off of the ground she climbed into the shower, letting the hot water relax her muscles. The salt of her tears mingled with the water, which washed away the blood.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She toweled off after she was done, making sure to cover herself immediately before she inspected herself in the mirror again. She looked interesting. Certainly, not what she had expected she looked like. Was this really her?</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The elastics she used to tie her hair were laying on the counter. Maybe she would look more like what she imagined with the buns in?</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She popped open the door, scanning the room and seeing Chewie asleep in an armchair. There were clothes lying on the bed, folded neatly.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She moved forward, picking them up and going back to the bathroom to change.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>When she exited, fully clad in nightclothes she went straight for the bed. She had never been in one before, but there was a first time for everything. It seems as if this Hogwarts situation had thrust more upon her in a week than she had her entire life. She slipped in. It was soft, and oh so comfortable and-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She fell asleep as soon as her head touched the pillow.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>………………………..</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>When she rose, she found that she felt a lot better. Her clothes were also miraculously clean. Shining whiter than she had ever seen them before. More magic she assumed.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She dressed, and tied her hair, noticing that quite a lot of the bruises had diminished to the yellow-green colour they looked like after around three weeks. Well that was good, maybe when she went out into daylight there would be less questioning looks.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She was about to throw open the door and head downstairs when Chewbacca appeared in the doorframe, stopping her and handing her a tiny scone with cream and strawberries on it. It was delicious.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>And a good enough size that she wouldn’t throw it up immediately. A perfect start to the morning. They went downstairs and Rey began to head for the exit when she was pulled back.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“We’re going this way little Rey”</em>
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</p><p>Through the back door? Well alright, it wasn’t like she knew where she was going anyways.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>They went through it and were met with a large brick wall.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Chewie, I don’t think this is the way back to the road…” she said very matter of factly.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He waved her off again before tapping on one of the bricks, three up from the trashcan and two across. All of a sudden, bricks started moving backwards. Rey stepped back warily, watching as dust started to pour out from where the bricks were moving, beginning to move diagonally and fold outwards, parting to reveal a most glorious sight.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Her jaw was practically on the floor, and she barely registered Chewie grabbing her hand and pulling her through the hole where a seemingly very solid brick wall had once been. There were people everywhere! And not just regular people, ones clad in flowing black robes, embroidered with crests, and differently coloured ties peeking out from underneath.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>This was the single most amazing thing she had ever seen. How had so many people fit behind this wall? And how had nobody heard them? There was no doubt in her mind that THIS… THIS was what magic truly was.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>They surged through the crowd and she tried to take in as many of her surroundings at once as possible. She had so many questions but couldn’t find it in her to speak them aloud. She was just so shaken by what she was witnessing right now.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>There were brightly coloured shops, what looked like broomsticks? In windows… books with teeth! Owls, and all around her children of different ages. Smiling and laughing with each other. She had almost entered another world.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>If she thought yesterday at the tavern felt warm and cozy, this blew everything out of the water. She had never seen so many people happy all at once. The thought itself made a grin find itself onto her face, so wide she thought it might split her lips.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>They reached a large, white building, columns upon columns, with the words Gringotts Bank printed in golden lettering. They entered. It looked so extravagant. And oh! There were people here! Who weren’t quite people either?</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>They had hooked noses and were wearing glasses…</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><em>“Goblins” </em>Chewie said, seeming to sense her confusion.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Goblins… right. Well her brain was surely about to explode. She had thought that these sorts of mythical beings weren’t real. In fact, Wookie’s weren’t even supposed to be real but somehow that hadn’t registered at all either. She had just taken it as it was. Like she wasn’t surprised at all…</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>They walked up to the counter, and she tuned out whatever conversation was going on to examine the place; all marble and gold accents, with crystal chandeliers above. She turned back to the Goblin and saw him hand over a large sum of credits.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>They left and moved from shop to shop faster than she could even realize what was happening. Chewie wasn’t quite sure what was going on either, as Rey had asked so many questions he had felt more tired than he had in years. They acquired books, robes (which were very comfy), and a large white owl; which she named BB-8, similar to the one that had dropped by to give her letter. The letter! She had left it on the counter at the room, how was she supposed to get in now?</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Chewie! We have to go back I left my letter from Headmaster Skywalker” she exclaimed, very worried about not being allowed in. It was her first piece of mail... she couldn't just let it go after all the trouble she had gone through to keep it. He waved her off again, as seemed to be a habit of his.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“We have to get your wand and then dash to the train station Miss Rey. You were picked up very late, most students have their things already or are at the train station”</em>
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</p><p>She pushed down the slight sadness she felt. Alright then. They would just have to take her word for it.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>………</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>They stopped in front of Ollivander’s (supposedly the best wand shop in Diagon Alley, according to Chewie). She was nervous. That stick Chewbacca had been waving was a wand, and now she was finally going to get her own. It was now or never. She stepped in and saw who she assumed was Ollivander himself beaming right at her.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He ushered her over to the wands and gave her a whole stack of them. She lifted them each out of the box, following his instructions and concentrating as hard as possible, trying to make something happen… anything. Most of them did nothing.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>One of them had lit his entire wand display on fire and Rey had been so happy that she had almost done it again, before he grabbed it out of her hands. She felt so bad that she apologized until he promised to hex her if she said sorry again.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Now she only had one wand left and she really hoped it was the one. She lifted it out of its box, and it felt… right… in her hands. It felt like it was always meant to be there. It was a titanium white with two doves carved into the hilt, and smooth all over. It was beautiful.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Exhale. Inhale.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She focused all her concentration into it, and felt something pull within her, surging… flowing… until… blue lightning shot out from the tip, and when she opened her eyes she saw that all the bookshelves in the shop were levitating, bound together by the magic flowing out of her wand.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Then as quickly as it had come, it switched off. Ollivander looked at her, mouth agape.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“What?” she questioned.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Had she done something wrong?</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“You…. That was incredible. I’ve only ever seen one other student with a similar amount of magic in their first time holding a wand.” He replied, the awe evident in his voice.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He reached towards her, fingers reaching for the wand, which she placed in his hands. She watched as he examined it, checking the box before gasping.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“It's unicorn heartstring, phoenix feather, and a third… mermaid scale. Made of elm wood, supple, smooth... it’s a twin core.” He barely managed to get out.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“A twin core?”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Yes, a twin core. No two cores are the same. Those wands with the same core, and are called twin cores, or brother wands. Another student at Hogwarts possesses your other half.” He chuckled. Now seemingly over the initial surprise, and looking rather like he knew too much.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She was speechless.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Let me pack this up for you and you can be on your way Miss Rey Solana.” Ollivander said.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She promptly left the shop, a new wand in hand. Well that was an odd occurrence.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Chewie let out a warbled cry of worry at being late, his arms laden with bags from all of her shopping and BB-8’s cage, before beginning to run to the entrance of Diagon Alley.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She picked up speed, following the sounds of BB-8’s scared hoots, weaving through the crowd to catch up to him.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>It was time to board the Hogwarts Express.</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Platform? What Platform</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey, so I might have lied about when Ben Solo would be appearing. I didn't expect to get so carried away writing Rose and Rey's cute little interactions. Anyways, this time FOR SURE Ben Solo will be showing up next chapter. Enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Now that they were speeding through the heavy London traffic on a motorbike Rey finally had time to think. This entire magic thing was new, but she was ready to jump into it with both feet. When she got to Hogwarts she was going to work hard, to prove herself. To everybody. Nobody would underestimate her after she was done with them.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She had learnt quite a few things from and about Chewie; they were currently hidden under a cloaking charm so nobody would question a large furry mammal driving a motorbike, he lived in a hut on campus ground, and he had a best friend. Han was his name, and apparently Chewie missed him very much.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He was currently off on a business mission somewhere in Malaysia and was gone for months at a time mostly, and there was usually no way he could take Chewie with him this. For Han was a muggle, as it seemed they called non-magical people, and the area he had gone to was decidedly very muggle territory.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Chewbacca was waiting for him to return, rather anxiously he had added when he told her. They often accompanied each other on their missions but since this was a dangerous one that needed to be done without magic, Han hadn’t wanted to risk it. She felt bad for him. She couldn’t help but hear the complete love shine through in his voice when he spoke of Han.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>That made Rey wonder what having a best friend would be like. Would they be there for her all the time? Would she miss them as Chewie missed Han? Was it even possible to find a connection that deep with a friend?</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Rey had never had friends, rather just acquaintances. Kids in her class were often scared of her, observing the bruises or fight or flight way she treated each situation and stayed away. They had only spoken to her when they were in a group project, and a large amount of them were scared of her.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Specifically, after Xavier Brown had called her a few names and she had retaliated by fashioning a sort of staff out of a tree branch, and smacking him a few times with it.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She had been careful, and anticipated his movements, leaving him with just a few sore spots here and there, but she had done no harm. Or at least that’s what she had thought. His horrified parents and her teacher had been less than impressed with her handling of the situation.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Rey had held several weapons before, and she was rather skilled with knives and staffs. When she was younger she used to sneak Plutt’s large oak one out of his room and practice with it for hours, only stopping when she was tired. He hadn’t been too pleased when he had found out.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She had quite a few wounds that just wouldn’t seem to close after that, and the neighbours didn’t look too happy about it. But he had fixed that in the night when he approached with a heated knife, and pressed it up against her wounds.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>It had burned, but it worked. The scab was instantaneous.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The knives she had practiced throwing a few times at the large tree at the side of the house. She had created a mark for herself by peeling off strips of bark, and then practiced angling them just right so they would embed themselves in the bare wood.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>When the neighbours had seen that they had complained again, and after that she hadn’t attempted any sort of weapon training since. But she remembered how it worked.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She had even held a gun. Once. When Plutt’s business partners had come into the house and she hadn’t realized. She remembered that day clearly. Men in black leather jackets had been seated around the table, and she had just decided to sneak another apple slice for herself.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> They had stared at her as soon as they saw her halfway down the stairs, and she had half a mind to turn around and dart back up. But one of them had beckoned her down, and that’s when she noticed Plutt was looking a little green and shaky as he gripped the beer in his hand.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The man had spoken to her kindly, but with an edge to it. As if she needed to do what he said, and she had no choice in the matter. He had told her to pick up the gun that was on the table, pointing straight in Plutt’s direction. She had done as she was told, and then she was told to put it to Plutt’s temple.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She did. The man told her to pull the trigger, and she had frozen. She hated Plutt but hurting him in this way was something else, and the man had sensed that. He had begun to laugh, the rest of his friends in leather joining with him, as Plutt laughed nervously along with them.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> The man had snatched the gun out of her hands and told her she had some gall before taking her outdoors to his car. His hand had been on her shoulder, pushing her out the door.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Then he had asked her if she knew how to fix or hotwire a car. She said she didn't, and he had spent the entire afternoon teaching her. That was the moment Rey had become particularly interested in mechanics.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>But her memory of the moment had been sullied by the strange man’s actions towards her next. He had pulled her close, his face so close to hers she could feel his warm breath on her face, and it wasn’t pleasant.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> He had drawn her even closer, and she felt that she didn’t like how it had made her feel: uncomfortable, so she punched him square in the stomach. He had stepped back, quite surprised, before his eyes turned dark and she took that as her opportunity to run for it.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> She had bolted into the house, up to her room and slammed the door shut, leaning on it and putting the dresser drawer in front of it. The group of men left not too late after.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The next morning, when she finally found the courage to leave her room she saw Plutt was sporting a particularly nasty black eye. She had expected some sort of retaliation on his part, but he had left her alone for the next month or so.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She heard a strangled warble behind her, and was called back to the present. Chewie was letting her know that they were close to their destination, and she was relieved that she would finally be able to drop the multitude of bags gathered in her arms.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> Some of them were even precariously dangling off of the handles of the motorbike, which made her wonder why they hadn’t gotten an actual luggage bag when there were some in the window. That might have been easier to hold.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The bundles of white paper bags filled with brown paper packages were barely being contained. She wasn’t even sure where BB-8’s cage was, but she could hear him squawking from somewhere, so he was with them.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The bright red buildings, brick, and ivy were almost blurs as they continued to speed, weaving between various cars to get to where they wanted to be. After Rey’s first lesson in mechanics, she had sat in the school library as she often did during her lunch breaks, poring over texts on the matter. So she could now identify the different models as they whizzed past.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She was an intelligent individual, having read books on almost every subject, studying the content until she was sure it was stuck in her brain. She had read about all sorts of worlds and experiences, but she was finding that it was different to experience it yourself.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She had even been the best in the class and an excellent problem solver. She had undermined and outsmarted the teacher on many occasions, which made didn’t make her too popular with the staff. But… that had been back when she was still in school. She was worried. Maybe all of the knowledge had left her after her six months of no learning.</p><p> </p><p>But she was still going to do her best. Who knew whether all of her knowledge was useless. She was going to take a chance.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The bike came to a stop and Chewie lifted her off it, the bags all falling from her arms due to the jerky and unexpected motion. They dropped to the ground in front of her and she turned around to give him an exasperated glare before picking them all up and hanging them on her arms.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>When she was all ready to go she found Chewie was already standing beside her, BB-8’s cage in hand, who looked positively frazzled she might add, and all the rest of the bags. He motioned for her to hand off the rest of the bags to him, which she did.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>King’s Cross Station loomed in front of her, and she followed the Wookie through the thrush of people pushing past each other to get to their trains. They walked a while before finally coming to Platform 9.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Chewie stood in front of a pillar looking at her and then motioning for her to… come stand next to him? She couldn’t make out what it was that he wanted her to do. Where was the Platform nine and three quarters that Headmaster Luke Skywalker had talked about in his letter? She could only see a Platform 9 and 10.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“You need to run through Miss Rey”</em>
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</p><p>She looked at him like he was crazy. What did he mean run through…straight into a wall of plaster? She was not doing that, thank you very much. This was just ridiculous. Suddenly she heard a group of kids chattering behind her. They looked around one to two years older than her, nodding their heads in acknowledgement of her presence as they passed with a cart full of luggage. Then, they stopped at the pillar.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>A few heads turned towards her.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The smallest one spoke up first, evidently the youngest in the family “Are you here for platform nine and three quarters?”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Another one shrieked and smacked her on the head “Dimwit! You can’t go around asking people that question. Mother! Stella-“ the girl’s voice quietened to a whisper as she spoke to her mother. Glancing furtively at Rey a couple of times. She watched as the mother’s expression went from exasperated by her kids to a stern grimace.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The youngest one, Stella, was then grabbed gently by the arm and shaken a little bit, the mother obviously upset with her comment towards Rey. She wasn’t sure what to do so she looked at Chewie for help who gave her a look that said, <em>wait for them, they’ll show you what to do</em></p><p>
  
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</p><p>The mother then strolled over to Rey, now smiling sweetly before speaking “Hi honey, are you lost?”. Rey curious, what was this mom playing at? She glanced down for a second, to see the woman’s left hand behind her back looking like it was drawing something from a pocket.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Rey stepped back. She knew she sensed something off, and this lady was about to pull a weapon on her. What moves could she use? She didn’t seem overly threatening but she wasn’t going to chance it. She could move sideways and put her in an arm-lock to pry the weapon out of her hands. That would work.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She had planned her escape strategy, and executed it. The lady cried out in pain as Rey pinned her arm behind her back and pushed on her palm in a way that guaranteed she would drop whatever was in her grasp. A wand came clattering to the floor and Rey ran straight for Chewie, grabbing his hand and trying to pull him away in a hurry.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>His grip strengthened on her hand and tugged, making her stumble backwards. Chewie began to speak to the lady: <em>“She’s looking for platform nine and three quarters as well”. </em>Rey was about to speak but he looked at her unimpressed, effectively shutting her up.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The mother looked at them warily, not surprised to see Chewbacca at all. Then she spoke, “Alright dear, we’re taking some of my children through, you can watch how they do it.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She looked at the kids, out of the five, majority was glaring. Only two looked amused. Guess she wasn’t really making friends with them. She looked at the second youngest, a girl with black hair who looked around her age, and an older sister behind her.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>If she could guess, she was a few years older. The two of them looked different than the other kids, and even the mom. She assumed that they were either family friends or adopted.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She stood in place as the first child took hold of the luggage cart and ran full speed straight at the pillar.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Then suddenly, the child was gone. They had vanished. She had never seen anything like it... and she couldn’t wait to try it. The rest of the family members formed a line and Rey walked over to go stand in it. The girl who looked around her age turned around grinning, “Hey! My name is Rose. That was so cool what you did to mom. You have to teach me it sometime.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Rey awkwardly smiled back. What was she supposed to say to that? Thankfully, the girl turned back around and didn’t speak to her again. One by one the line in front of her got smaller until she was the only one left. She glanced at Chewie, before breaking into a full run, going as fast as possible, closing her eyes.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Then all of a sudden, she found herself on another platform. Looking up the sign read clearly Platform 9 ¾ . She had made it. A train whistle sounded loudly and her neck snapped to the direction it was coming from. Kids were crowded on the platform, getting onto the train. This was the Hogwarts Express it seemed. She felt a paw on her shoulder and Chewbacca handed her the bags and cage.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She panicked. Why was he giving these to her?</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Chewie! Aren’t you coming with me” she asked anxiously.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Little Rey, you must do this part alone. Don’t worry, I will see you tonight, and then you can come visit me anytime you want.”</em>
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</p><p>She grabbed at his paw, she didn’t want to do this alone. “Wait, don’t go.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He took her hand in his, closing the massive things over her.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“We will meet again.”</em>
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</p><p>“Hey! Are you coming?” she heard that girl, Rose’s voice in her direction. She turned to answer and felt Chewie’s paws release her. When she turned back around he had vanished.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Guess she really was doing this alone. A resounding squawk found its way to her ear. 

</p>
<p> </p><p> </p><p>Correction, guess it was just her and BB-8.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>……………………………</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She boarded the train, moving through the carriages to find an empty one. She had awkwardly nodded to Rose that she was coming but then hadn’t followed her through the crowd. She wasn’t sure them talking to each other wasa good idea. She seemed to have made a very bad impression on her mom and nothing good was to come of that.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Besides, her other siblings didn’t seem like they were her fans right now. Except for the one.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The laughs and chatter coming from each carriage made her uncomfortable. She was sure that not everybody could have known each other upon arrival, and yet they seemed to have made their little friend groups already.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Rey Solana didn’t know if she would find hers.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She finally came upon an empty carriage. She threw herself into it, closing the doors, before dumping the bags and BB-8’s cage on the plush velvet seat next to her. Now what? She knew this train would take her to Hogwarts, but how was everything supposed to work after that?</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She decided she could use some rest and was placing her head on the cold glass of the window when she heard the doors slide open.</p><p> </p><p>A heavy thump followed by a soft, “Hey! I’ve been searching for you; you didn’t follow me on the platform”. A sigh preceded this and Rey lifted her head to see Rose sitting across from her. She would give it to her, she was persistent. She could appreciate that.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Rose was smiling at her kindly, and she somehow knew that this wouldn’t be like the kids at school or the boy at home at all. This, Rose, was a nice person.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>A hand extended out slowly to her, “Nice to meet you again, my name is Rose Tico. And yours is?”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Rey, Rey Solana.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Nice outfit.” Rey glanced down at her white wraps and leggings. Unsure what to respond she went with a simple “Thanks” before adding, “It’s all you can really find in the supermarkets Jakku, gets pretty sandy over there”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Rose was gaping at her, “Jakku! That’s amazing, I’ve never been. I’ve never been outside of London actually. My sister Paige and I have been living here our entire life. But mom and the others have been all over”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Rey looked at the girl, with a question she didn’t really want to ask in her eyes, there was no way she was going to scare off the only girl her age who was talking to her.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Rose seemed to get what the question was, “Paige and I are soon to be adopted by mom. We were homeless a few years ago, but they took us in and helped us get back on our feet. And then they told us that they were magical, and then we found out we were too when Paige got her letter. I honestly was scared I might not get mine. Anyways, what about you?</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Rey blanked, “What about me?”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Like, what about your parents?”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Well this was awkward. She scratched her head, looking uncomfortable, before replying, “I’m an orphan. I came here from my foster parent’s place”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Oh. Um, sorry”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Now it was Rose’s turn to look uncomfortable.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“You didn’t know, it’s okay really. I’m just nervous about my first time here. I don’t actually know much about the wizarding world or Hogwarts” Rey blurted suddenly. She didn’t want to mess this up.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Oh, well that’s great! I can tell you more about it on our way there!” and on that note, Rose launched into an in-depth history of Hogwarts.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Rey was enjoying their conversation. It was light and easy, and Rose never seemed to push on any subjects that would turn the conversation awkward again. She found the hours passing really well, and in no time they were talking about mechanics and engines animatedly, only stopping when the sweets trolley came around.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The door slid open and an old lady looked in, “Candy from the trolley?”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Rose and Rey locked eyes before they burst out laughing, “I think we’ll try one of each of the most recommended items.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Now they had candies, pastries, and various chocolates piled on the seats, filling the carriage with the sweet smell of pastry. They had split most of the desserts in two, and Rey had tried all sorts of things: pumpkin pasties, chocolate frogs (those ones were quite exciting, she got Headmaster Luke’s card), Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans (which were horrendous, but fun) and more.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She hadn’t been able to do more than a bite or two of each, keeping in mind her stomach and not wanting to freak out her new friend? (acquaintance?) with all of a sudden needing to dash to the washroom to throw up.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Rose was slouched in her seat, the fading evening light casting a golden glow on her face. “I don't think I’ll have enough room for dinner, and we have a HUGE welcoming feast tonight”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Rey blanched, “We’re getting a feast for dinner?”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Rose looked confused, “Well yes, they always have one to welcome us back to Hogwarts according to Paige. Ugh, she warned me about not eating too much today before that, and now look what I’ve done”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Goodness, how was she going to manage. A feast? She had never had more than one bread roll and half a bowl of rice as a big meal. But all the same she was excited, what other foods could they surprise her with.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Rose’s eyes were now drooping as the light continued to fade and day transitioned into night, the artificial lighting in the carriage switching on. She could hear the soft snores coming from the other end of the carriage.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She dropped her head on the sill, feeling the icy cold glass press up against her. It was somewhat soothing, and before she knew it she was fast asleep.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>……………………</p><p> </p><p>She was dreaming.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She knew this was a dream, but it almost felt like it was too real.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Rey was walking through Diagon Alley, but this time it was deserted.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>There was not a sound, and all the streetlights positioned on the street corners and sidewalks were out, submerging the place in darkness. The shops were closed, and the entire place felt desolate. Dark. It felt out of place. Rey wasn’t used to dreams, she often didn’t have them, but this one was different.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She walked down the road, feeling her feet moving of their own accord. She didn’t want them to, but she couldn’t find it in her to stop it.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Something cold was wrapping itself around her heart, and she didn’t like the feeling, unnatural, but it was also so soothing. She let it continue as she found herself moving towards another branch off from the main road. She glanced around the corner.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>It was another alley.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>This one felt different. While Diagon Alley was light, warm, and exciting, this one felt mysterious and foreboding. Her body continued pulling her down further. She couldn’t tell what was eliciting such a reaction. She stopped in front of a shop: Borgin and Burkes.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Pushing the doors open she felt something wash over her. This place was creepy. Skulls were lining the walls, and it was dark. There was so little light in this place that it seemed like a dungeon. She inspected a label on jar to her right: Werewolf’s heart. That didn’t seem too nice.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Heavy footsteps echoed behind her, and she felt something slide into her mind. It was slimy and piercing.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Thissss is where you belong, young Rey. Feel how it callsss to you…..”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The voice echoed through her skull, the vibrations putting her off balance. She needed to leave. Immediately. Warning alarms sounded in her head. She needed to get out of this dream. The footsteps continued behind her until they were so close she felt her hair stand on end. She spun around to see what was making the noise and was met with something rushing up to meet her.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The last thing she heard was a heavy mechanical and distorted voice, saying, “I’ll show you the dark side”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>……………..</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She woke with a start, sweat dripping from her temple. She glanced around her, looking for who had made the footsteps. What was that? Why was it so scary?</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>And why was that place so enticing?</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Her heart was racing, and she noticed Rose still knocked out in front of her, mouth slightly open, still snoring.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Rey giggled, and the compression on her heart released and she could breathe again.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>That was odd…</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>…………….</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She hadn’t been able to go back to sleep, so when the train rolled to a stop she was not jolted awake by the sharp stop. However, Rose wasn’t so lucky, rolling off the seat and onto the floor. She shot up, red in the face, looking very embarrassed.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Rey couldn’t help but laugh.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. A Simple Glance</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When they finally got off the train everybody was already off the platform and heading forward, or at least what was left of them. Rey could hear the excited yells and whispers from where they were. The sound carrying through, slicing through the cold, and somewhat damp night air.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Rose was huffing and puffing beside her, hunched over, as they had run out of the train at full speed, after being found in an embarrassingly comical situation.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Someone had passed through to inspect and had been very surprised indeed when he happened upon the two young girls, arms laden with things. The wrangling of suitcases and paper bags had proven to be very difficult, slipping out of their grasp and making them bend down to pick them up just for double the amount to fall out again. Along with that BB-8’s cage had been a nuisance. As had been the bird, who couldn’t seem to stop squawking.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>As soon as they heard the doors being roughly shoved apart both of the girls had frozen in place, eyes wide, and hair wild. The man had jumped back when he had seen them, obviously disturbed, and at that moment Rose’s luggage decided to upend themselves out of her hands again. Crashing to the floor with a thump and spilling the contents all over.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The man, so scared by the crash, had screamed in an entirely girlish way and upon realizing what he had just done had promptly run away, red in the face.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>This resulted in the two of them doubling over with laughter, spilling even more over the place until the entire carriage looked like a poorly organized walk in closet. Poor BB-8 had been found under a particularly large lump looking traumatized.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The ensuing clean-up had taken longer than expected, and now everything was bursting at the seams but they had finally managed to put things in some sort of order that would be manageable.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Then, the train whistle had gone off, signifying the departure, and the two of them had turned to each other in a fright before dashing out of the door, jumping off the train before it could carry them away to wherever its next destination was.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>And now they were here, and Rose was completely out of breath. They had had a good amount of fun, and Rey could feel that this friendship was going to be a special one. If all went well this would be her first friend.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Rey knew that despite everything that had happened to her, and her inability to trust people as readily as before, that not everyone was going to let her down. And she had decided to hope that Rose wouldn’t be one of them. She hadn’t laughed this much in years, or ever really. She didn’t want it to end.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She looked over her shoulder at the red steam engine which was almost completely out of the station now. She wouldn’t forget what it had brought her to anytime soon, looking around for a sign that would tell her where she was she read Hogsmede Station. She would have to come back and visit sometime.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Come on, let’s go” puffed Rose, as she let out one final huff of air and then straightened up.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>They saw a small group of people enter a Victorian looking carriage, with what looked like winged horses, which were very wiry and almost malnourished looking. Their skin was dark greyish, and the heads looked gaunt. Somehow they unsettled Rey. She watched as one of them turned one eye to her, as if examining, which made her even more uncomfortable.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She didn’t want to overreact too much…</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Rose do you see those creatures? What are they?”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Rose turned to her, a puzzled look on her face, “What creatures? There’s nothing pulling those carriages Rey…”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Now this was getting creepy, yet they advanced on the carriage anyways. They dropped their things on the ground and Rose motioned for her to get on first while she piled the stuff in the back.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Rey had just about grabbed onto a handle beside where the door was supposed to be, and stepped on the foothold to get in when the door swung open, almost hitting her in the face. Surprised, she let go of the handle, falling back onto the ground with a painful thud.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>A girl’s head was poking out, hand on the door handle from the inside, mouth twisted into a sneer before she saw a hand smack the girls arm.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>An older looking boy popped his head into the doorframe as well, giving her a once over before frowning.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“You look like you could be a first year, and if you are the boats to get to the castle are over there” he motioned with his head to the right.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Just go on that path over there and continue on it until you see a lake. It’s hard to miss. Now be off, I doubt you’ll even find a boat at this time” he smirked, before slamming the carriage door shut.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The creatures rose to their hind legs before slamming their hooves back down on the ground, making Rey hurriedly shuffle back on her hands. Then they slowly began moving, the wheels of the carriage creaking slightly with each turn.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Help!” she heard Rose call out from behind the carriage, and Rey stood up, dusting her palms off on her robes. Well, she guessed the cleaning job Chewie did was all for nothing. She was probably thoroughly muddy.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She ran behind the moving carriage to see Rose jogging behind it, her arms pulling at a stuck piece of luggage. She moved slightly faster than Rose, gripping onto the flat side of the luggage, tugging.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>And the luggage came free, but combined with the forward movement of the carriage and the strong pull they made, they found themselves crashing back down to the ground. Great. They were going to look terrible when they arrived. If they even arrived.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>They stood up. Rey was now doubly as muddy and Rose had gotten some of it on her face. It just had to have rained before they got there. They had been falling all over the place all day. Maybe this friendship was a little bit too impractical for Rey…</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>But she abandoned all thoughts when she heard Rose groan, “Great, now the bags are all muddy too.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>And sure enough when Rey looked a bit of a ways behind her she saw what looked like stained bags and very goopy looking luggage. Rose must have pulled them out in a haste when the carriage started moving. Thankfully nothing had fallen out.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>BB-8’s cage was stuck in the mud, the bird splattered with mud too. His snowy white plumage was now more like a dirty woodland colour, and the displeased look he gave Rey was enough to make him stop squawking in a show of discontentment. Rose grabbed the bag they had just pulled free, grimacing when a thick glob of mud spread itself all over her hand.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Ugh”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Rey sighed. They certainly had no chance of catching a boat now. And this had gotten off to a god awful start.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>………..</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>They were traipsing on a muddy path through a smattering of trees, the moon shining brightly above them. Rey was very nervous. What if they really had missed the first boat, she definitely felt as if they were already an hour late. In which case, how was that setting a good example?</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She needed to show them that she took this opportunity very seriously.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She needed to prove herself. And that meant trying to avoid situations like this as much as possible. But then again, it was only her first day. Would they punish her? If so, what were their punishments like?</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Could they be worse than Plutt’s? No, wait. They couldn’t be. In all of the books she had read and all of the things she had heard parents didn’t usually do what Plutt did. But then again, he wasn’t really a parent. Or normal.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Rey had heard of parents yelling occasionally or even yelling at each other. But never of them taking knives to their kids, or hitting them. But how was she to know? She had gotten most of her information from eavesdropping, and people often omitted details in front of others, she would know.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She wasn’t too proud of her eavesdropping abilities, but they had gotten her out of a lot of scrapes at school. Once she had heard of a plot to jump her, but her would be attackers ended up being the ones who got jumped. So she knew they could come in handy.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>A loud sigh snapped her out of her ever-consuming thoughts. Rose was lagging behind, feet dragging ad she struggled to carry the heavy cases. Rey dropped back before holding out her arms. She had hung the bags and cage on her arms as if she was a human hanger, so she could take some of Rose’s luggage.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The black-haired girl gave her a look of desperate thanks, and dumped the largest one on her. Rey rolled her eyes. When she had volunteered to help, she didn’t know she was going to be putting up with the mega suitcase, but she didn’t complain. She had carried heavier.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>After a few more minutes of walking they finally saw a lake begin to spread in front of them. As far as she could see, and to the right of it, a castle perched atop a ridge. It was huge, and suddenly Rey felt intimidated. That was Hogwarts? It was an entire castle?</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Well bloody hell.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>………</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She had stopped in her tracks. Rey had never been much into playing princess, but if the other kids saw her now they would certainly be jealous. It looked magnificent even from far away, and she wondered how much larger it could get. If it was that humongous from across a lake that looked as big as a small ocean what would it be like up close? She was about to find out.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She felt like she was walking into a dream. This was going to be so different than her time in that dingy house in sandy Jakku. What would living there be like? She was about to find out. Somehow the thought made her excited, and slightly dizzy.</p><p> </p><p>She heard a cry of relief ahead of her that turned into a half sob.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Oh my goodness there’s still someone here! Please we need to get to the castle!” cried Rose</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She heard a warbled cry in response. Chewie?</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>That was Chewie! He was here just as he promised. He had said she would see him again and now she would. She ran forward before launching herself into his arms. Forgetting that she had huge luggage, multiple muddy bags, and BB-8 in between them.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He grunted upon impact, but still patted her back softly as he could reach her with the long arms.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Chewie! You’re here!” she exclaimed, ecstatic to see him.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He had kept his promise! He was the first one who had ever done that.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“<em>I take all the first years up in a boat. I was waiting for you to show up, and then eventually got worried that maybe you didn’t make it. I was going to stay for just 5 minutes more before going up myself” </em>he said.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She suddenly felt teary eyed, and her voice went thick with emotion “You waited for me?”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Of course Little Rey, we are friends”</em>
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</p><p>Goodness she was going to cry. Nobody had done that either. They had all left her. But he hadn’t. She was ever so grateful for the Wookie’s kindness. She gave him a watery smile.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“How do you know what he’s saying?” Rose suddenly burst out from beside her, the absolute shock registering in her voice.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“I was taught a little bit of his language in school.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“You were taught Shyriiwook in school? I’m assuming a Muggle school. Was your teacher some kind of a nut?”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Rey giggled.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“A little bit”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Come on Little Rey, Ms. Holdo won’t be too happy I brought you back in this state. Or that you’re this dirty”</em>
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</p><p>That was a cue to get moving, and they dumped their things into the small rowboat, Chewie taking the stern before they begin to move. Then they were gliding, cutting through the water at an impressive speed, and Rey could see the light from the castle reflecting on the water.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She gazed over the side of the boat and saw her reflection. The second time she was seeing herself and noticed that once again her buns had run rampant on her head. She tried shifting them back into position or retying the elastics but decided against it because the mud had tangled it, and she didn’t want to shove it in more.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Something glinted from far within the water, and she reached out to touch the surface. They skimmed the surface of the water, cutting it smoothly and suddenly Rey could see something moving towards the surface. As if it was swimming. It got closer, light refracting off of its scales in the moonlight. She leaned in, realizing too late that whatever it was, was not friendly.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The creature was now directly under her hand and she was the sharp glint of teeth and dark, evil looking eyes. Chewie growled behind her and she snatched it out of the water. The creature shrieked and bared its pointed teeth at her before swimming away. She was trembling. Whatever it was, that thing was inherently evil.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><em>“That was a siren. Do not touch the water. They lurk in there.” </em>An angry cry came from behind her.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Rose tapped her on the shoulder. She looked worried. “Rey I called your name and shook you. I told you not to put your hand in the water. Why did you?”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She blinked- once, and then twice.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“I didn’t think it would do anything” she lied, not wanting to admit that it had drawn her attention. She didn’t want to draw a similar creature’s attention. It had reminded her of the feeling in her dream, but not as strong. She had just felt it. The pull.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The she remembered the modified voice from the dream, mechanical and cold. She shivered.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Chewie, what were those creatures pulling the carriages? They seemed positively ghastly.” She asked nonchalantly, trying to look absentminded to draw Rose’s attention away.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She heard his reply, but it sounded deeply saddened “<em>You saw those?”</em></p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>She felt a frown find itself to her face, “Of course I did. Why shouldn’t I?”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He didn’t answer. So Rose piped up beside her, “I didn’t see them Rey, maybe you were still reeling from the train ride”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Her brows furrowed, “Yeah, I must have been…”</p><p> </p><p>……………</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>They had finally reached the castle and Chewbacca was trailing behind them. Carrying all the bags. BB-8 had gone back to his relentless squawking and Rey suddenly felt very tried.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The feeling went away as soon as they stepped foot on land and began climbing up the steps. She couldn’t wait to explore. There was already so much to look at, even one step had more character and adventurous qualities than a lead in Jakku. The air felt charged with… magic.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>It was all just so magical. She excitedly ran up the grey stone steps, the lanterns lining the short walls leading the way. She had to find some way to contain the excitement, but it was bursting out of her before she even got the chance. And then she was moving from the outdoors into the building and it took her breath away. If she thought the outside was large, it was just as big on the inside.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>High ceilings and massive staircases were the first thing she saw. And she knew she was just in some sort of stairwell but it was just so new that she couldn’t help it and-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Rey! You were running so fast I could barely keep up. You’ve got the best stamina I’ve ever seen and wow-”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>They were both standing speechless now.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“This is nothing like how I imagined- this was everything I imagined” the two overlapped each other at the same time before locking eyes and giggling.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Rose held her arm out to link and Rey looked at her confused. Not sure what she was doing, jutting her arm out like that, before she got impatient and grabbed onto her arm herself. Linking the two of them, before she started skipping along up the stairs, and Rey had to match her pace.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She wasn’t sure what this was, but it was…. nice. She supposed. At least she wasn’t holding her hand. Maybe as time went on she would get used to stuff like this.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>They went up the stairs to see a lady with bright pinkish-purple hair and a brown dress like a turtleneck with cutouts. She had brown leather armbands on, and Rey noticed they were similar to hers.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Hello girls, I see that Chewbacca has escorted you safely” she said not unkindly, but in a rather unimpressed fashion.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“My name is Professor Amilyn Holdo. Since you have missed my opening words I will have one of the prefects show you around tomorrow and explain the House system. You’re lucky you got here in time to be sorted, but you might be making quite an entrance.” she explained.</p><p> </p><p>She looked them up and down, grimacing, “We’re going to have to fix your clothes though. I’m not sure why you aren’t dressed in your robes Miss Solana-” she said with a pointed glare “but I will let it slide for now.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Then Professor Holdo took her wand out and waved it in front of her, muttering what sounded like an incantation, and Rey watched as the mud lifted itself off of her and Rose before disappearing.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Holdo turned around and pushed open the large oak double doors, revealing a massive hall with long tables arranged, and almost all 300 pairs of eyes turned to look at who was entering.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She gulped. There were too many eyes on her, and this was terribly frightening. Being the center of attention. She wanted it to stop, and to be able to disappear into the floor.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She could hear the steady click of heels from the woman in front of her, and she felt Rose tighten the arm link. She understood how scared she was. She felt it too. They walked slowly after her and Rey could feel the eyes boring into her. She hated this, she hated this so, so much.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>It felt like a walk of shame. Diagon Alley had been more people than she was used to, but at least it was open. She could smell the fresh air and use it to calm herself down. This was a completely new territory. At least when she was outside she felt connected to something else. She let it center her.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>In this massive room with all these scrutinizing gazes…. even with Rose’s arm pulling her tighter and tighter to the black-haired girl's body every few seconds Rey still felt painstakingly alone.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Eventually they stopped behind a short single file line of students, and Rey realized that once again they were going to be… what had Holdo said? Oh yes, sorted last.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>It seemed like a kind of ceremony of sorts but Rey couldn’t bring herself to watch it. She felt Rose let go of her arm and move in front of her. Great, now Rey would be the last person to get sorted. This was about to be the worst moment she had had since Plutt’s.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Suddenly she was hyperaware of what she must look like, a scrawny, much too thin little girl, with hair falling out of a three-bun formation and wisps all over the place. Jakku sand robes instead of their Hogwarts robes. She wanted to shrink into herself and stay there forever.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The line moved forward and she did with it. She felt like she could hear the whispers, see the eyes. And she had half a mind to run out of the room and row a boat back to the lakeshore herself. Just to get away from it all. But she straightened up.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Inhale. Exhale.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She had been through worse than this. And who cared if they saw her for what she was: a scavenger. That was who she was, and she wouldn’t delude all these people. Maybe it would scare away the bad ones in the end anyways.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She was going to prove them all wrong anyways, and Rey felt the fiery emotion she had come to recognize as determination flowing through her veins once again.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She finally found it within herself to bring her eyes to observe this ceremony, noticing that she was just two people away from getting sorted herself.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She watched as a brown and frankly ugly hat was placed on top of a boy’s head. The hat looked like it was whispering something before it shouted “Hufflepuff” and her jaw almost dropped. Talking hats now too?</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The boy had the biggest smile on his face as he walked over to a cheering table of people with various yellow garments and paraphernalia.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Then it was Rose’s turn and Rey watched as the hat yelled Gryffindor and a resounding roar came from what she assumed was the Gryffindor table. Multiple people surged forward and grabbed her, pulling her with them to their table, a flurry of red.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Rey was scared. She knew that there were four houses from Rose and she had heard that Slytherin was the one to watch out for.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She heard Professor Holdo call out her name, “Rey Solana” and she stilled for a second. She could do this. She walked up to the steps and sat on the stool. Wincing as the brown hat was placed over her, obscuring her eyes.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She almost jumped out of her chair as she heard its whispers in her ears.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Hmmmmm….. Rey Solana. You almost missed your sorting, not very good behavior” and she felt her cheeks flush red with embarrassment and guilt.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Ah, don’t worry child. I’m having a little bit of trouble picking for you. The heart of a Hufflepuff, wits of a Ravenclaw, the light and bravery of a Gryffindor, and the darkness and cunning of a Slytherin. I think it’s really between two. Gryffindor or Sssslytherin….”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Rey actually jumped this time. The last word had been spoken in the same voice as the dream. The same snake-like way of speaking, rich, and evil. Unlike the final voice she had heard, that had its own nasty qualities. She didn’t like this at all and was about to throw off the hat herself when it spoke again.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“I can feel the conflict within you, but I think it’s best to be safe.” Then the hat spoke to the entire hall.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Better be Gryffindor!”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She heard the roar of people again as the hat was lifted off of her head and she was pulled to a table faster than she could process what was going on. All she could see was the blurred faces smiling and patting her on the back, welcoming her. Through hazy vison, she saw Rose slide next to her and start speaking, a huge smile on her face.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She barely registered the words "roommates" and "fun" before she could feel her throat constricting, thankfully Rose turned away at that exact moment looking past her. Oh god, not now. Not here. She was about to have a panic attack, and it was all because of that voice. She had had a few at school before and been told what they were and what to do. But somehow she felt herself losing control.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She clutched at the table, gripping onto it so hard she could feel the blood rush out of her fingers.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She took one shaky breath, hearing a booming voice. She turned her face towards it and saw a man standing with a goblet in his hands. Her vision was still blurry and her throat was tightening even more now but she could hear snippets of what he was saying.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Luke Skywalker, year, Hogwarts, enjoy. That was all she got before a wave of sound blasted her ears and she glanced around, shaking and seeing mountains of food suddenly in front of her. She took in a shallow breath, and began gasping for air in short little breaths so Rose wouldn’t be able to hear her.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“One.” She whispered, trying to pull herself back.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Then she felt it. Something. A presence nearing. Her eyes darted up at the entrance where the double doors were and in burst an older boy, flanked by two others. Everybody’s voices dropped to either a hushed whisper or nothing at all. Her vision cleared.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Two.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She watched as he walked through the hall. Her breath stilled. Her throat stopped tightening. There was nobody seated in front of her so she had a clear view. The boy stopped at the Slytherin table, and people parted for him and his two friends. He stepped over the bench before sinking down to his seat, an easy grin on his face.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She still wasn’t breathing. She couldn’t help but stare at him. Stars, she couldn’t see him all that well because she wasn’t close enough but- but-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He was beautiful.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He had the most gorgeous almost shoulder length, raven black hair, tousled in simple waves, and an aquiline nose, which completed his facial features in the most perfect way.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She was staring. She knew that. But she watched as he laughed at a joke and somehow she was able to breathe again.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Rey? You kinda spaced out there for a second...” Rose said from beside her.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She shook her head to clear her thoughts.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Umm.. yeah I got spaced out. Rose who was that boy?” she asked trying to keep her voice steady, glancing back at the dark-haired boy across the room every few seconds.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Oh, I’m not quite sure, but everyone got quiet as soon as he entered, and he came in really late too, i-“</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She was cut off by a male voice, “That was Solo. Ben Solo, I mean. Hi, my name is Finn”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The boy smiled at them both, “I’m a third year and heard that you’re in need of an explanation of the House system tomorrow? Holdo told me that since I’m part of the unofficial welcoming committee I should do it”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Rey smiled warily, and shifted in her seat. The boy glanced between her and Rose and then seemed to sense that his presence was making her uncomfortable so he said his goodbyes and slipped away.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Wonder why Holdo gave us a Hufflepuff tour guide” Rose remarked, and Rey heard the clack of utensils as she shoveled in food.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Rey turned her attention back to the boy.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Ben Solo” she tried his name out on her lips, a soft whisper. The raven-haired boy suddenly looked in her direction, straight at her. His face a complete mask betraying nothing to her.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She almost gasped at how intense the eye contact was. She felt like he could see right through her, and she felt uneasy before a wave of calm swept through her. More calm than she had ever felt in her life.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He turned his attention back to her friends, and Rey suddenly found that she was able to focus on her surroundings. A large stack of food was in front of her. Various assortments of pies and roasts in mountainous heaps. She piled a small amount on her plate so as not to overexert her stomach and joined in some casual conversation with Rose.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She felt more relaxed than she had in years. She was finally home.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey everyone! So we've finally gotten there. We've finally introduced Ben Solo to the story and I am so excited to dive into it. But, we're still going to be looking at Rey's school life as well, so hopefully that's not boring. Anyways, probably another update coming tomorrow but who knows, online school sucks.</p><p>As always, enjoy!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Everything Goes Wrong</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey everybody! I broke my updating streak :( This one is the longest one yet, and is very angsty so get ready for it. Sorry for the massive filler, and about Rey, she just has major trust issues. Hope everyone enjoys the story. There are some notes down at the end to help with understanding.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rey wasn’t sure what to do with herself. She was currently standing in a dorm room that could have fit five of her old bedrooms in it. And it was extremely open. The lack of privacy was almost disturbing and she felt nervous about possibly having to change out in the open.</p><p> </p><p>If she did that then they would all see the scars, and probably whatever bruises were left over.</p><p> </p><p>There were three four poster beds in a circular room, each organized so that the center of the room was left open. They had dresser tables, and a chair beside them, with a chest at the foot of the bed. A door was located beside the bed too, which was a small closet. As well, large red curtains were draped around tall windows that Rey suspected would let in so much light in the night that they might as well keep the candles burning.</p><p> </p><p>The bathroom situation wasn’t great either, as there was only one shower and toilet yet two sinks, which was weird. Rey didn’t understand why there was no sort of magical expansion where they could have more showers and toilets to cater to how many people were in the room.</p><p> </p><p>Either way, she wasn’t keen on the entire situation. She had two roommates and she was grateful that one of them had just happened to be Rose. The other one had popped in to put her stuff down and then immediately left to go down to meet her friends in the common room.</p><p> </p><p>That didn’t bother her as much as it did Rose, who complained that the girl could have at least said hello. But Rey didn’t think that was happening anytime soon. The girl hadn’t looked interested in them, and in return she wasn’t interested in her. It suited her just fine all the same. She had talked to too many people in one day.</p><p> </p><p>Rey secretly wished that she was back in the uninsulated, just-big-enough-for-a-mattress-on-the-floor room at Plutt’s. At least she wouldn’t be looked at oddly there, or questioned if they ever saw what was written on her stomach. She desperately hoped that they would never see it. It was too personal.</p><p> </p><p>As well, she had been very used to being alone in her room. She couldn’t help but feel like this new arrangement was going to make her lose that part of herself. However, she couldn’t determine whether that was a good or bad thing. She deserved to be by herself.</p><p> </p><p>She silently thanked the ceiling for Rose being occupied in the showers, after having called first dibs so she wouldn’t be able to question how troubled she was sure she looked at this moment.</p><p> </p><p>She had unpacked all of her bags as soon as she had entered and seen them on the bed. Wanting to make sure that she was prepared for tomorrow. Her Hogwarts robes were currently hanging in the closet and she felt a little bit sad to part with her Jakku clothing.</p><p> </p><p>It was light and breathable, while the Hogwarts attire was all velvet, plaid, and layers. She could move freely in her current state, and it felt like a piece of her now after having worn them for so long. She contemplated wearing it under the robes but realized that it would be entirely too hot and she didn’t want to be a sweaty mess on her first day. Besides plaid skirts with white leggings didn’t go to well.</p><p> </p><p>She heard the shower turn off and knew it was now her turn. Grabbing a set of nightclothes that she had bought with Chewie from inside the dresser drawer she headed into the bathroom after Rose had exited.</p><p> </p><p>Maybe she would keep the leather arm bands and arm wraps though.</p><p> </p><p>……………………….</p><p> </p><p>Rey flopped on her bed, hearing Rose’s quiet snores. The girl had fallen asleep while she was still showering and their other roommate hadn’t returned at all even though it was past curfew.</p><p> </p><p>That left Rey alone to her own thoughts. She couldn’t wait to explore the castle. Every single nook and cranny would be sought out and memorized. The place fascinated her, and she could feel the secrets and adventure practically oozing out of the walls.</p><p> </p><p> She had told herself to be good and apply herself, but surely she couldn’t be expected to not be a little rebellious. She wasn’t used to these things. She was a scavenger from the tiny town of Jakku, and she had been given an opportunity.</p><p> </p><p>She was going to have a little bit of fun with it at least. Her mind travelled to all the places she could possibly go. After dinner, a fifth-year Gryffindor prefects Kendra Tavish and Leonar Ranom had led them on a tour, showing off entrances to common room and dorms. That had been very exciting, and she felt herself itching to explore the Slytherin commons especially. Concealed in shadows, and located in the dungeons…. she felt like things were waiting there for her.</p><p> </p><p>And….. she had also noticed the green robes coupled with a flash of silver from the Prefects badge on Ben Solo as he passed by them, to lead his own group of Slytherin’s on a tour. For some reason or another Rey felt inexplicably drawn to him. Over the course of dinner her eyes had often wandered to where he was sitting, and his name had played itself like a record over and over in her head.</p><p> </p><p>She had observed as Professor Holdo had marched over to him, looking ruffled about something, which she could only assume was his tardiness. And she couldn’t help but feel like she was going to be doing a lot of watching in the future.</p><p> </p><p>Something had happened when they had locked eyes. It had been as if she had laid in a pool of serenity, waiting for something, and the effects of it had lasted well until she had climbed up the stairs and seen the dorm situation.</p><p> </p><p>His gaze had been intense and arresting, but she felt like there was something permanently mixed in along with those as well. She wasn’t able to put her finger on it.</p><p> </p><p>There was something there that needed to be uncovered, but the question was what. On that note, Rey finally fell into a dreamless slumber.</p><p> </p><p>…………………</p><p> </p><p>It was officially Rey’s first day at Hogwarts, and she had risen with the sun only two hours after she had initially fallen asleep. Understanding that she probably wouldn’t fall asleep again she decided to get herself ready for the day and do some exploring.</p><p> </p><p>She debated between throwing on her Jakku attire or the new Hogwarts robes, and decided to settle for the robes just in case she had to run straight to the Great Hall in the morning if her adventures took up too much of her time.</p><p> </p><p>Slipping out of the room and down the stairs she was surprised to see that nobody had risen left, leaving her alone in the commons. The room was weathered, and didn’t get much sunlight leaving the candles and lamps to do much of the work, drenched in red and accented with gold.</p><p> </p><p>It was cozy, but she found herself wishing there was a little bit more green around. Rey had only had one patch of green grass in Jakku and she had realized when she first saw the Black Lake that she wanted nothing more than to continue being out in the fresh air with nature.</p><p> </p><p>The greenery was too beautiful to pass up. Which made her wonder if maybe being in Slytherin would have made her more comfortable. The sorting hat had said that she had the darkness and cunning of a Slytherin, whatever that meant.</p><p> </p><p>And that strange hissing voice that had seemed to bleed through had almost sent her spiralling into a panic attack, so she wasn’t sure it would have been a good idea.</p><p> </p><p>But that meant she could have figured out more about Ben Solo. She knew he was a prefect, and incredibly tall and broad, but still didn’t know what year he was in. She could tell that he was a few years older than her though, something that made her feel a little sad for reasons she wasn’t quite sure of herself.</p><p> </p><p>As she stood staring at the red layout of the common room she heard what sounded like soft footsteps on the stairs, and decided she should leave before whoever it was found her. She crossed the room and pulled on the painting, seeing it swing open. Stepping through the hole in her wall, she went to push the painting back into place when she heard a voice:</p><p> </p><p>“You’re up rather early”</p><p> </p><p>Her eyes shot up and she stumbled backwards. She had noticed that all the portraits in the school spoke the night before, and had been astounded by it but that didn’t make it any less startling when it was directed right at her.</p><p> </p><p>The lady on the painting in a pink silk dress was looking straight at her, lips pursed.</p><p> </p><p>“Students aren’t allowed to go exploring this early in the morning”</p><p> </p><p>Rey paused, working over the lady’s word. She couldn’t go back inside now. She had already snuck out, and there might be somebody on the other side of that painting that would report her if they saw her go back in.</p><p> </p><p>So, Rey chose to ignore the woman, spinning around and walking down the steps. She didn’t hear any sort of call for her to come back.</p><p> </p><p>………..</p><p> </p><p>It couldn’t have been more than an hour since she first started exploring, and Rey had barely even looked through what seemed like one hundredth of the castle. However, she did realize some things. First off, the staircases moved a lot more than she had been told they would the previous night. Secondly, she was getting used to this magic thing really fast.</p><p> </p><p>And finally, she was horrendously lost.</p><p> </p><p>The castle was entirely too big, and she didn’t have a map or even someone to guide her around. And while she knew that she would figure it out at some point she could swear she had walked by the same bathroom five times already.</p><p> </p><p>By now the sun was in the sky, and she was sure that people were streaming down to the Great Hall to eat breakfast (she sincerely hoped there were no apples there).</p><p> </p><p>She had to find a way to get back, but how? She turned a corner, entering another corridor that looked just the same as all the others. Ugh. She had to at least be on the same floor. But she had no way of knowing, and wasn’t sure anybody would find her.</p><p> </p><p>She made it to the end of the new corridor before turning again and smacking right into someone. She stumbled backwards, tripping over her own feet, before two hands grabbed at her robes and pulled her back on balance.</p><p> </p><p>It was Finn, the Hufflepuff from last night.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey! Rey…Is it?” he questioned, and didn’t wait for her to shake her head in affirmation before speaking again.</p><p> </p><p>“Rose and I have been looking for you all morning! We were supposed to go on our tour during breakfast so you wouldn’t have to miss Astrology class but you never showed up. So I took her around and then Holdo bumped into us and noticed you weren’t there-“ he cut himself off, “that was unpleasant” before continuing again “And she told me to find you because you must have gotten lost on your way to breakfast.”</p><p> </p><p>He had spoken so fast Rey wasn’t sure what to respond, so she blinked. Once. Twice. Finn let out a frustrated puff of air before grabbing her hand and leading her through the corridor.</p><p> </p><p>This made her a little bit uncomfortable. She had never held hands with someone before, and so she slipped her hand out of his. He noticed immediately, giving her a look that said <em>really? </em>Before he grabbed it again.</p><p> </p><p>She didn’t try prying her hand away again. The sooner this was over the better, and somehow she could tell he was just going to grab it again.</p><p> </p><p>When he finally let go of her hand they were in the main hall where the Great Hall was located.</p><p> </p><p>“So, basically we have four houses. Each house is like your family within Hogwarts. Each house has its own noble history of outstanding witches and wizards. Your triumphs will earn house points and any rule breaking will lose house points.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey was going to end up losing a bunch of house points. She had started off her first day by sneaking around already.</p><p> </p><p> “At the end of the year, the house with the most points is given the house cup.”</p><p> </p><p>Great. So everyone in this school was constantly competing, and if she got caught everyone else would get taken down with her. Well that was no good. She would just have to be very careful, and hope that if she was caught she wouldn’t get reported.</p><p> </p><p>Besides who knows what the other students would do to her if they found out it was been her that had gotten the points docked. Rey was not naïve. There were kind people in the world indeed, but even they had certain amounts of bad in them. She didn’t want to get on anybody’s bad side here, just in case.</p><p> </p><p>Sticking to the shadows it was.</p><p> </p><p>A snap sounded in Rey’s face.</p><p> </p><p>“Has anybody told you that you space out a lot?”</p><p> </p><p>“I do?”</p><p> </p><p>“You seriously do.” He softly chuckled. “But it’s fine my boyfriend Poe does it sometimes too.”</p><p> </p><p>“You have a boyfriend?” Rey questioned.</p><p> </p><p>A wide grin broke out on his face. “Yeah, Poe Dameron, he’s a year above me. Still have no idea how I landed him”. Rey could hear the sheer affection in his voice, it was actually pretty cute. She hadn’t met many couples before, and certainly not ones that spoke about each other the way Finn was referring to Poe now.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, I just had a great idea. How about you come join us for lunch. I’ll introduce you to him.” He offered.</p><p> </p><p>She looked unsurely at him. It was a nice offer, but it might be weird to hang out with people who weren’t in her year, and she wasn’t used to making friends yet. What if she made the wrong impression, and messed everything up. She would never live it down. She would have chased any shot at people liking her away. She didn’t even know how she had managed to even hold up a conversation let alone multiple-</p><p> </p><p>“God you look like I just hit you with a bus. Er, sorry if I sprung that on you” he looked vaguely distressed himself. “But it would be fun” he finished, breaking out into a slight smile, that sounded a little nervous.</p><p> </p><p>It would just be easier to say yes so Rey let go of her nerves and agreed, “Ok.”She wasn’t sure she wanted to at all. But wouldn’t it just be simpler to go along with things and see where it got her?</p><p> </p><p>“Great!” the smile was back on his face, as if he had just heard the first bit of best news in a while before turning around “I’ll see you then, and bring Rose too. Don’t sweat it too much, if anything it’ll improve your street cred” he called out, jogging away.</p><p> </p><p>This was going to be a very long day.</p><p> </p><p>………….</p><p> </p><p>Rey had finally reached the Astronomy room and was bracing herself for entry. She would be coming in late, which meant all the attention would be on her. She had managed to get a hold of herself the night before but with the added stress from the get together at lunch, lack of privacy in the dorms, and getting house points docked she couldn’t do it again.</p><p> </p><p>As each minute passed she found herself adding to her worry which was just a recipe for disaster at this point, but she couldn’t bring herself to stop.</p><p> </p><p>“Um….Aren’t you going to go in?” she heard a voice passing behind her speak.</p><p> </p><p>A furious blush crept upon her face and she murmured a quiet “Yeah” as the footsteps retreated. She let out the breath she hadn’t realized she had been holding.</p><p> </p><p>Amazing! Now she looked like an idiot and she didn’t even know who had seen her so she could avoid them until she graduated. If she lasted that long, which she sincerely doubted she would.</p><p> </p><p>Now that she had been thoroughly embarrassed maybe this would pale in comparison. She pushed open the doors to find an entire class plus a teacher staring at her. Her brain screamed <em>abort! </em>And she felt like a wounded gazelle in a room full of lions.</p><p> </p><p>She walked to an open seat, jumping when she felt a tap on her shoulder, relaxing when she found it was Rose.</p><p> </p><p>“Where have you been?” she hissed in a whisper.</p><p> </p><p>Rey cringed, a faint blush spreading across her cheeks, grumbling, “I was on the tour with Finn”</p><p> </p><p>“Wow you must have gotten twice the tour I did if you were gone that long”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, it was a very th-“ she was cut off by another voice, causing her to screw her eyes shut tightly. She had been caught talking in class by the teacher.</p><p> </p><p>“Miss Solana. Would you like to tell me where the constellation Orion is?” the female teacher said sweetly, an eerily fake smile on her face, and venom dripping out of her eyes.</p><p> </p><p>Rey had no idea where constellations were located. She had not gotten far enough into Astronomy to be bothered with where they were…until now. She panicked, searching for an answer.</p><p> </p><p>A pregnant pause ensued for the next few seconds.</p><p> </p><p>“Right above us.” She finally blurted out, her speech breathless and rushed.</p><p> </p><p>The teacher aimed her sickly-sweet smile at her again. “I’m sorry that’s incorrect dear.” As soon as she looked away her smile dropped into a frown. This lady was a terror.</p><p> </p><p>Rey felt the eyes of the girl beside her scanning over her before her hand shot up. The teacher held a tight-lipped smile that somehow seemed more genuine than the previous one. “Yes, Miss Ivoriar?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey turned her head to look at the girl giving the answer.</p><p> </p><p>“Orion is found in the southeast at early evening and shining high in the south by mid-evening.” She said, a little bit too jovially.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes! Perfect. Now..” the teacher rambled on and Rey watched as the girl turned to her, giving her a defiant smirk that was utterly belittling before resuming her focus on what the teacher was saying.</p><p> </p><p>And now she was officially the stupid one, and the blonde girl next to her had some sort of vendetta against her without even knowing her. Her first class was off to a glorious start.</p><p> </p><p>When Astrology finally finished, Rey left the class. She hadn’t even brought her books with her, as she hadn’t thought about it when she left to go exploring this morning. To add onto her problems, she realized she was the only one who didn’t have them with her halfway through, and it had been very awkward indeed.</p><p> </p><p>Sighing, she wondered if she was always going to feel like this, or if this was just an exceptionally bad first day. Rose caught up to her in the hallway on the way to their next class: History of Magic.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m so sorry Rey. It was my fault you even spoke in the first place and then Professor Torizino took you down a couple pegs right there in front of everyone. It must have been s-“</p><p> </p><p>She cut her off, not wanting to hear anymore interpretations of her clear embarrassment. So much for showing them all. “It’s alright Rose. Don’t feel bad about it.” she threw a tight-lipped smile in her direction, and Rose seemed content with her answer.</p><p> </p><p>…..</p><p> </p><p>History of Magic hadn’t been that bad. Mainly because Professor Cyron wasn’t as passive aggressive, and Rey had never learnt the content before.</p><p> </p><p>He had told a story that almost seemed to horrid to be true about a Dark wizard named Darth Vader who massacred almost all the Aurors and tried to enslave the world using the Dark Arts. It also seemed like there was more to the story than just what the Professor had spoke of, but he said they would speak about it more during the next class, so she was excited.</p><p> </p><p>Now it was finally lunch and Rey was dreading spending time with Finn and Poe and whichever friends they probably had. She had told Rose about it to which she had also replied that it would “Boost their street cred”. She had frowned at that before telling Rose that she and Finn had had the same idea, which caused the small black-haired girl to laugh.</p><p> </p><p>When they finally got down to the main hall she saw Finn waiting there with another boy around his height.</p><p> </p><p>As soon as Finn spotted them he called out their names, in what sounded like almost a yell. Rey cringed yet again, but then giggled at how excited he looked to see them. Had she made that much of an impression on him?</p><p> </p><p>When they caught up to each other Poe stuck out his hand, “Poe Dameron. Finn’s told me a lot about you.” he said charmingly.</p><p> </p><p>Rey didn’t shake his hand, just stared it. That seemed to have been the wrong move, creating an awkward pause that made her immediately regret it.</p><p> </p><p>Poe just laughed before withdrawing his hand and throwing an arm around Finn’s shoulders. “Let’s go get a table.”.</p><p> </p><p>If the Great Hall had looked magical at night, it was equally consistent in the day. Except now she had a proper opportunity to take it in under natural light, rather than the floating candles that had tinged everything yellow. In the daytime, the white light seemed to fill and the hall, and now that she was having a proper look around there were a lot more students than she remembered.</p><p> </p><p>In front of her Poe called out “Hey guys! We brought some cute little first years with us.” And Rey watched as he jogged over to a group of five or so people. Hopefully this wouldn’t be awkward. She really hoped it wouldn’t be awkward.</p><p> </p><p>They got seated and suddenly large platters of food appeared before them. Rey had seen them last night, but hadn’t completely registered them after her exchange with Ben. They were huge, and she didn’t understand how so much food could be present somewhere at once. There was a spread of all sorts of things, and she felt a little teary eyed looking at it.</p><p>Easily, she could discern that one of the plates of food was probably the amount she had eaten for her entire life. The thought cut deeply, and she was grateful to find that there were no apples on the table. They all forked some food onto their plates before beginning to converse.</p><p> </p><p>“How were your first classes?” Finn asked.</p><p> </p><p>“Astrology was horrendous, and History of Magic wasn’t exactly exciting” Rose replied.</p><p> </p><p>“Well makes sense, Torizino is a drill sergeant” Poe interjected, food in his mouth.</p><p> </p><p>Finn gave him a disgusted look and Poe just rolled his eyes and shrugged. Rey thought it over; she should try at least a little bit, right?</p><p> </p><p>“I actually thought History of Magic was really cool” she said, lifting her fork to her mouth.</p><p> </p><p>Finn lit up. “That’s great!” he exclaimed.</p><p> </p><p>Finn, Poe and Rose then jumped into a conversation about how to survive Astrology.</p><p> </p><p>She regarded Finn weirdly. Why was he so excited by everything she had to say? When she looked back down at her plate she noticed there wasn’t anything left. She must have taken too little. She reached her fork back into the mountain to grab another small piece of chicken, which was absolutely amazing. But then again she didn’t have much to go off of other than apples, bread, occasionally, and some rice.</p><p> </p><p>She noticed a small bowl on the table holding some nuts. She grabbed one, turning it with her fingers.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s a peanut.” She heard Finn say.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh I know. I’ve just never tried one.” She remarked.</p><p> </p><p>The three of them looked at her. Poe smirked in amusement, and Finn looked at her with what seemed like pity while Rose seemed unfazed.</p><p> </p><p>“Well go on then, try it.” Poe urged.</p><p> </p><p>She popped it in her mouth, appreciating the earthy flavor, face scrunched up in consideration.</p><p> </p><p>“Can we keep her?” she heard Finn plead to Poe, which resulted in the tan-skinned boy rolling his eyes, obviously amused by what his boyfriend had said.</p><p> </p><p>Finn then turned his attention back to her. “Your nickname is Peanut now. Nothing you can do about it.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey laughed. She had never had a nickname. She rather liked it. Hopefully it wouldn’t catch on with everybody else though.</p><p> </p><p>“Peanut huh? I guess it suits her” commented Dameron.</p><p> </p><p>Finn cut him off very quickly, shooting a glare his way “Don’t you dare. Find your own nickname, only I’m allowed to use it.”</p><p> </p><p>Well if Finn was going to be that overprotective about it she guessed she didn’t have to worry about it catching on at all.</p><p> </p><p>Their conversation gradually felt less strained and soon she was watching them laugh and joke with each other like they had done it their entire lives. Although she didn’t participate in it too often she found that she enjoyed being a part of it enough. It was like her own little group of people, and they didn’t seem to mind having her around. She hadn’t messed it up.</p><p> </p><p>She let the tension in her muscles fall and found herself rather taken by Finn and his charming boyfriend. Maybe he wasn’t as bad as she had initially thought.</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t wait until I get to be Prefect” Poe suddenly sighed.</p><p> </p><p>“Well you have to impress Headmaster Skywalker” Finn responded before pausing and quickly adding “And Holdo. And some of the current Prefects.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ugh. But some of them are such pompous asses. They act as if they’re in charge.”</p><p> </p><p>“Isn’t that because they are?” Rey asked, trying to keep the smile off of her face, eyes turned down to organizing peanuts in a design on her plate.</p><p> </p><p>Poe glared at her playfully, about to speak when Finn smacked him on the arm.</p><p> </p><p>“Look Solo’s just come in. Maybe if you talk to him some more you’ll get in his good graces.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey paused, her creative endeavor suddenly put on hold at the mention of someone she could only assume was Ben.</p><p> </p><p>She looked up just as Poe started yelling, “Yo! Solo! Over here!”</p><p> </p><p>She watched as Ben stopped in his place. His raven black hair just as effortlessly tousled as the night before. He scanned the crowd, looking for the source of the voice that had called him before finally locking eyes on Poe who was frantically waving at him.</p><p> </p><p>Then he moved. His robes billowing out slightly behind him, and Rey felt nervous. He approached them slowly, and as he got closer Rey only felt more and more intimidated by the sheer size of him.</p><p> </p><p>When he finally got over Poe laid on all the charm he had. “Solo! Nice to talk to you again. Been a while since the last one.”</p><p> </p><p>She studied his face closely as he smirked.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing Dameron.”</p><p> </p><p>She took in a sharp intake of breath when he spoke. His voice was deep and rich, sounding far more mature for a teenager than should be possible. She felt her heart begin to race.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not doing anything at all. Just wanted to check and see how you’re doing.” Poe replied, silkily.</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s smile grew and while it might have looked genuine to everybody else, Rey could tell that it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Well I’m fine thanks for asking.” His eyes flickered to her, and she stopped breathing momentarily before he turned his gaze back to Poe.</p><p> </p><p>“If you want to get in with the Prefects you’re going to have to talk to the fifth-years. I can’t do anything as a sixth-year” he chuckled, but once again it was off. Somewhat strained to Rey’s ears.</p><p> </p><p>She hadn’t felt his presence as she had the night before, and she was surprised by his change in attitude. He had seemed cold and intense, yet comforting last night. Now he seemed happy but as if he wasn’t totally feeling that either.</p><p> </p><p>She felt a spike of irritation, which slowed her racing heart. She had only had two interactions (or really just moments of eye contact) with this boy and yet something didn’t feel entirely right. It almost made her sad. She didn’t know where all of this was coming from, but there was something more to Ben Solo than met the eye.</p><p> </p><p>“Anyways Dameron, good luck this year.” He excused himself, and ambled off to one of the other tables.</p><p> </p><p>“Well that was a massive failure”</p><p> </p><p>“Aww it’s ok.” Finn comforted his boyfriend, and Rose added in some reassuring words.</p><p> </p><p>Rey couldn’t entirely concentrate on what they were saying. He had had constellations of beauty marks on his face, and honey amber eyes...</p><p> </p><p>“Rey… um, I wanted to talk to you about something actually.”</p><p> </p><p>She blinked, bringing herself back to reality. He had a serious look on his face. Somewhere in the back of her mind her brain was telling her it was all about to get shot to hell.</p><p> </p><p>“So, Rose told me that you’re an orphan too, like me.”</p><p> </p><p>Bloody hell. So this was why. This was why he had been so excited by everything she had to say. Why he had looked at her so concerned. She was an orphan… <em>like him? </em>She felt sick to her stomach. He pitied her. Bile started to creep up her throat.</p><p> </p><p>He and Poe didn’t want to be her friends. Finn had just thought that since he had been an orphan once it was his responsibility to be kind to her. And Rose… Rose had told him. She hadn’t explicitly told her not to… but she thought she had made it clear that she wasn’t exactly comfortable broadcasting her whole life story. She had understood. Somewhat.</p><p> </p><p>They all just felt sorry for her. They hadn’t wanted her in the first place. She really had messed it up. She was so close to liking them. She had genuinely enjoyed their company. She couldn’t believe that she had tricked herself.</p><p> </p><p>It was only the first day, why was everything going terribly already? She rose from her seat at the table, shaking in silent fury.</p><p> </p><p>She tried to keep her voice down, but found she was unable to control some of the rage that filled her, as she spoke her voice got louder and louder “Of course. I’m an orphan like you. You didn’t want me here. You just felt sorry for me. That’s why you’ve been acting this way all day. You know what? All of you can just piss off. Don’t talk to me again.”</p><p> </p><p>She was quite aware that by now she had attracted the attention of lots of people, and she could hear how the hall had quietened in pockets to hushed whispers.</p><p> </p><p>But she found the anger just increasing, and felt the need to get out as soon as possible. They said nothing, eyes wide, and mouth agape as she stepped over the bench, stalking out of the room.</p><p> </p><p>She was only vaguely aware of a familiar set of amber eyes burning into her as she left.</p><p> </p><p>…….</p><p> </p><p>Rey practically ran down the marble staircases and out of the school, through the main courtyard. She moved quickly down the stone steps outdoors until she reached a grassy plain that stretched out to the lake.</p><p> </p><p>Noticing a forest to the left, she bolted towards it. When she finally reached a tree, she jumped up, pulling down on a branch with force. It cracked slightly but stayed in place, so she grabbed it and furiously wiggled it until it snapped off. She felt something snap inside her too. She jogged back into the field near the lake.</p><p> </p><p>Then she begun to train. She brandished the branch like she had Unkar Plutt’s old staff. She jumped, kicking and moving the branch in defensive movements. Twisting it behind her back, and screaming with each swing. She thought that she could do it. She had even convinced herself, foolishly, that maybe these people were alright.</p><p> </p><p>They were all just the same. They didn’t care. Finn had seen a broken little orphan and decided to mother her. Rose had told Finn in the first place, and Poe obviously went along with it. They didn’t like her personality, or even her attempts at conversation.</p><p> </p><p>She had tried so hard. She screamed out at the sky. Why was her life like this? Wasn’t this supposed to be a fresh start? A good place? She moved furiously, her muscles burning and sweat pouring down her face.</p><p> </p><p>She pretended that she was fighting off the kids at school, that little boy who had pushed her down the stairs, Plutt, and now them.</p><p> </p><p>She had wanted to prove herself to all of them, and then she had embarrassed herself in class today. She had embarrassed herself multiple times in front of the school. And she just felt so miserable. It was all too much for her to handle. How was she supposed to handle any of it?</p><p> </p><p>She had gone from a meager existence to this. To something, and she just didn’t know what to do. She was too broken. She overthought everything, and had too many problems, she wasn’t normal and she was just- she was just- alone.</p><p> </p><p>Everything. Everything seemed to lead her back to it. She sank to her knees, exhaustion running through her.</p><p> </p><p>Somewhere in the middle of it all she had tossed off her robes, tie, and sweater vest. She was only left in the dress shirt and kilt (thank god for shorts), and she knew she had probably ruined at least one article of clothing. The anger dissipated as she tried to get her breath back.</p><p> </p><p>She had never felt so angry before. And it scared her. It reminded her of him. She was more afraid of turning into Plutt than anything.</p><p> </p><p>Kieran’s pale eyes flashed in her mind, and her heart rate spiked.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you quite done yet?” A voice echoed behind her. There was always someone behind her it seemed. She turned her head only to see Headmaster Luke Skywalker standing there.</p><p> </p><p>She hastily scrambled off her knees, wincing at the energy it took. She was so getting expelled.</p><p> </p><p>“You missed your classes for the day. It’s been hours since you apparently left. I will admit storming out during your first lunch is quite the entrance.” He chuckled.</p><p> </p><p>She felt sick all over again.</p><p> </p><p>He sighed, noticing how nauseous she looked.</p><p> </p><p>“Come on inside, we’re going to take a trip to my office.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey gulped.</p><p> </p><p>This day was such a mess.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Rey and Rose: First-years<br/>Finn: Third-year<br/>Poe: Fourth-year<br/>Ben: Sixth-year</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. An Odd Encounter</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Hey everyone! I just started another work (don't ask me why, the idea just came to me and I felt like I had to post it immediately) and so the update schedule for this work is going to start slowing down. I'm going to try chapters of this and the other one: All That Glitters Is Gold alternating every day. But once again, sorry if I miss a day. Online school might start to pick up. </p><p>As always, enjoy!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>With a flick of his wand, Headmaster Skywalker levitated Rey’s clothes and began to walk off, the garments trailing in the air behind him. She stood there, wondering why he hadn’t just let her put them on and rearrange herself first, before following him.</p><p> </p><p>As they moved back to the school and he led her up to his office, and Rey had never felt so nervous in her life. Was he going to berate her? Expel her for skipping her first classes? Question her about why she had been pretend fighting with a tree branch.</p><p> </p><p>It could go all ways honestly. Was he disappointed? Upset? He had seemed amused, but Rey was unsure whether that was just him trying to make light of the situation She hadn’t seen any students in the hallways they passed through, which was a good thing because Rey was a sweaty, unkempt mess. And she didn’t want to see the judgement in their eyes after her outburst at lunch.</p><p> </p><p>She felt guilty. Maybe she had been too hard on Finn, Rose, and Poe. Finn had just been trying to relate to her. Rose probably hadn’t realized it wasn’t something she wanted broadcast around, and Poe honestly hadn’t done anything wrong. So maybe she was at fault?</p><p> </p><p>She wasn’t good at this whole friend thing. She didn’t even know the first thing about making friends. Their conversation had been nice before she had ruined everything. Why had she ruined everything?</p><p> </p><p>She couldn’t really remember. The training had taken it all out of her and now she was just left with regret. Anyways, they might never forgive her now that she had probably embarrassed them. Maybe if she explained that she hadn’t really had friends before?</p><p> </p><p> People did things that were wrong all the time, and even if they did pity her and that’s why they decided to talk to her they would have liked her eventually right?</p><p> </p><p>The only experience Rey had with friends came from the novels she had read.</p><p> </p><p>She had messed everything up so royally she was going to be stuck alone for the rest of the year. And that was if Skywalker didn’t expel her on the spot as soon as they got to the office. When they reached the third floor he stopped in front of a large gargoyle, before speaking a single word.</p><p> </p><p>“Jedi”</p><p> </p><p>The gargoyle slowly revolved and a winding staircase was revealed. They pressed on.</p><p> </p><p>The sun was beginning to set in the distance and the evening glow almost blinded her as they began to walk up the flight of stairs directly to his office.</p><p> </p><p>The torches lining the walls suddenly flickered on, and the staircase felt older and more worn than it had just seconds ago.</p><p> </p><p>Finally, they approached door, which Skywalker pushed open and revealed a large, beautiful circular room. There were numerous little silver instruments on tables, which emitted little puffs of smoke.</p><p> </p><p>On the walls, there were many portraits of past Headmasters and Headmistresses, who were all sitting and chatting with each other across the room from their frames. As they entered, the portraits went silent, many deciding to take a nap, or others pulling out a book or newspaper to occupy the time.</p><p> </p><p>There was an enormous desk and the brown, tainted hat which she recognized as the Sorting Hat from her sorting the prior night sitting atop it. At the side of a room, a basin filled with water, that seemed like it was almost glowing cast blue light everywhere.</p><p> </p><p>Skywalker approached the large desk and sat down in the purple velvet armchair behind it. Her clothes were still floating behind him, and he motioned for her to sit down before bringing his wand out again and flicking it.</p><p> </p><p>The clothes were suddenly clean, and folded themselves before resting in front of her on the desk. She moved towards one of the armchairs in front of the desk and took a seat.</p><p> </p><p>“So what was that all about?</p><p> </p><p>She grimaced, and found herself unable to fashion a reply.</p><p> </p><p>His face hardened. “Because to me it looked like a student who is having a hard time controlling their emotions.”</p><p> </p><p>This was incredibly embarrassing. She had been embarrassed too many times today, but somehow coming from the man who could toss her out without a second thought it just felt even worse.</p><p> </p><p>“I understand that you must be having a hard time adjusting. But here at Hogwarts we expect our students to attend ALL of their classes. Especially on their first day.” He said pointedly, but not unkindly.</p><p> </p><p>A hard time adjusting? This was more than just hard. It felt like she was turning her entire life upside down. She thought she would be able to handle it, but now she didn’t know.</p><p> </p><p>He sighed. “Rey, I know it’s not easy to turn your whole life around in a few days. I understand the feeling, but there are better ways to cope. I trust magic will be able to help you do that.”</p><p> </p><p>She doubted that. The wounds she sustained were not as easily healed by throwing her all into something else. She could feel that deep inside her soul, or rather what was left of it.</p><p> </p><p>She wished somebody would understand, but it felt like nobody would. It was easy to give her words of advice never having lived through exactly what she had.</p><p> </p><p>She appreciated the sentiment but didn’t think it would work. A part of her would always be stuck in that little house in Jakku no matter what she did. And that was alright. She could pretend it didn’t exist, but she had no idea how to.</p><p> </p><p>Rey felt herself flicker between hope and the depths of despair so frequently that she wished her conscience could pick a side. Or something else would help her pick instead.</p><p> </p><p>He spoke up, sensing that she was going to stay silent “I can see that you do not feel comfortable sharing your thoughts with me on this matter. So I would like you to do something for me. And then I would like for you to come visit me in a few days to see how it went.”</p><p> </p><p>Come back in a few days? Did that mean…</p><p> </p><p>Rey perked up at this, “Wait, so you’re not expelling me?”</p><p> </p><p>Skywalker gave her a disapproving look, “I don’t make it a habit of expelling my students for having feelings Miss Solana.”</p><p> </p><p>She breathed a sigh of relief. So she was safe after all, and she planned on trying her best to stay that way.</p><p> </p><p>He continued, “I want you to write a letter to someone, anyone really, from your past. Tell them what you feel or how you are doing currently. Whatever you would like. Then go to the owlery and send it off.”</p><p> </p><p>He wanted to send her a letter? To somebody from her past? Was there anybody she could really pick for this? She didn’t want them to see her letter. Maybe she could just not do it and he wouldn’t realize.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t think about not doing it, I’ll know.” He immediately cut in.</p><p> </p><p>Rey was shocked. How had he known she was thinking that? He probably had some sort of magical ability to do so. Did that mean he had known her earlier thoughts. Her eyes grew wide, mouth slightly open in horror. How many of her thoughts had he heard?</p><p> </p><p>Seeming to interpret the look on her face as horror, he laughed before speaking again, “Calm down kid. You’re not the first student I’ve assigned this to. Now get going. Once you’re finished, go down to the kitchen. I’ll arrange for the elves to keep some food for you.”</p><p> </p><p>So it seemed like she was missing dinner. At least that meant she didn’t have to face Poe, Rose, or Finn today, and not in front of everybody. She could skip breakfast tomorrow too. Hopefully it wasn’t mandatory, she probably wouldn’t be hungry anyways.</p><p> </p><p>She begun to rise out of her chair before Skywalker stopped her, voicing an afterthought “Tell the Prefects you see in the hallway that I allowed you to be out past curfew.”</p><p> </p><p>She nodded before grabbing her clothes and rushing out of the room. The sky was dark, a few stars beginning to peek out and dot the inky landscape.</p><p> </p><p>When she reached the foot of the stairs, the gargoyle revolved again and she stepped past it back into the hallway. A few voices could be heard, and she assumed they were all going down to dinner.</p><p> </p><p>This made her realize that she must have spent hours lost in herself, swinging around a tree branch. She probably looked absolutely feral, but it had done its job. She certainly felt a little better at least.</p><p> </p><p>Now she had to find her way back to the dorms to grab her paper, quill, and ink pot. Then maybe she would find a nice quiet place to write her letter. The dorm didn’t seem like quite the place. If Rose or her other roommate came back early that would be awkward. She didn’t want to deal with all of it presently.</p><p> </p><p>She wandered around a few levels, managing to redress herself to her former state before she finally found the Fat Lady. The woman recognized her and gave her a positively scathing look from her frame.</p><p> </p><p>“I see you’re finally back. I was hoping you wouldn’t bother.” She quipped.</p><p> </p><p>Rey simply smiled at her. Maybe she could kill her with kindness.</p><p> </p><p>“Hello.”</p><p> </p><p>The lady looked surprised, before cautiously replying.</p><p> </p><p>“Hello…”</p><p> </p><p>“I hope your day was nice. I just wanted to let you know that I might be slipping out during the mornings quite a bit. I hope it doesn’t wake you, I’ll try my best to be quiet.” She said gently.</p><p> </p><p>“Um… alright?” the Lady sounded very confused, as if this was an odd occurrence.</p><p> </p><p>Her tactic seemed to be working, “Anyways, I need to pop in for a few moments to grab some things and then I’ll be on my way.”</p><p> </p><p>“Alright dear.”</p><p> </p><p>There was a short burst of silence before the lady spoke again. “You’re an odd child. But thank you for asking me about my day. Very few people do it. Except that cute little first year, I think she said her name was Daisy or something.” The woman prattled on thoughtfully.</p><p> </p><p>“Rose?” Rey offered.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes! Rose, and that Slytherin boy. He goes around looking moody as ever but never fails to inquire about how I’m getting on when he passes me.”</p><p>Rey couldn’t help but sigh. Greeting the Fat Lady seemed like a Rose thing to do. She was a rather nice girl. Which left Rey feeling like she had made an even bigger mistake than the originally thought. Who was the Slytherin boy though?</p><p> </p><p>Either way, she had to be on her way, so maybe she should get this conversation over as soon as possible. Except she couldn’t remember what password that Prefect, Kendra, had used to get in.</p><p> </p><p>“Password?” the painting asked, her voice much warmer now than it had been just a few minutes ago.</p><p> </p><p>Rey scrunched up her face, deep in thought.</p><p> </p><p>“Umm….”</p><p> </p><p>What had it been? She couldn’t wait until someone came along and did it for her. She could remember it had started with a D. Draped mart? Drowned starts? Then it clicked.</p><p> </p><p>“Droid parts!”</p><p> </p><p>The painting swung open, and Rey went through, dashing up the stairs to get in and out as soon as possible. She swung open her dorm room door and went to the chest at the foot of her bed, rifling through it.</p><p> </p><p>She dug through numerous textbooks and a cauldron before finding a large bundled scroll with multiple stacks of paper and a quill and ink pot beside it. She grabbed the items, kicking the chest shut and rushed back down. She shoved the painting open, just barely remembering to yell a goodbye at the Fat Lady over her shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>Where should she go? Where would be quiet enough for her to get this done. Everybody should be at dinner…. She racked her brain for one of the locations shown to her on the tour. Her mind went through the places, before settling on the library. It was perfect.</p><p> </p><p>Now she just had to find out how to get there.</p><p> </p><p>………..</p><p> </p><p>When she finally reached the library a substantial amount of time had placed. The blood castle was enormous, and every turn looked the same, making it even harder to recognize specific markers that would tell her if she had seen something before. It was going to take her a while to get used to. The concept of such a big space was completely foreign after living in the same home for 9 years.</p><p> </p><p>The library was vast. The bookshelves reached all the way up to the ceiling and filled the space. She could smell the old leather and see the slight coating of dust on some of them. There was so much variety. Newer books and old texts graced the shelves, and she was filled with joy. She could spend all her time in this room. Just studying everything, taking it all in.</p><p> </p><p>It was exactly her kind of place outside from outside the castle. She was going to be spending a lot of time in here.</p><p> </p><p>She settled down at a mahogany desk with a lamp and some books already laying on it. She unrolled the scroll and picked a single piece of paper before setting the rest aside. She smoothed it out.</p><p> </p><p>Unscrewing the lid of the ink pot she stared at the quill. Rey had never written using a quill and ink before, hopefully it would be similar to pencil. She dipped the nib of the quill in the ink before moving back to the paper. She stopped her hand above the paper.</p><p> </p><p>Who should she address it to? Who did she have to address it to? Maybe she didn’t have to address it to anyone… it’s not like anybody really had to see it. She just had to write the letter. Headmaster Skywalker wouldn’t know that she hadn’t written it to anybody, she was doing what he asked. Or at least a part of it.</p><p> </p><p>A blot of ink was spreading across the paper. Shoot. She had waited too long and it had dripped onto the paper. Oh well, nobody was going to read it anyways.</p><p> </p><p>She dipped the nib back into the black ink and began writing.</p><p> </p><p>She described her day and everything she had felt, from the morning up until her storming out at lunch and what had happened by the lake with the tree branch. She poured her heart out on the little piece of paper, describing her little fears and anger at everything, along with her sadness. She wrote up until when Skywalker had told her to write the letter.</p><p> </p><p>It felt better to get it all out and she was about to continue writing about her entire childhood with Plutt when she realized who she had been writing to the entire time.</p><p> </p><p>She had been writing to her parents, about everything she wanted them to know. She stopped. She didn’t want to tell them about Plutt. They would apologize and feel terrible for leaving her to that demon, she knew they would. </p><p> </p><p>She didn’t want to show them that she was broken. Not truly. They didn’t need to know that part. They didn’t need to burden themselves with what had happened to her. They would be so hurt. Or at least she hoped they would be. Any parent would, wouldn’t they?</p><p> </p><p>She laid down the quill.</p><p> </p><p>She was done, and now she had to get it to the owlery. She had also briefly passed it on the tour. Apparently, BB-8 was in there. Maybe the owl would be happy to see her again. She hoped he would be at least. Even if he screeched a lot he wouldn’t yell at her or berate her.</p><p> </p><p>He was safe.</p><p> </p><p>She folded up the letter and made her way to the owlery.</p><p> </p><p>……………</p><p> </p><p>The owlery was in a tower far on the other side of the school. This time she had asked a few paintings for directions. A few of them had been less than happy that she was prowling the corridors late at night, but she hadn’t seen any Prefects yet so she felt like she was in the clear.</p><p> </p><p>She climbed up another set of stairs (what felt like her fiftieth of the day) and finally reached the top. She entered the room, and saw hundreds of owls in stone perches carved into the wall.</p><p> </p><p>There was also an extremely tall boy looking out of the window. He hadn’t heard or noticed her coming up the stairs or entering, and Rey felt a little bit awkward. She turned around to exit quietly, when she heard a swish of robes.</p><p> </p><p>A deep voice rang out in the silence, “Expelliarmus!”</p><p> </p><p>The letter went flying out of her hand, straight into the perch of one of the owls. Rey turned around quickly, almost falling back down the stairs in the process. </p><p> </p><p>A large hand closed around her wrist and pulled, bringing her back on balance. She was in shock. His one hand could have fit both her wrists and then some. His grip was steady and warm, and she suddenly felt like she had more protection against the bitter wind, flowing in through the window. She realized his broad frame must have been blocking all of it from streaming in earlier.</p><p> </p><p>Her eyes finally found his face, and she almost gasped out loud.</p><p> </p><p>It was Ben bloody Solo.</p><p> </p><p>She opened and closed her mouth like a fish, and she watched as his eyebrows scrunched before he let go of her wrist.</p><p> </p><p>She suddenly felt very cold.</p><p> </p><p>He stepped back from her, and watched as a slight blush covered his cheeks.  </p><p> </p><p>That surprised her even more. Why was he blushing?</p><p> </p><p>His hand reached up and threaded itself through his hair, scratching absentmindedly. He looked down to the floor.</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry.” He chuckled awkwardly.</p><p> </p><p>What in the world was going on?</p><p> </p><p>Now he was acting like a shy child who had been caught doing something he shouldn’t have been. Why did he look different every time she saw him?</p><p> </p><p>He must have noticed her staring at him like he had grown to heads, as he straightened himself up before clearing his throat. His face was relaxed, but betrayed nothing, unlike seconds ago.</p><p> </p><p>He extended a hand out to her, “Hey, I’m Ben Solo. You’re a first year….?” he said questioningly, dragging out the words.</p><p> </p><p>She nodded, probably looking terrified at this older student talking to her, which she was. But not quite for the reasons he must be thinking.</p><p> </p><p>There was a silent pause as they stood looking at each other.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m Rey.” She finally managed to spit out.</p><p> </p><p>The tension in his shoulders suddenly released, and she felt the awkwardness in the air disappear. It was suddenly comfortable. Warm almost. He took on a relaxed stance to match his face.</p><p> </p><p>Her eyes flicked over to the perch where the letter had flown earlier. He seemed to follow her gaze before walking over, crossing the distance in only a few steps before reaching down to the perch. The owl climbed onto his hand, and he stroked it for a few moments before grabbing the letter and placing the owl back where it was.</p><p> </p><p>Rey realized after he had done it that the owl in question was BB-8. The traitorous thing hadn’t screeched at him even once. The first time she had tried petting him he had almost broken her eardrums, but now he was letting this boy pet him without so much as a peep.</p><p> </p><p>She might have just got him two days ago, but this was another sort of betrayal. She shot the owl a glare, and it seemed to catch on, retreating back further into its alcove.</p><p> </p><p>Ben returned back and handed her the letter. She reached out for it, fingers brushing his momentarily, and she felt a slight shock run through her. What was going on with her?</p><p> </p><p>He returned to his previous place at the window, this time leaning against the sill.</p><p> </p><p>“Headmaster Skywalker made me write this letter” she blurted out before she could stop herself. Goodness, why had she done that? He hadn’t even asked!</p><p> </p><p>He raised an eyebrow, before grinning.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, the let go of your past letter?”</p><p> </p><p>She tilted her head to the side in confusion. He knew about the letter too? How?</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, he made me do the same thing when I first got here.” He said both affectionately, but while scoffing at it, as if the idea was ridiculous.</p><p> </p><p>God, did he have that same magical ability as Luke. Could he tell exactly what she was thinking too? What had he heard in her head??</p><p> </p><p>He lifted a hand to his mouth, attempting to stifle a laugh.</p><p> </p><p>She definitely looked ridiculous right now. All she had done since first seeing him here was gawk at him in horror or shock.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry, you just look so horrified. As if I saw into your mind or something.” He managed to get out, his words slightly muffled through his fingers.</p><p> </p><p>She needed to reign it in, this was colossally mortifying. He waved her over to the sill and she found herself walking there unconsciously. He turned around, returning back to staring out the window, with her at his side.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll give you some sixth-year advice.”</p><p> </p><p>Well that sounded cocky.</p><p> </p><p>“When Headmaster Skywalker tells you to do something, it doesn’t always mean that it’s going to help. It’s hard to let go of your past, and you shouldn’t have to.” His voice turned from lighthearted to serious as he spoke.</p><p> </p><p>“The past is what makes you better. Stronger. And the people who try to tell you it’ll bring you down are weak. It’ll only feed the fire which will help you to grow. Some things can’t be forgiven, and shouldn’t be forgiven.” His voice was hard now, and sounded almost angry.</p><p> </p><p>She could see from his side profile that the lines of his face were now hard. He sounded like he was speaking from experience, and her heart went out to him.</p><p> </p><p>Without thinking she turned to him and patted him on the arm, a gesture of understanding. And he turned towards her, shock now present on his face.</p><p> </p><p>She immediately retracted her hand, awkwardly putting it back down at her side, going back to staring out the window. She could feel his gaze burning into her before turning back to the Black Lake stretched out in front of them.</p><p> </p><p>She didn’t really want to end the conversation with him. They had just settled into a rhythm that was making her feel more comfortable. As if the troubles of the day were fading away, as if they were almost friends. That’s the way she felt he was speaking to her at least.</p><p> </p><p>“So why are you up here so late?” she asked.</p><p> </p><p>He turned to her once again, “I’m on patrol you see” he replied, lifting his hand up to grasp at the shining silver Prefect badge and angling it for her to see. She glanced up at him. He was smiling again, but it didn’t reach his eyes. She could tell the advice had been too personal, and had taken something out of him.</p><p> </p><p>“What happened at lunch today?”</p><p> </p><p>She felt her face fall, and he looked immediately sorry for having brought it up before she sighed and pressed on anyways.</p><p> </p><p>“I messed up my only chance to make friends.” she said quietly.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sure you didn’t.” he said, equally as softly back.</p><p> </p><p>“No, I really did. I lashed out at Finn for trying to relate to me and Rose for even telling him about me in the first place.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well that doesn’t mean anything.” She felt a flash of anger before she shoved it back down.</p><p> </p><p>“What do you mean doesn’t mean anything?” she said, a little bit of anger still making its way through in her tone.</p><p> </p><p>“I just meant that I don’t think they were hurt by it. Judging from their faces afterwards.” He said quickly, as if to assure her he hadn’t meant it in offence.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh.”</p><p> </p><p>“They looked pretty worried after, not angry or malicious. In fact, Dameron had to hold his boyfriend and that other girl back from going after you immediately after.”</p><p> </p><p>She was surprised, “He did? They wanted to come after me?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah” he said wistfully.</p><p> </p><p>“I guess that means I didn’t mess everything up. I must still have a chance.” She could feel the confidence return back to her in a small dose.  </p><p> </p><p>He chuckled again, seeming happy for her, but she could still see that he wasn’t in it.</p><p> </p><p>“Besides, Dameron wouldn’t get offended at all so you should never worry about him. The guy is charming, but also stays completely unfazed by most things.”</p><p> </p><p>She giggled, and he grinned wider. The sadness in his eyes momentarily fleeting before it came back full force.</p><p> </p><p>He dropped his eyes to the floor.</p><p> </p><p>“I think it’s probably time for you to find your way back. It must be late, and first-years aren’t allowed out at this time.” His voice had returned back to a steady cadence, and sounded almost a little cold.</p><p> </p><p>Rey frowned slightly. She knew he hadn’t been all that happy during the conversation, but was she so bad to talk to? She felt slightly offended before chastising herself. She hadn’t expected him to like talking to her. She was a kid compared to him. It couldn’t have been a really impactful conversation for him, and yet Rey felt like the entire world had been lifted off her shoulders in those moments.</p><p> </p><p>The thought made her feel sad too and she moved back over to BB-8. The owl screeched as it climbed onto her wrist, and she gave it the most unimpressed look she could manage, which immediately shut him up.</p><p> </p><p>She gave him the letter and he spread his wings, almost smacking her in the face. She moved back to the windowsill where Ben was now back to looking out the window, and he moved aside momentarily for her to release BB-8.</p><p> </p><p>“Take this somewhere nice and green, BB-8.”</p><p> </p><p>The owl squawked before leaping off her wrist, flying straight out the window and into the night sky, where he disappeared with the stars.</p><p> </p><p>Rey moved to leave and was just about out of the door when she heard his deep, rich voice speak again.</p><p> </p><p>“Goodnight, Rey.” He said softly.</p><p> </p><p>She felt the pressure on her chest release after the coldness of his previous words.</p><p> </p><p>“Goodnight Ben.” She said affectionately.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Forgiveness and Other Sins</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey everyone,</p><p>Sorry that this isn't my best chapter, it definitely feels like filler to me. But we're beginning to advance more into the story and I will be focusing on her interactions with Ben primarily. Despite the lacklustre quality I hope that you are enjoying the story so far!</p><p>Please let me know what you think, comments are my favourite part of all of this.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rey was dreaming again.</p><p> </p><p>This time she found herself in a dark room surrounded by different knick-knacks, frozen in place. Most of it was made up of things she had never seen before. A crystal ball on the dusty shelves, many jars, pendants with hourglasses spinning in them. It was all unfamiliar.</p><p> </p><p>Any source of natural light was being obscured by something, causing it to faintly shine through. It illuminated the room in a menacing way. The black brick making up the floors and walls that reached the ceiling with little alcoves carved into them for the different objects reflecting the light back up and slipping through the cracks.</p><p> </p><p>The room felt cold, empty, and…... dark. It was almost comfortable, until it wasn’t. She could feel something clawing at her chest, piercing at her mind inducing a volatile headache. She clutched at her head, trying to draw it out.</p><p> </p><p>She dropped to her knees, the shadow in her brain threatening to break out. She felt like she was about to burst, releasing something <em>catastrophic</em>.</p><p> </p><p>She could just barely recognize her surroundings at this point but it suddenly cleared, her vision so sharp now that she felt a sharp stab behind her eyes.</p><p> </p><p>Then she was sinking. She was sinking into the floor, as the brick stretched and melted beneath her. She grabbed at the grooves between the brickwork, trying to hang on with just her fingernails, pain shooting up them and settling in her wrists.</p><p> </p><p>Around her, obsidian gave way to an abyss and there was nothing to hold onto, the white train of her robes from Jakku streaming up around her. A fallen angel.</p><p> </p><p>Rey fell until she was no longer falling. Now she found herself obscured behind what seemed like a bar. Drinks littered the glass shelving, and smashed bottles with their jagged edges and sweet smelling liquor were spilt everywhere around her. She could hear voices which started out as a whisper and grew until she could tell they were definitely feminine.</p><p> </p><p>“You killed them. Why? What do you want from them… from us?”</p><p> </p><p>The voice sounded broken and tired, as vivid as she could imagine the tears streaking down the girl’s face were.</p><p> </p><p>There was no sound.</p><p> </p><p>Then suddenly, “Avada Kedavra”</p><p> </p><p>She brought herself off her knees and to her feet in a crouching position to be able to see above the bar just in time to watch the body collapse to the floor. She noticed the face, at peace, as it fell. It was Paige. Paige Tico.</p><p> </p><p>Rey screamed. But nothing came out of her mouth, and she felt bile begin to creep up her throat, and spill out of her mouth with no resistance. But it felt different. Viscous. She brought her hand up to her mouth, and drew away. A black sticky tar was present on her fingertips.</p><p> </p><p>The crunching of glass forced her eyes up and the entire scene dissolved.</p><p> </p><p>She was now standing on a bridge made up of metal grating. Faint blue and red smoke twirled around her, curling its tendrils and dissipating. Heavy footsteps echoed behind her getting closer and closer. She turned and was met face to face with a tall figure, dressed in all back. A mask obscuring its face.</p><p> </p><p>The creature thrust its hand towards her, as if beckoning her to slip hers into it and lace their fingers together. She felt tempted to, could feel almost feel warm emanating from the leather gloves.</p><p> </p><p>But the warmth gave way to a muted emotion, one of anger and rage that filled her so completely she couldn’t help but recoil.</p><p> </p><p>It stepped a little bit closer, thrusting its hand out with more force.</p><p> </p><p>An automated voice came through a vocoder, she could hear it waver slightly, as if it had been a trick of the imagination when it spoke the words, “Let the past die. Kill it if you have to.”</p><p> </p><p>She could feel the faint prickle of tears at the corners of her eyes. She blinked them away rapidly.</p><p> </p><p>“No.” she sounded foreign to her own ears. Older. Jaded.</p><p> </p><p>The bridge fell away and she watched in horror as the creature stared at her descending into nothingness.</p><p> </p><p>Her back hit something hard, and ache shot up her spine. She tried to open her eyes but was unable to, a sensation of paralysis preventing any movement.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey…”</p><p> </p><p>She would that recognize anywhere. It’s familiarity causing her heart rate to spike so rapidly she feared she would have a heart attack. She struggled and thrashed against her invisible bonds scared for her life as she could feel no difference in her position.</p><p> </p><p>She and the ground were bound to each other. The trace of meaty fingers began to part her robes, sliding the tunic up until it was under her breast band, exposing her stomach to the cold air. She gasped.</p><p> </p><p>Her thoughts swirled around her, and the entire world fell silent as she noticed the cold metal on her stomach. A knife. It was a knife.</p><p> </p><p>It began to increase pressure as it dug into her and she felt as the tip broke into her skin. She yelped. Then it began to move deeper, eliciting a cry of genuine pain from her.</p><p> </p><p>All she could hear was her, her agony. It began to drag through the soft flesh, confirming her fear. This is what she had imagined had happened when she had blacked out the first time.</p><p> </p><p>She was destined to feel it in its entirety. All the sensations in her body were amplified and as more and more skin split she gritted her teeth together to stop from reacting. The knife moved deeper and continued a long stroke and that was when she screamed.</p><p> </p><p>She screamed until she could feel her throat become raw and comforting arms enveloped her, stroking her hair softly as they whispered comforting words. But she couldn’t believe them. She had felt it in her. And that was when she realized she was awake.</p><p> </p><p>And Rose Tico was the one holding her.</p><p> </p><p>…………….</p><p> </p><p>It had been a week since Rey had first started at Hogwarts and things hadn’t necessarily improved substantially but she was adjusting. Little by little…. but it was progress. The night before she had awoken from her bad dream to find Rose holding her, which had been awkward considering the fact that Rey had avoided her for the entire week.</p><p> </p><p>But Rose didn’t seem to mind at all, she had been determined to wait until Rey had stopped shaking before she returned to her own bed and went back to sleep. She had felt guilty all over again and had laid awake the entire night about how she had left things with her, Finn, and Poe.</p><p> </p><p>Which is why she was resolved to apologize to them today. Finally. She had tried a few times before that, but had failed and backed out each time. Ben’s words in the Owlery had made her realize that she had grossly misunderstood what Finn was trying to do and had filled her with such deep regret that she felt even worse about being a coward and not having said anything to the group earlier.</p><p>She had watched as the three of them had grown closer, until they had become a new group within the first week, and she wondered whether she would be their fourth if she hadn’t messed everything up.</p><p> </p><p>Maybe she still could. And it was Ben who had convinced her in the end. Speaking of him, he was another problem. He had gone from hot to cold in that conversation as fast as he had flipped a switch and she didn’t know whether they were acquaintances now or even possibly friends.</p><p> </p><p>But there wasn’t much she could do about that situation as she hadn’t seen him for the past week, considering that it would be due to the years between them. He was probably preoccupied with his classes. But Rey couldn’t help but feel like she was meant to be near him.</p><p> </p><p>His energy had calmed her and put her through more emotions than she had felt in her entire life. It was charming, and alarming. There was a nagging feeling at the back of her head that told her to investigate, to gather as much information as she could about Ben Solo. Because she had nearly thrown her own heart on the floor and stomped on it when he had looked at her with sadness in his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>As well, her dreams had also alarmed her. The one she had encountered last night was the second one she had had so far, the first being when she was on the train. The creature in the mask had been present in both dreams, and she wondered if they were linked in some way. Could it all mean something? It felt important somehow, but she didn’t know why.</p><p> </p><p>The integration of magic in her life was leaving her head spinning, but she was beginning to rise in her classes. She had gotten the opportunity to use her wand for the first time in her first Charms class, and had been hailed as such a natural by Professor Holdo that she was proud of herself. For the first time since then she had felt that maybe she had a place at the school.</p><p> </p><p>During the week, she attended her second meeting with Headmaster Skywalker and had been questioned by him about her performance in classes, and how she was doing. But oddly enough, he never mentioned the letter. She had to admit that she had felt somewhat better in the days after and she acknowledged that he must have known it would work.</p><p> </p><p>Rey was feeling much lighter. Like almost everything had been lifted off her shoulders. </p><p> </p><p>Except for when she attended Defense Against the Dark Arts. That class irked feelings in her that reminded her too much of all the strange occurrences that had happened around her since attending Hogwarts. She had also been told that she was exceptional at that class after being able to cast away a Bogart in the form of Plutt within seconds. Rey didn’t feel quite the same as Professor Renorum in that matter.</p><p> </p><p>There was something about that course that didn’t sit well with her. Not at all. But she did enjoy it, perhaps more than she should have.</p><p>Her feats in class had earned her quite a few scorching looks along with occasional whispers in the hall, but it was nothing she couldn’t deal with. Rather, she paid no attention to it but instead counted down the days until she could sneak off in the night and break curfew again. She had been paying mind to creating a schedule for when she would sneak out, so as to avoid it becoming a regular occurrence lest she got caught.</p><p> </p><p>Tonight, was the night when she would do it. Maybe she would search for Ben Solo again near the Owlery. The thought sent a thrill through her.</p><p> </p><p>………</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s Herbology class ended early(she had been discharged really) and found herself walking back alone from the greenhouse. The class had just gotten their eardrums blasted by some mandrakes, who shrieked as if they were being stabbed in the throat. Rey almost knew the feeling.</p><p> </p><p>She had forgotten to put her headphones on at first sight of seeing the adorable creatures, and that was when they collectively decided to let out a wail of pure torture. She could still feel the ringing reverberating in her ears. The cold wind nipped her skin, making her draw her arms close to herself to conserve heat.</p><p> </p><p>As she strolled, she found herself passing by a ramshackle hut. She had found out rather late into the week that it was where Chewbacca was currently residing. As soon as that information was made known to her, she had decided that at her earliest convenience she would go visit. However, today didn’t feel like the day.</p><p> </p><p>She needed to psyche herself up before she went to go see Chewie. She wouldn’t be able to face him unless she did. And her eardrums were quite literally on fire.</p><p> </p><p>Climbing the steps to the castle she found herself in the courtyard where students were milling around in small groups conversing. She hadn’t expected to see so many people out of class early and found herself narrowly avoiding bumping into people. Her face was squished between backs, disorienting her even more.</p><p> </p><p>She felt uncomfortable, and found it hard to pay attention to her surroundings. The bodies parted slightly and she was able to squeeze her tiny body in between the robes of two tall girls, their ponytails almost smacking her in the face.</p><p> </p><p>When she was finally out of the throng of people she noticed that up ahead of her was a large oak tree, and standing on the far side of it was Ben Solo speaking to Poe Dameron.</p><p> </p><p>She observed the way his features moved as he spoke to Poe, looking at ease, but she could sense the tension in his shoulders. As she neared she watched him relax slightly, his stance becoming more open and less guarded.</p><p>She crossed under the oak tree and that was when his eyes snapped towards her. She was taken aback by their intensity.</p><p> </p><p>His face betrayed nothing, but his eyes said a different story. They looked…. almost alarmed and fearful.</p><p> </p><p>In a move that felt like slow motion she watched him reach into his robes and draw something out. A black wand, with thorns twirling up the expanse. He pointed it towards her, mouth moving slowly, forming words that she couldn’t understand.</p><p> </p><p>“Flipendo!”</p><p> </p><p>And then she was halfway back across the courtyard.</p><p> </p><p>…………</p><p> </p><p>Rey had been knocked flat on her back, all the wind forced out of her, leaving her gasping for air.  She rolled over to her side, coughing roughly.</p><p> </p><p>“What the hell Solo!” Poe’s voice called out angrily but there was no response.</p><p> </p><p>Rey looked up to where Ben had been previously to find him storming towards her. Her eyes flickered to the massive branch that was lying on the ground exactly where she had been seconds ago.</p><p> </p><p>He had saved her.</p><p> </p><p>Her eyes found him again and she searched his face, finding nothing but anger. It reminded her of Plutt. Her eyes widened and she found herself scrambling backwards on her forearms, trying to escape. She had to get away, he was here. Plutt was here and he was going to get her.</p><p> </p><p>She had to get away before he hurt her. He wouldn’t be able to touch her this time.</p><p> </p><p>She found her vision blurring between Ben and Plutt’s form and she was unable to distinguish which one the figure furiously marching towards her was. It settled on Plutt when it finally got close enough to touch her and she realized it was too late. She couldn’t escape.</p><p> </p><p>So she did the only other thing she knew how to do. She threw her arms in front of her face and curled up into a ball.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to.” She sobbed, and she could feel her cheeks burn with the weight of her tears.</p><p> </p><p>A soft touch jolted on her shoulder her back to reality and she flinched. Ben was kneeling beside her, all anger drained from his face. Only desperate sadness there. Broken. This. This is what he really looked like. This was the face he was hiding. Her hands reached out towards him, towards his face. Desperate to check for something, she didn’t know what.</p><p> </p><p>Instead she felt another set of arms beneath her shoulders, hoisting her up to her feet and winding themselves around her shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>Poe’s voice rang in her ears, “Come on Rey. I’m going to take you back to your dorm.”</p><p> </p><p>She felt herself being tugged away, feeling discombobulated, but couldn’t help glancing over her shoulder. His dark eyes held hers as she was led away, and the slight quivering of his lip was the only indication of the scared boy she had seen for a few fleeting moments.</p><p> </p><p>…….</p><p> </p><p>Rey somewhat came to herself when she felt herself being pushed down into the worn armchairs of the Gryffindor common room. Standing in front of her were Poe, Finn, and Rose. How had they gotten there? Where was Ben?</p><p> </p><p>She had to speak to him. She needed to help him. He understood. He was broken, as broken as her. She had seen that kind of sorrow before, once, when she had glanced in the mirror at herself.</p><p> </p><p>Ben knew <em>her</em> pain.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey!” a light voice shook her fiercely. “Rey!” it called again. She snapped out of a daze.</p><p> </p><p>“You could have been killed! What would I have done without you. You’re the first friend I made here.” Rose wailed, launching herself at Rey, arms tightening around her.</p><p> </p><p>Rey could feel her concern and allowed the hug. It bore no ill will towards her. She stiffly found herself winding her own arms around the petite girl’s back. Wetness dropped onto her shoulder and she realized what was happening.</p><p> </p><p>Rose had been scared for her life? For the girl who had tossed her aside less than a day after meeting over a simple misunderstanding. Rey could feel her own tears slide down her face, and she found the words forcing themselves out of her mouth before she could stop it.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry I pushed you away Rose. I know you weren’t trying to be deliberately malicious. I overreacted. I didn’t even tell you I didn’t want that information spread.” She sobbed once more.</p><p> </p><p>Rose pulled away and gave her a watery smile that said all was forgiven, and that was when Rey knew. She wouldn’t disappoint her again. They were friends.</p><p> </p><p>Finn appeared from behind Poe and opened his mouth to speak before Rey shut him up.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry Finn. I know you were just trying to help. I reacted badly to your kindness. I hope you can forgive me.”</p><p> </p><p>The boy gathered her up in her arms, squeezing, not minding the stray tears that escaped her, before whispering in her ear.</p><p> </p><p>“All is forgiven Peanut.”</p><p> </p><p>She giggled, wiping her tears, and looked up at Poe who simply nodded and then smiled. He clapped Finn on the back and spoke as if nothing had happened.</p><p> </p><p>“Well now that we’ve almost suffered a casualty. Let’s go have some lunch, shall we?”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Questions Are Asked, But Not Answered</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey everyone! Sorry about the late update, I went MIA there for a little bit. I had a bunch of assignments this week so it was hard to get the chapter in before now. I hope that the story and the characters are behaving with some sort of consistency (I would hate for them to be all over the place). We're heading into time skipping territory so just a warning we will be time skipping quite a bit after this to major events. Hope you all enjoy it! As well, if you need a reminder for which house and year everyone is in....</p><p>Rey: First-year, Gryffindor<br/>Rose: First-year, Gryffindor<br/>Poe: Fourth-year, Slytherin<br/>Finn: Third-year, Hufflepuff<br/>Ben: Sixth-year, Slytherin</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rey didn’t understand why everyone was so outraged at Ben’s actions. They had sat down to lunch ready to dig into the piles of pies and turkey situated in front of them when Poe had burst out into the whole story about what had happened again. She wasn’t eager to relive it herself, but Rose and Finn had been pestering him about it for a few minutes and she had bowed out of explaining.</p><p> </p><p>“I was talking to Solo right? About becoming a Prefect again, getting me in with Tavish and Ranom you know? because they kinda hate me and he was just standing there nodding.” the Slytherin boy talked animatedly as he launched into the story. “He looked like he was just about to say something when his eyes went all wide and scared and then BAM! Rey was all the way across the courtyard just lying on her back”</p><p> </p><p>“So naturally I said, WHAT THE HELL SOLO and then tried to shove him a little bit but he didn’t really move, and then he just ignored me and walked past me to Rey. She was crying and shaking with her hands up in front of her”</p><p> </p><p>He paused, eyes hardening, and Rey frowned, “Er, sorry if that brings up any bad memories” and then he continued, “And then he just kneeled beside her and I was like, I’m definitely not letting him touch her again. So I grabbed her and we left. But honestly it made no sense, who in the world gets scared of a first-year? No offence guys” he said offhandedly to her and Rose.</p><p> </p><p>Finn and Rose immediately jumped in and began to throw around theories both thoroughly outraged at the situation, but her frown was deepening. He hadn’t been scared of her. He was scared <em>for </em>her. Or at least that’s what it had looked like to her. And the way he had looked at her after had just… no she couldn’t think about that right now.</p><p> </p><p>She cut in firmly, “Poe, he saved me.”</p><p> </p><p>The three of them stopped mid-sentence and turned to stare at her.</p><p> </p><p>“What the bloody hell do you mean he saved you? What was there to save you from?” he replied incredulously.</p><p> </p><p>“The tree branch. It was massive, and if he hadn’t thrown me out of the way I would probably have a massive concussion right now… or worse.”</p><p> </p><p>He cocked his head to the side, eyes now reading in curiosity, “Rey. There was no tree branch.”</p><p> </p><p>“Now I have no idea what the bloody hell you mean, there was a tree branch! I saw it when I sat up after he knocked me over.” She retorted.</p><p> </p><p>The boy shook his head in disbelief. “You must be seeing things.”</p><p> </p><p>She could feel her face colouring in both embarrassment and anger. She could feel it. She was either about to dig herself into another hole with her friends or just end up hurting herself.</p><p> </p><p>Taking a few seconds to calm down she finally spoke, “I don’t see things Poe. I know what I saw.” Her voice came out controlled and nonchalant, which surprised her honestly. She wasn’t usually very good at suppressing her emotions.</p><p> </p><p>Rey didn’t appreciate being told she saw things at all. She was not crazy, and she knew what she saw. Ben Solo had saved her. And nobody was going to tell her otherwise.</p><p> </p><p>Suddenly the boy himself came striding in. He looked positively horrible, his face pale and mouth twisted into thin line as if to contain himself. One of the Slytherin’s he had walked in with on the first night was walking beside him trying to keep up with his long stride, and she watched as he put his arm out in front of the taller boy to stop him walking.</p><p> </p><p>He immediately halted in his steps and the friend moved to face him. She could see them talking and she watched as Ben clenched and unclenched his fists a few times.</p><p> </p><p>It was like a rush of energy straight to her brain and she felt very, very dizzy. She swayed a little bit in her chair, the fork dropping out of her hand.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey!” Finn called out in alarm, reaching over the table to place both hands on her shoulders and steady her. A ringing in her ears began, growing louder and louder and she clutched at her head, scratching at it in an attempt to make it go away. Her face contorted in pain and she felt herself hunching over to try and curl herself in a ball.</p><p> </p><p>It was almost head-splitting. She felt like she was about to explode. And then, like a dam that had been broken, she felt the self-hatred seeping out of her, and she instinctively brought her hand to her heart, all problems with her head forgotten. She almost saw red. She gasped, trying to catch her breath.</p><p> </p><p>Oh how she hated herself. Felt the hatred within her boil until it was so hot she felt it underneath her skin. And as quickly as it had come it shut off. She was left reeling.</p><p> </p><p>What had happened? What in the world had happened? And why was it so scary? She was scared. Of herself.</p><p> </p><p>For the second time that day she felt herself being pulled up and she was barely aware of being dragged out of the room and down the hall. Voices circled around her but she couldn’t focus on them. She knew he was watching her. She had felt Ben’s eyes on her from the second Finn had shouted her name.</p><p> </p><p>What was happening to her?</p><p> </p><p>…………………</p><p> </p><p>“Come on Poe” Rose called. “We have to get her to the Hospital Wing!</p><p> </p><p>“I am so murdering Solo when we get out of here.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re next in line Finn, I call getting a chance first.”</p><p> </p><p>“Guys” Rey said, tripping over her feet as they continued dragging her like a ragdoll. “I’m fine” she reassured.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh god, you are so NOT fine” exclaimed Rose.</p><p> </p><p>“We’re getting you medical help whether you like it or not Peanut.” Finn replied, and Poe chimed in with a hard “Yeah!”</p><p> </p><p>She rolled her eyes. She was fine. She just didn’t feel…. Great. Something weird was going on. The hatred had felt like hers, but also hadn’t felt like hers.</p><p> </p><p>Like it wasn’t meant to be there. But she couldn’t explain to them that the reason why she had reacted so strongly was a headache and because she hated herself. It didn’t even make sense to her!</p><p> </p><p>The three students dragged her into the Hospital and dumped her onto an open bed, barely giving herself time to get up and explain to them that she was once again, fine, before a screen was drawn closed.</p><p> </p><p>Her clothes began to slip off of her, folding themselves in the air and settling down on a chair beside the bed. She was left cold for a few seconds and a gown immediately flew over to her from underneath the screen and tied itself around her.</p><p> </p><p>The screen was drawn back and she found the three of them still standing there.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m really fine. This whole thing was unnecessary. In fact-“ she said picking up the folded clothes from their place on the chair, “I think I’m gonna get changed and head back to the dorms now.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh no you’re not” Finn shot back, pushing her and making her fall onto the bed. “You’re not going anywhere until at least tomorrow morning and then we’ll come back to get you.”</p><p> </p><p>“I-“</p><p> </p><p>“Nope. Tomorrow.”</p><p> </p><p>“But-“</p><p> </p><p>“Tomorrow.”</p><p> </p><p>She huffed out a “Fine” rather begrudgingly, and watched as their retreating backs as they exited the wing. She looked around a little bit, drumming her fingers on her thigh and waiting for somebody to come out. But nobody seemed to be around.</p><p> </p><p>She didn’t have to stay here if there was nobody around, right? It’s not like they had any way of knowing…. There were no eyewitnesses…</p><p> </p><p>She stood up and reached for the sheet, dragging it back around the bed until she had pull privacy. Then, she hurriedly put her uniform back on and tiptoed out of the Hospital Wing quietly.</p><p> </p><p>She needed some peace and quiet away from people. She needed the library.</p><p> </p><p>……………..</p><p> </p><p>Rey had been combing books for the past few hours and hiding behind rows of bookcases anytime she heard people approaching or nearby. She was trying her best to avoid any sort of confrontation or interactions of any sort, especially after what had happened merely two hours ago when she had overheard some people gossiping about what had happened to her.</p><p> </p><p>“Did you hear? The sixth-year Prefect threw a Knockback Jinx at a little first-year girl today. So messed up.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh my god really? Who?”</p><p> </p><p>“That little scrawny one who came in with those horrid tattered white robes.”</p><p> </p><p>“Was that the same one who blew up for no reason during lunch last week?”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s the one.”</p><p> </p><p>The feminine voices dissolved into laughter. “Maybe she deserved it then. She seems like a little bit of a freak. I don’t blame him for flipping out when he saw her.” Then more giggles.</p><p> </p><p>She hadn’t been sure how fast her emotions had switched between anger over how nastily they had spoken of Ben to absolute mortification and embarrassment to anger but by the end of it she had almost leapt from her hiding place and thrown a Knockback Jinx at them herself.</p><p> </p><p>She didn’t want to hear it. Any of it, really. It seemed that there were nasty kids everywhere she went, regardless of whether it was a fancy school or not.</p><p> </p><p>Besides, it wasn’t what she had come to the library for. She had wanted peace and quiet and some time to study more spells. It was exactly what she had gotten. Flipping through some of the books on the many shelves she found a variety of charms and spells that she would have loved to have been able to make use of when she was at Plutt’s.</p><p> </p><p>The first one was the disillusionment charm, which she could have used to blend in with her surroundings whenever he was drunk. Then he wouldn’t have seen her and couldn’t have taken his anger out on her. As well, Episkey could have been used to heal some of her injuries so she wouldn’t have had to sit around with them for weeks.</p><p> </p><p>She spent some of her time practicing them along with a few of the spells she had learnt in her classes for the week before collapsing returning back to the shelves to find some more books of interest. She moved to the back of the library to start at the furthest shelves and work her way back up when a darker section caught her eye.</p><p> </p><p>It wasn’t lit up quite the same as the rest of the library, and even seemed a little bit ominous in the way the light cast shadows around it. Technically it was the actual back of the library… so it couldn’t hurt to take a look. Or at least that’s what she had decided to tell herself.</p><p> </p><p>Rey found herself moving closer and closer to the darkened section, enjoying the shiver that traced itself down her spine as she did so.</p><p> </p><p>“Stop right there Miss Solana.”</p><p> </p><p>She halted in her tracks. Frozen in place. Who was it now? Was she going to get in trouble for this?</p><p> </p><p>“Students are not allowed in the Restricted Section without a note of permission from a teacher.”</p><p> </p><p>She didn’t dare to turn around and instead directed her answer back over her shoulder. The person probably thought she was really weird.</p><p> </p><p>“I was just trying to get to the last shelves, I wasn’t trying to go into the Restricted Section.” She lied.</p><p> </p><p>“Mhm. If I catch you around there I’ll take 50 points from Gryffindor.”</p><p> </p><p>She listened intently to hear the footsteps softly recede and she breathed out a sigh of relief. She assumed it must have been the librarian but Rey knew she wouldn’t be kept away from those books. It was only a matter of time before she figured out how to get in…. and when she did…. Well not a single one of them was going unread.</p><p> </p><p>……………..</p><p> </p><p>Exhausted from all the reading she had done; Rey had traipsed back to the Great Hall for a few bites before heading to bed. What she had not realized beforehand, was that she technically was supposed to be in the Hospital Wing until tomorrow morning. Unfortunately, as soon as she had locked eyes with Rose she knew it was too late.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey!” the petite girl shot up from her seat at the table.</p><p> </p><p>She could tell this was going to be a train wreck if she didn’t come up with an excuse. And fast.</p><p> </p><p>Finn and Poe turned to look behind themselves immediately at the sound of Rose’s outburst, and she could swear she saw the disappointment clear on their faces.</p><p> </p><p>“Discharged” she blurted out immediately.</p><p> </p><p>What other excuse could she come up with? There wasn’t really another that had come to mind… but she had gotten out of worse scrapes before with excuses that made far less sense than the one she had just given so she stood waiting for their reaction.</p><p> </p><p>In a few seconds, their faces had softened and they were all grinning up at her.</p><p> </p><p>“Come eat then!” they called her over, and she returned a smile back to them.</p><p> </p><p>At least she knew that wasn’t getting in any trouble with them today. She really had to be careful about them. She didn’t like lying, but she also didn’t want a repeat of what had happened last week. They were all she had, and after how close they had become in just those few days, she knew that this time if she broke their friendship it would be even worse.</p><p> </p><p>She sat down beside Rose, stabbing her fork into a particularly meaty piece of turkey. She had found that she was getting more used to eating a little bit more at dinner, but usually she got a few grumbles from everyone about how she never finished even half of her food before one of them stole it off her plate.</p><p> </p><p>“So, how was the stay in the hospital?”</p><p> </p><p>She cringed slightly. She was going to have to lie for this whole conversation, wasn’t she?</p><p> </p><p>“Great. They’re super nice over there, really felt like home.”. At first she had meant the phrase to seem genuine but by the end she found she had turned it sarcastic. Oh well.</p><p> </p><p>They all laughed a little bit at her remark. “Good thing to know. I’ll make sure not to end up there then.” said Rose.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not sure there’s anything you can do to avoid it. Almost every first year ends up in there at some point. Actually, it’s a milestone for every Hogwarts student. Can’t say you’ve been here if you didn’t end up needing to visit there too.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey giggled, but the moment was cut short when she found her eyes flickering to the table behind them. She locked eyes with Ben Solo.</p><p> </p><p>All her feelings earlier in the day came flooding back, and she fought an intense urge to collect him in a big hug. She had pushed the thought of him and his broken eyes away for most of the day, and had kept it at bay, because she knew she would dwell on it until she finally got to talk to him.</p><p> </p><p>She had even managed to suppress it when she had seen him earlier before her headache or whatever that even was because she hadn’t truly seen him. But now….</p><p> </p><p>She needed to talk to him. He just… she just knew that he would understand. They were alike. Similar. And he wouldn’t tell her that she was crazy. She couldn’t explain the feeling herself or how she had been able to will it away. But it was back now and she felt like her heart was going to combust with sadness if she didn’t talk to him right now.</p><p> </p><p>Thankfully, she watched as he rose from his seat and began to move in a direction that indicated he was coming towards her. When he finally reached their table, she saw him up close. He was pretending again. Pretending like felt nothing. But she caught the glimmer of fear in his eyes.</p><p>What was he afraid of? What could he possibly be afraid of? It confused her immensely.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey.” His rich voice cut through the conversation at the table and she had no time to stop Finn before the Hufflepuff had shot up in his seat and was waving his fists in the other boy’s face.</p><p> </p><p>“What are you doing here! I thought it was pretty clear that you should stay away from her after the whole stunt you pulled. She even got a concussion because of you, you’re-“</p><p> </p><p>He took in the boy’s snarling face, before looking past him, straight at her. “Rey, can I talk to you?”</p><p> </p><p>She nodded, and he began walking away to go into the hallway, as if asking her to follow him.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey! You’re not going anywhere! If you want to have a conversation with her, you’ll have it with all of-“</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s shoulders dropped, and his entire posture seemed to sag a little with defeat.</p><p> </p><p>“Finn.” She stepped in, “It’s fine. It’s between me and him anyways.”</p><p> </p><p>He just stared at her with a confused and annoyed expression on his face, and Poe grabbed him by the arm, tugging him back down to his seat. She took that as her cue to leave.</p><p> </p><p>She looked back over to where Ben had gone to see that he had paused, watching the conversation and…. her… intently.  </p><p> </p><p>She followed him out into the hallway and they stopped in front of one of the gargoyles further down. He stopped abruptly in front of her without her realizing, and she almost slammed into his back, causing her to back up immediately. She was not going to fall over in the middle of this conversation.</p><p> </p><p>He turned to face her slowly, remorse colouring his features. Once again, she couldn’t understand it. Why was he-</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>What? This was all kinds of confusing. What was he sorry for?</p><p> </p><p>“I… I don’t know what I was thinking, It’s just that I saw….” He stopped in the middle of his sentence, as if he had been cut off mid-way and she saw his lips quiver slightly again before he continued, “I don’t know why I did it. I really have no explanation. I’m just… I’m sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>She felt like crying… especially since he had that look back on his face. He sounded like he was trying to keep it together, but she could tell he felt horrible for it. But there was nothing for him to feel horrible about. He had saved her, so why was he acting as if he hadn’t?</p><p> </p><p>She reached out towards him shakily, and his face contorted into one of shock as she placed her hand on his forearm. “Hey, what are you saying? You saved me. If it hadn’t been for you I would probably have gotten really hurt.” She smiled at him brightly. Trying to make him see that whatever he obviously thought she should hate him for, she didn't.</p><p> </p><p>He seemed utterly taken aback. “I didn’t save you….”</p><p> </p><p>She shook her head in disbelief. “Yeah, you did. There was a massive branch. You must have seen it.”</p><p> </p><p>Now he had her doubting herself. Even he hadn’t seen it? Was Poe right then? No. She knew she did. Why was he saying that he didn’t? There was no reason for him to have used the Knockback Jinx on her and look so scared for her, unless he really did do it randomly. NO. She was right. She had to be right.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know what you think you saw, but there was no branch. I just explained to you I don’t know why I did it, but I’m sorry. It was wrong of me to randomly jinx a child I wasn’t even dueling with.” His voice was now cold, and his eyes shifted to certain hardness that made her feel sick.</p><p> </p><p>She wanted to shake him and tell him that he was lying. There was something wrong. It just didn’t feel right at all. And she didn’t want him to be mad, he could understand, she couldn’t lose that. She still had to-</p><p> </p><p>He jerked his arm back.</p><p> </p><p>“There was nothing there.” He repeated. Then he stormed off down the hallway.</p><p> </p><p>What had gone wrong?</p>
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<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Night Prowlers</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi everyone! I am SO SORRY about the late update. I meant to have this in two days ago and have an update for All That Glitters Is Gold as well but it just took me three days to get this chapter done. I just kept waiting for the right moment to update when I thought more people would be able to read it, but I kept missing it or not getting the book done in time. So at last I decided I couldn't leave you all without an update. Hope this chapter makes up for it! It's pretty long but there's lots of hidden tidbits i'm hoping you pick up on. </p><p>Let me know in the comments what days or times you think are best for your reading and i'll try my best to update around then! As always, hope you enjoy :D</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It had been three months since Rey had gotten to Hogwarts, almost November, and things were looking up.</p><p> </p><p>“That was the worst test ever.”</p><p> </p><p>“I honestly didn’t think it was terrible…”</p><p> </p><p>“Rey you only say that because you’re some type of genius, you’re the only first year out here acing all their classes.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sure that’s not true…”</p><p> </p><p>“Stuff and nonsense. I’m tired of you saying it’s not. We’ve been here three months and you seem to get compliments from all the professors about how fast you pick things up every five minutes. Even Torizino doesn’t get mad when you don’t get the proper answer in class anymore, you should see Violet Ivoriar’s face afterwards!”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s not like that Rose, and Professor Pryde certainly doesn’t think so. Also, Violet is better than me in classes, she’s been trying to best me since the first day.”</p><p> </p><p>“First off Pryde doesn’t count. Secondly, of course it’s not like that to you! You’re the one living it! Thirdly, Violet wishes she was even half as good as you I swear that girl is rotten to the core for a Gryffindor.” the raven-haired girl said, sighing in defeat.</p><p> </p><p>It had been a good three months. Rey and Rose were closer than ever and the two of them along with Finn and Poe were quickly gaining a reputation as an iconic quartet, not that she really noticed. Although Rey was pretty sure that majority of the attention they got stemmed from Poe and his charming yet mouthy personality. He was a pretty fiery individual when he didn’t agree with something.</p><p> </p><p>Rey had just gotten out of her Defense Against the Dark Arts test and was feeling particularly proud of herself, she had performed the Verdimillious Uno, Verdimillious Duo, and Verdimillious Tria spells consecutively with no mistakes.</p><p> </p><p> Especially considering the fact that she wasn’t even supposed to do the last one and coupled with her powerful Curse of the Bogies she had effectively sent Professor Renorum on a run to the Hospital Wing after class.</p><p> </p><p>She was finally moving up.</p><p> </p><p>Often times she found herself in the library reading up on new spells, which she mainly attributed for her success, and scouting out the area for when she would finally be able to infiltrate the coveted Restricted Section.</p><p> </p><p>In fact, she was planning it for tonight.</p><p> </p><p>She had been very meticulous in her planning, often visiting the library in the night and scoping out the area for Prefects on guard or even the Librarian, whom she hadn’t seen since September in all honesty.</p><p> </p><p>Just last night while snooping around she had overheard that the Prefects were not to be on duty for the night. Which meant it was the perfect time for her to slip in and out of the Library and make it back to the dorm unnoticed without having to continuously hide herself.</p><p> </p><p>She still had a scratch on her thigh from when she had nicked herself on the wall a few weeks ago, a long one that ran up her thigh joining her collection of markings. She hadn’t told Rose, who had caught her sneaking out back in September, or Finn and Poe who heard about it the next morning. But if her roommate (the one who was present anyways), knew that she had snuck into the Hospital Wing and almost gotten caught she wouldn’t have been allowed to go out again.</p><p> </p><p>That was Rose’s only rule. Don’t get caught, and stay safe. Which she had thoroughly disregarded from the moment she stepped foot on the grounds of Hogwarts if she was being honest.</p><p> </p><p>Either way tonight was the night, and Rey could feel the excitement creeping up on her. Her first real adventure in the castle! Nothing could ruin it now.</p><p> </p><p>She turned the corner reveling in her excitement when she saw a tall boy at the other end of the hall coming their way, chatting with his friends.</p><p> </p><p>Maybe something could ruin it.</p><p> </p><p>Ever since his apology after dinner Ben had made himself very scarce. So scarce that Rey was surprised that she was even seeing him in the flesh currently. And worst of all on top of that. He wouldn’t even look at her. If she ended up looking his way at a meal, he was coincidentally turned in the opposite direction.</p><p> </p><p>If she passed right by him on her way to class, it was as if she had been invisible.</p><p> </p><p>She couldn’t tell whether it was on purpose or not, because he was a sixth-year and she heard they were busy all the time. But sometimes it felt less and less like an accident and more and more like he was avoiding her.</p><p> </p><p>Which hurt her feelings.</p><p> </p><p>She tried not to think about it too much all things considered but she couldn’t help but notice the tightness in his features, coiled and defensive.</p><p> </p><p>Rey didn’t understand why she was so prone to thinking about him. It seemed like five times a day she was pushing thoughts of his intensely expressive eyes, and perfectly messy black hair, and the weird slightly fluttering feeling in her stomach. It almost felt wrong. Almost.</p><p> </p><p>Either way even though she didn’t know what it was she could tell if she told Rose she would be very embarrassed so she kept to herself, and watched him from afar.</p><p> </p><p>As they continued down the hallway she noticed how he was clenching and unclenching his fists slightly, although it looked like he has having a casual conversation. She felt his presence nearing and when they finally crossed beside each other momentarily, it felt like all tension in the air had evaporated.</p><p> </p><p>She relaxed her shoulders a little bit.</p><p> </p><p>Rose shrieked beside her.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey we’re late to Potions class! Pryde is going to have our heads!”</p><p> </p><p>They took off tearing down the hallways and to the dungeon.</p><p> </p><p>……………….</p><p> </p><p>Rose burst through the doors of the Potions class located in the chamber, Rey following closely behind her.</p><p> </p><p>“Professor Pryde we’re so sorry we-“</p><p> </p><p>“I would appreciate if you didn’t interrupt my class Ms. Tico” the greying Professor bit out, looking past her to nod at Rey. “Miss Solana”</p><p> </p><p>She felt a creeping feeling over her skin, and shuddered, trying to shake it off. The Professor paused for a few beats, waiting for the girls to take their seats before he resumed class.</p><p> </p><p>“Today, we are going to learn how to create the Draught of Living Death. Before you lay wormwood, root of asphodel, sloth brain, and sopophorous bean along with a mortar and pestle and your cauldrons.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey watched as around her students turned to each other, voices barely above a whisper, concerned expressions across their faces. She knew the Draught of Living Death from the library, and from what she could remember it was a sixth-year potion. So why was Prdye teaching it now?</p><p> </p><p>“Silence” a sharp hiss broke upon the class of first-years, who immediately shut up, sitting rigid in their seats. As far as Rey knew EVERYONE was scared of Pryde. She understood the feeling, as she often felt uncomfortable in his presence, choosing to sit in the back as far away as possible from him. She also knew that he hated her, with a definite passion.</p><p> </p><p>Often, she had felt him watching her as she created her potions in a way that made her skin crawl like it used to when she saw the visitors Plutt brought into the house. Except now it felt like he was waiting for her to slip up and make a wrong move.</p><p> </p><p>“If none of you succeed in creating this potion, I will make sure that you all fail this class for the rest of the year. You have one hour.”</p><p> </p><p>Rose groaned beside her, sharing the same sentiment as everybody in the class who similarly echoed this, and she saw Violet turn around to give her a scathing glare, which she disregarded.</p><p> </p><p>She just felt angry. It was completely unfair for him to do that. She had been working hard in his class in the past few months, and she was not going to let him ruin her marks like that.</p><p> </p><p>She stood up. “You can’t do that.”</p><p> </p><p>Immediately, his eyes snapped to her and a positively wretched grin found its way onto his face.</p><p> </p><p>“I believe I can Miss Solana” he answered, shooting her a look of cold indifference that forced her back down into her seat, and he stayed looking at her before beginning to scan the room again. She suddenly felt even more uncomfortable.</p><p> </p><p>She was on his radar now, and all her work for staying in the back of the class to refrain from drawing attention was all for nothing.</p><p> </p><p>An elbow jabbed into her side slightly. “That was so badass!” said Rose excitedly. Rey shot back a small smile before going to the drawer and picking out a textbook. Flipping to the correct page she finally landed on Draught of Living Death, carefully following instructions so as to not mess it up.</p><p> </p><p>The recipe was surprisingly simple. Add infusion of wormwood, add powdered root of asphodel, stir twice clockwise, add sloth brain, add sopophorous bean juice, and stir seven times anti-clockwise.</p><p> </p><p>But she had no idea how he expected them to get it done within the hour.</p><p> </p><p>It was the kind of potion that would easily take up to two to get it right, so why was he making them do it? In fact, why was he making them brew a sixth-year potion at all?</p><p> </p><p>She got to work crushing the root of asphodel with the pestle, grinding it to a fine powder in the mortar before adding it to the cauldron with the infusion of wormwood.</p><p> </p><p>She turned to Rose, “I-“</p><p> </p><p>“SILENCE” Pryde boomed as he looked down at Violet, who was in front of her, and into her cauldron. She watched as the startled girl dropped too much infusion of wormwood into the cauldron, causing an explosion of purple smoke that sent her crashing to the ground.</p><p> </p><p>Alarmed, Rey was about to move to help the girl when Pryde put his hand up in a motion to effectively halt her before conjuring up a pillow and blanket, which tucked themselves under her on the floor. She still wanted to go to her, but she could tell it wouldn’t be the best idea to undermine his command.</p><p> </p><p>He continued walking about.</p><p> </p><p>“Bloody hell! Is he not even going to call for the nurse? Is he mad?” Rose whisper-yelled to her, shutting up when she saw the Professor’s eyes begin to move in her direction.</p><p> </p><p>But Rey wasn’t really paying attention, preoccupied with crushing up the sopophorous beans and thinking about how he had looked at a girl falling on the floor as if he could care less about what happened to her.</p><p> </p><p>Wasn’t a teacher supposed to care?</p><p> </p><p>She hadn’t seen a teacher act like before. At least at her old school when a child had fainted they had fussed about and then taken them to the infirmary. She didn’t realize that she had gotten so caught up in it that she stopped paying attention to the knife in her hands, until it slipped, slicing into her finger.</p><p> </p><p>Blood spurted from the small wound, finding its way down her wrist and dripping onto the table, mingling with the juice from the bean. What was she supposed to do? She had to wash it off and put pressure on it, but the bean juice was getting all mucky, and somehow she knew he wouldn’t give her more beans for a redo.</p><p> </p><p>She decided to wipe her hand on her robes, feeling the sting when the exposed cut met with the fabric. She kept her right hand to her side, trying to apply pressure while scooping as much juice as she could with the other hand and pouring it into the cauldron.</p><p> </p><p>It bubbled and the potion turned an alarming vanta black before assuming a turquoise colour.</p><p> </p><p>Rey cursed silently in her head. According to the textbook the potion was supposed to turn purple in this stage after adding the beans. She looked up and saw Pryde beginning to approach her shared workstation with Rose who thankfully hadn’t noticed the blood she had spilt everywhere which she hadn’t the time to clean.</p><p> </p><p>The Professor approached her, glancing down to the contents of her cauldron before frowning slightly distastefully, and then looking over it to the table with red smeared all over it.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t believe the recipe called for the blood of a child Miss Solana”</p><p> </p><p>She cringed trying to make herself less aware of the blood still running down her right hand and steadily dropping onto the floor of the dungeon.</p><p> </p><p>“Class is over. You all failed. You can thank Miss Tico and Miss Solana for the events of today.” He gave her one last tight lipped, smug smile that seemed to say “I won” before retreating back to the front of the classroom.</p><p> </p><p>Rey felt the daggers the rest of the class was throwing at the two of them with their eyes and she instinctively shrunk back, grabbing her own textbook and nodding to Rose to go.</p><p> </p><p>Her finger was stinging horribly.</p><p>…………….</p><p> </p><p>It was now nighttime and Rey was waiting for the perfect opportunity to slip away, but Rose was still up. Which meant she couldn’t just yet. Even though Rose knew that she broke curfew and went out, she preferred not to see it so she could have “plausible deniability”. Apparently, it was a term that she had learned from her mom, who was a lawyer.</p><p> </p><p>She was just tucking her wand into a pocket in her robes when she heard a sniffling sound coming from the bathroom. She padded over to the door as the sniffling grew louder.</p><p> </p><p>What was she supposed to do? She thought it sounded almost like the girl was… crying? No, not crying, more like sobbing. She felt a twinge of sadness at that. Rose didn’t deserve to cry about anything.</p><p> </p><p>As the sobs continued through the door she felt with every second passing that she had to do something.</p><p> </p><p>Rey debated on it. She wouldn’t be the best person to comfort her, she had ever had to do something like that before. But here her friend was… hurting.</p><p> </p><p>She knew she wouldn’t just stand there and listen to the whole thing without doing anything. It would be cruel. And Rey was anything but. Rose would have probably barged right in if it was her crying in there anyways, lock or not.</p><p> </p><p>Maybe she should do that? She thought about it for a few seconds before recognizing that might be weird.</p><p> </p><p>So she knocked on the door gently, and suddenly Rose stopped. Rey could tell she was trying to keep her tears in because she was embarrassed she had been caught. She had done that a few times too when… well she couldn’t remember. But she decided to press on anyways.</p><p> </p><p>“Rose, are you alright?”</p><p> </p><p>A shaky voice came through the door, “I’m fine.”</p><p> </p><p>She could tell that she was definitely was not fine.</p><p> </p><p>“If you want to talk about it we can?”</p><p> </p><p>The girl on the other side of the door repeated herself, “I’m fine.” Before she broke out into tears again.</p><p> </p><p>Suddenly, Rey could hear the door being unlocked and the girl came out in her nightgown, throwing herself at her and wrapping Rey in a hug.</p><p> </p><p>She was a little bit startled but leaned into the hug anyways, noticing how the girl was soaking the shoulder of her robes, which meant that she now had tears and lots of blood on the fabric that would need a good washing before she could wear it again.</p><p> </p><p>She patted her shoulder awkwardly, hoping that it was helping with some sort of consolation. But she wasn’t quite sure.</p><p> </p><p>Rose broke apart from the hug and went to go sit on her bed, Rey trailing after her before sitting down beside her cross legged.</p><p> </p><p>She waited until she had exhausted all her tears before the girl began to speak, voice just a little louder than a whisper. “I’ve been getting letters from mom and each time I send one back she never answers anything in them. Even worse they seem to get progressively nastier and nastier.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey frowned. She didn’t really like Rose’s mom because she had felt too condescending back at the train station, but she couldn’t imagine any reason why she would be acting so curt with the daughter she was about to adopt all of a sudden.</p><p> </p><p>Suddenly Rose blurted out voice thick with emotion, “What if she doesn’t want me! What if she’s not actually going to adopt us and this is her way of saying it. I couldn’t bear it if that was the case.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey weighed the probability. It could, truthfully, be possible. She couldn’t find the heart within her to agree with it though. She couldn’t pretend to understand parents or why they could do such a thing. Especially not hers. But she knew she would find them. She had to.</p><p> </p><p> Nothing seemed like the right thing to say, so instead she comforted her.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sure that’s not it at all, she’s probably just stressed out about her job. I’m sure lawyers have to do a lot of things and even defend a lot of people they don’t want to. Maybe it really hurt her and she took it out on you by accident.” She was suddenly thankful for careers day at school.</p><p> </p><p>Rose laughed slightly through her tears, swiping at them with the back of her hand before turning back to Rey.</p><p> </p><p>“I think you might be right. She would never be mean to me on purpose.” She rubbed her hands over her cheeks, wiping off the stray water. “You know you’re pretty good at this.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey really didn’t think she was, but as long as she was helping she didn't mind.</p><p> </p><p>She felt a little awkward but decided to say it anyways, “It’s my first time doing this kind of thing really.”</p><p> </p><p>Rose gasped slightly before smiling, “Well you could have fooled me.” Her smile suddenly grew sad and Rey felt a slight ache in her heart. She knew what feeling like your parents didn’t want you was like, but she wasn’t going to take away from Rose’s moment with something about herself.</p><p> </p><p>“I think I’m going to head over to Paige’s room for tonight… are you gonna be alright on your own?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey smiled back, “I’ll be fine.”</p><p> </p><p>………….</p><p> </p><p>Rey was currently slinking through the halls, having escaped from the dorms after Rose’s departure. Once again, their roommate was nowhere to be found, which made her wonder if she was even still at the school.</p><p> </p><p>Come to think of it, Rey hadn’t seen any of her clothes in the closets either or the girl herself in classes. Which made her wonder if she had been expelled within the first week and nobody had known about it. Either way, it meant that she could continue to do as she wanted whenever she wanted.</p><p> </p><p>She turned the corner to get to the staircase, trying her to best not to make any sound so that she wouldn’t alert any of the paintings. Even if the Prefects weren’t out and about the paintings were complete snitches. Something she had discovered by accident when one of them screamed that there was a student out of bed the one time she hadn’t been so careful.</p><p> </p><p>She made sure to never go into that hallway again. She had no idea how she didn’t get caught because a Prefect had certainly been around that general area.</p><p>She shuffled down the stairs, reaching for the next step when she slipped. Falling awkwardly down a few stairs, and managing to grab onto the bannister to stop herself.</p><p> </p><p>She took in a deep breath, trying not to breathe. The sound of her falling must have woken someone at least. Gripping onto the bannister a little tighter she scrunched herself into it as tightly as possible, just in case one of them could see her.</p><p> </p><p>A voice whispered, a little too loudly “Maxime, I think there’s a student awake.”</p><p> </p><p>“Student in the corridors! Out of bed! Where are they? We must report them immediately. Always going around ruining our beauty sleep.”</p><p> </p><p>She scrunched into herself a little bit more, willing herself to stay camouflaged.</p><p> </p><p>“There’s a shape…”</p><p> </p><p>She panicked, reaching slowly into her robes before drawing out her wand. “Think Rey. Think.”</p><p> </p><p>A charm. A charm she wasn’t supposed to know yet. She could just remember it from the latest book in the library.</p><p> </p><p>Using her robes as a tent and muttering quietly, she twirled the wand above her head as if she was wrapping herself in a rope.</p><p> </p><p>She could see the dark space in her tent light up with white light, bursting from the tip of her ivory white wand.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey! I see a light over there!”</p><p> </p><p>Her heart started racing. If she got caught then she didn’t know what would happen, but it was making her very nervous so it couldn’t be good.</p><p> </p><p>A sensation as if a raw egg had been cracked on her head, and was now dripping down her happened and the light coming from the wand was extinguished. The disillusionment charm was cast.</p><p> </p><p>“Where? I don’t see anything?”</p><p> </p><p>“What? Maxime I swear it was right there.”</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t believe you woke me up, always complaining about students and yet it never seems like there is one around when you say. If you wake me again I’ll make Skywalker take your frame down.”</p><p> </p><p>“No, wait. I’m sorry, I swear there was-“</p><p> </p><p>“Shhhhh!”</p><p> </p><p>She should probably do that more often. Basically, every time she attempted this. She could hear the man in the painting grumbling before eventually his grumbles turned to snores and she assumed it was safe to move.</p><p> </p><p>She got up slowly, letting go of the banister and tiptoed down. At least the stairs hadn’t moved while she was on them.</p><p> </p><p>She reached the floor, and took off down a corridor she knew which led straight to the library.</p><p> </p><p>As she neared it she felt like maybe she should go back. Just turn around and go back to the dorms. Forget whatever was in the Restricted Section forever and just move on with her life knowing she would never be allowed in there.</p><p> </p><p>But what secrets would it hold? What could possibly be in there that was restricted?</p><p> </p><p>She had never been one to jump headfirst into danger, she looked at the situation and if she was acting on behalf of self-preservation then she would save herself first. But she wasn’t in danger.</p><p> </p><p>She was choosing to risk something by entering this part of the library. It looked dark…</p><p> </p><p>It certainly felt dark. It pulled her the same way the water had right before that evil creature had tried to bite her hand off, the way her dreams did, and the way those voices did.</p><p> </p><p>Which is why she found herself unable to resist. The call into the shadows. It was too tempting.</p><p> </p><p>Rey didn’t have nearly enough of the light and bravery of a Gryffindor to stop herself. Maybe that made her really Slytherin all along. It terrified her, but then it washed over her, feeding on that terror. Channeling it.</p><p> </p><p>She opened the door to the library.</p><p> </p><p>There was nobody in sight. But she hadn’t expected there to be.</p><p> </p><p>She ducked behind bookcases just in case, flattening her back against the rows of old text, and shuffling down.</p><p> </p><p>She reached the back of the library and saw it.</p><p> </p><p>Shadows towering higher than before, magnified in the pale moonlight. An energy surrounded it, menacing and sharp. She pressed on forward, enveloping herself in the cold darkness of the section. She glanced around at the books, all purples and blacks.</p><p> </p><p>A crystal ball lay between a few books on the shell and she reached out to touch it. A flash of crimson stained the glass and she quickly retracted her hand.</p><p> </p><p>Maybe she shouldn’t touch anything that wasn’t a book. It seemed like the safer bet. She scanned the spines, looking for a title that interested her.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Dark Wizardry of the Past: A history.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Moste Potente Potions.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Immortality and Unicorn Blood.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>She shuddered. Picking out <em>Immortality and Unicorn Blood </em>and flipping through the chapters, landing on one with a grisly drawing of a unicorn, splayed on the ground, blood dripping from its stomach.</p><p> </p><p>She felt a little sick. Her eyes flicked to the text and before she would stop herself she read a short passage.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Drawing the blood from the unicorn is the toughest part. A very innocent looking animal indeed, but think of all the benefits it can reap. I recommend practicing manipulating blood while you have the corpse of this animal, it’s a good guide, large enough that when you choose to perform a similar spell on a human you will have adequate practice. Make sure to imagine drawing all the blood out of its veins, imagine how enjoyable the screams are of course that too will help with the process. Remember dark magic needs feeling. Bend the blood and watch as the unicorn contorts into all sorts of silly shapes. If you see some bursting under the skin you may just be very powerful in this sort of art, it is unpleasant but gets the job done quicker. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Goodness, was it possible to feel sicker? What type of person did a sort of thing like that to an animal? Or a human? She resisted the urge to throw up, slamming the book closed and shelving it.</p><p> </p><p>She so badly wanted to wash her hands. Her memories of whatever that was. It was disgusting.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Or was it?”</em></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She continued deeper into the depths of the library, brushing her fingers along the spines as she went. Suddenly, Rey felt a familiar sense of presence with her. She stopped in her tracks. Listening for breathing or even voices or footsteps. But there was nothing. Nobody there. Nobody else would dare.</p><p> </p><p>At least not tonight right? It would be too much of a coincidence for someone else to have the same plan.</p><p> </p><p>Well it didn’t matter. If she saw them she would kill them.</p><p> </p><p>What?</p><p> </p><p>She would kill them? She panicked. Kill them?</p><p> </p><p> Rey would never kill anybody. She couldn’t. Not after….well she couldn’t remember what honestly.</p><p> </p><p>But she knew herself. She wasn’t capable of killing someone.</p><p> </p><p><em>“But you are.” </em>A voice in her head answered back, and it sounded exactly like her, and suddenly the thing she had disregarded earlier felt a little bit more real.</p><p> </p><p>“No. No I can’t.” she spoke aloud to the voice, the fear evident in her tone making it rise a few octaves. Rey had never heard a voice in her head that was herself. Maybe she was crazy. It couldn’t be normal.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Yes you can Rey. Don’t worry… I’ll help you.”</em></p><p>
  
</p><p>She almost screamed aloud, but contained herself. “You- you’re lying. I- I would-“</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Hush. You can and you will.” </em>the voice distorted, taking on the cold, snake-like quality of the same one that had haunted her on occasion since she first arrived at Hogwarts.</p><p> </p><p>This wasn't right. It wasn’t her. She felt a part of herself clawing at her subconscious. A brighter part.</p><p> </p><p>“NO!” she yelled.</p><p> </p><p>And if there was someone there they definitely heard her now. Rey’s mind cleared and she realized she hadn’t noticed it was hazy in the first place.</p><p> </p><p>A book slammed closed somewhere near her. She jumped. She needed to hide. Now. or at least scout it out and see who was out there.</p><p> </p><p>Was the disillusionment charm still working? She hoped it was. She couldn’t remember the duration of it. She tiptoed towards the sound and saw that there was an open space past the last bookshelf.</p><p> </p><p>Obscured by shadows she peeked beyond it and saw a velvet bench and standing in front of it. On his feet, wand raised as if on the defensive was a tall boy, whose angular face seemed illuminated in the moonlight.</p><p> </p><p>He almost looked like he belonged there.</p><p> </p><p>Ben Solo.</p><p> </p><p>He was looking around frantically, thorny black wand switching between different locations around him as if looking for the source of the yell. Her yell.</p><p> </p><p>She watched as he glanced down at the book in his hands, gulping before sitting back down on the bench. Eyes still darting around as if he was being hunted.</p><p> </p><p>He opened the book carefully, wand still raised but now his eyes swept across a passage.</p><p> </p><p>What was he reading? She wanted to get a better look.</p><p> </p><p>What book had driven Ben Solo to the restricted section at night, the same time as her? With evidently the same plan.</p><p> </p><p>Was it possible that he could like what he was reading? No. It wasn’t. From what Rey had read there was no way anybody could like what was written in these books. Ben absolutely couldn’t.</p><p> </p><p>She found it hard to read his expressions in the dim lighting, so she couldn’t tell what his reaction to what he was reading was. Which greatly annoyed her.</p><p> </p><p>His eyes were the only thing that ever really gave him away, and yet she couldn’t see them.</p><p> </p><p>The wand dropped in his hand clattering to the floor, and she watched as both his hands took the book.</p><p> </p><p>“I see it.” she heard him say. And she stopped breathing for a second, thinking she was spotted, but he never looked up.</p><p> </p><p>She watched as he drew his fingers down the page and Rey found herself even more intrigued.</p><p> </p><p>“It does look powerful.”</p><p> </p><p>She moved around the bookcase, now in front of him. Right in his line of sight if he were to took up. She was just a few meters away.</p><p> </p><p>Rey crept around him, encircling, to try and see the name of the book from a different angle. She quietened her breaths and dragged her feet on the floor so that there would be no noise.</p><p> </p><p>It was no use. The only way she could truly see was if she were to get closer. Close enough that she would be standing right beside him, and even then, she would need to crouch down to see what was written on the underside of the book.</p><p> </p><p>It was too risky. She backed away, retreating into the bookshelves. But unfortunately, Rey miscalculated where they were and she found herself bumping into it, and in panic she quickly flung her body around the shelf.</p><p> </p><p>She was now standing with her stomach pressed into the books, hoping he couldn’t see her attached like a starfish to the large wooden structure.</p><p> </p><p>Her hand, resting against what felt like a very large book spine moved as she exhaled. And suddenly, it pushed a little too hard, flipping the book over her hand and sending it straight to the ground.</p><p> </p><p>She hadn’t realized that she hadn’t been resting her hand on the spine of the book, but rather the front cover of a book, propped open as if on display.</p><p> </p><p>She drew her hand to her mouth to stifle a gasp, as the book seemed to fall in slow motion.</p><p> </p><p>It fell to the ground with a massive crash, and snapped open. A shriek echoed out into the silence, earsplitting, and she resisted the urge to cover her ears as her attention was drawn over to the slamming of another book, which also let out a scream.</p><p> </p><p>Ben was now on his feet, and he looked utterly ferocious. The lines of his face becoming harder and more terrifying with the shadows meeting the moonlight dancing across.</p><p> </p><p>His wand was pointed right in her direction.</p><p> </p><p>“Petrificus Totalus!”</p><p> </p><p>She dropped to the floor, rolling to the side to avoid whatever spell he had thrown at her. She watched as he shoved the book into a space behind where he had been sitting and watched as he disappeared from her view. She could hear the footsteps rushing away.</p><p> </p><p>Rey screwed her eyes shut, feeling dizzy and almost like she was about to scream herself with the pressure on her brain from the shrieking of the book.</p><p> </p><p>Her hand fell to the ground, smacking around in the space beside her until it landed on what felt like paper. She slammed the book closed, and it continued to scream for a few seconds before quieting.</p><p> </p><p>Disoriented, she pushed herself off the floor and opened her eyes.</p><p> </p><p>Her vision was swimming and she managed to stumble over to the velvet bench were Ben had been sitting, collapsing upon it and checking the books.</p><p> </p><p>She found one that looked like it had been only half shoved back into its space and she pulled it out.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Magick Moste Evile.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>What had Ben been doing looking at that? She was tempted to open it but decided against it. It wasn’t worth it. She had to get out. Now.</p><p> </p><p>Rey shot up, rushing through the various shelves to the front of the library, not looking back even once.</p><p> </p><p>She was never going to do that again.</p><p> </p><p>Rey pushed open the doors of the library in a hurry, and began to half run down the hall. The echo of her footsteps reverberating through the corridor. Or at least that’s what it sounded like to her, she couldn’t tell. Her eardrums were somewhat out of commission.</p><p> </p><p>In front of her two figures came into view at the foot of the stairs and she stopped. She was so tired of hiding now, she just wanted to get to the dorms.</p><p> </p><p>She slowed herself down to a walk, not making any sound. All she had to do was slip past them. But seeing who the figures were made her stop in her tracks. Rey watched the exchange between the two.</p><p> </p><p>“I wasn’t expecting to see you here Professor Pryde” Ben’s voice rang out. She could hear how nervous he was.</p><p> </p><p>“The question is young Solo, why are you out of bed at such an hour?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey felt her skin crawl.</p><p> </p><p>“I-I… Prefect habits. I couldn’t help but feel like I was meant to be patrolling.”</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t children your age prefer more time to themselves?”</p><p> </p><p>“They typically do… but not me Professor.”</p><p> </p><p>She could tell he was trying to play it cool. Sound as if that really was what he thought. It didn’t work on Rey, and apparently not on Pryde either.</p><p> </p><p>“Right. Don’t lie to me boy.” She watched as the Professor took a menacing step towards Ben and she moved forward too, wand out. She wouldn’t hesitate to take him down if he tried anything. “I won’t report you. Take away any sort of house points.”</p><p> </p><p>“You- You won’t?”</p><p> </p><p>“No. But in return, I want to teach you something.” Something sounded so wrong about his tone of voice, and Rey felt like she was on the defensive. What spell should she do? Should she even do anything? That would reveal her to both of them. And Rey could tell this was a matter not meant for anyone’s ears.</p><p> </p><p>“What? You want to teach me something in return for not taking away house points?”</p><p> </p><p>“I do believe that’s what I just said. Follow me.”</p><p> </p><p>She raised her wand, about to fire something, anything when Ben spoke again.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay.”</p><p> </p><p>Okay? He was going to go along with it? Couldn’t he tell that there was something wrong going on? Did he just not care?</p><p> </p><p>The Professor turned around and began to walk back down the hallway, and Ben trailed after him.</p><p> </p><p>Rey moved to follow them, but her eyes caught onto her hand, which had a shimmering substance on it. The disillusionment charm had to be wearing off. She watched as more of it continued to pour off her hand, and Rey bolted for the stairs as quietly as possible.</p><p> </p><p>She had to get back to the dorms before anybody saw her. She just didn’t have it in her to cast another charm.</p><p> </p><p>She would have to find out what happened another day.</p><p> </p><p>In her haste, Rey didn’t notice Ben looking over his shoulder to the place she had been observing their exchange from.</p><p> </p><p>He stood rooted to the spot for a few seconds, looking for somebody, knowing that they had to have been there.</p><p> </p><p>“Come on Solo.”</p><p> </p><p>He turned back to the front, and followed Pryde down into the dungeons.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Childhood Games</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi everyone! Just wanted to let you know I might have to extend the chapter count in this book or even lengthen some chapters to keep within the 30 so that means either longer updates or more chapters. I'll try my best to pick one soon so everyone can have some peace of mind. Anyways, hope you enjoy! We'll be in the christmas setting for one more chapter before we move on so hopefully that's not too annoying considering that it's the middle of April. </p><p>Let me know what you think!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rey pressed her palm against the window, ice cold to the touch.</p><p> </p><p>Silvery-white flakes were falling outside, and it was the first time she had ever seen it. Rey was no stranger to the beating sun and winds so strong that they blew dirt and sand everywhere, she even had more experience with heavy rain which penetrated straight to the bone and created mud everywhere.</p><p> </p><p> But snow was a completely different thing.</p><p> </p><p>Finn had told her that it was gearing up to snow, and she had been excited, but seeing it outside the window of her dorm now…. it was magical.</p><p> </p><p>Already it was piling up on the grounds below, and she wanted nothing more than to go outside and jump straight into it. See just how cold it really was and how it felt on her skin, or even how it tasted (she had always found that rain had a particularly pure yet earthy taste). But she hadn’t bought any things for cold weather with Chewie and didn’t want to ask anybody to borrow some.</p><p> </p><p>“If you stare at it any longer you’re going to turn into one of the gargoyles in the ramparts.” called out Rose from her side of the room.</p><p> </p><p>Rey pulled her eyes away from the glorious view, turning back to her bed to fold some of the rumpled clothes she had left in her drawer a few nights ago.</p><p> </p><p>She flattened them onto the bed, carefully lining up the pieces of fabric with one another before creasing until everything was in a neat square.</p><p> </p><p>The snap of a luggage clasp made her stop her work, as she looked over to where Rose was. The other girl gave her a half smile while sighing.</p><p> </p><p>“Well it’s time. I’ll finally see mom and spend more time with the others.”</p><p> </p><p>She offered her own smile back, “I’m happy for you. You haven’t really talked with the rest of your siblings aside from Paige since you got here, and maybe now you can sort things out with your mom in case anything is wrong.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah I’m excited. Christmas is our favourite time of year, it has to bring us closer together. And you know that I haven’t seen the others since they’re all in a different year and house than me. It’s only Paige who I get to see frequently.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey held her tongue. She had noticed more than just the fact that the siblings hadn’t conversed with Rose or Paige. It seemed like they were avoiding them. Many a times they had turned the corner in the hallway, looked straight at Rose who was standing beside her unaware of her surroundings other than the conversation she was involved in, and then left. But not before glaring at her.</p><p> </p><p>Which made her feel like maybe it was <em>her</em> fault they never wanted to talk to Rose. She knew that they didn’t like her at all, but could family be so petty that they held a grudge against their own siblings for who they conversed with? That didn’t seem like something a real family would do.</p><p> </p><p>But then again, she wouldn’t know.</p><p> </p><p>And Rose was too kind and never thought that they were doing it on purpose, which she understood because it was very clear that her best friend loved them very much.</p><p> </p><p>“Anyways I think I’m gonna go get Paige and we’ll take off after breakfast together.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey simply nodded. She was going to miss Rose and the way she understood her without any questions. In some ways, she grounded her, always offering her best moments of advice and sunshine whenever Rey was feeling down. But thankfully there had been no need for that in the past few months since she had gotten to Hogwarts.</p><p> </p><p>She no longer felt empty and hollow all the time.</p><p> </p><p>The school had taught her a lot already about happiness and friendship. And she reveled in the fact that when she looked in the mirror she no longer saw the same broken expression she had in the mirror at the Leaky Cauldron.</p><p> </p><p>It felt like centuries since she had last been like that, and with the obvious colour in her face it felt like centuries since she had looked like that too.</p><p> </p><p>Although she still had trouble participating in conversation and getting to know people, Rey finally felt like maybe… just maybe… this place was what a home was like. It was miraculous what a new environment and good people could do to you. Because deep down she knew her friends would never hurt her and neither would anybody in this school. Not like she had been hurt before.</p><p> </p><p>So she locked away the memories of all that had been done to her and got on with her life as if she was a new person. And she was indeed one.</p><p>She watched as Rose walked over to her before pulling her into a big hug, and Rey found herself reciprocating very fast. “I’m gonna miss you” said Rose from her position where her chin was tucked into her shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>Rey squeezed back a little, “I’m gonna miss you too.”</p><p> </p><p>They pulled away from each other and smiled. Rey spoke first, “Promise me you’ll write at least once or twice? I wanna hear about everything that happens.”</p><p> </p><p>“Of course!”</p><p> </p><p>“Promise?”</p><p> </p><p>Rose giggled. “I promise Rey.” Then she turned and went back to her bed to grab her luggage, pulling the large case off the bed with both hands.</p><p> </p><p>“Come with me?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey had nothing much to do in the dorm still so she agreed.</p><p> </p><p>And with that Rose was already dragging the luggage half out the door as Rey trailed behind her.</p><p> </p><p>As they walked down the stairs Rey suppressed quite a few laughs at Rose’s huffing and puffing, not dissimilar to the way she had been on their first night at Hogwarts.</p><p> </p><p>Finally, they reached the end and walked forward into the Gryffindor common room which was alight with many students milling around and chatting about the holidays. The room had taken on a very Christmas-y appearance, with holly and mistletoe hanging from the ceiling (which she was sure was put there specifically to embarrass them) and various red Santa hats lying about.</p><p> </p><p>Paige Tico, who was sitting near the fireplace and chatting with some older students turned her to head in their direction and smiling. She watched as the girl said her goodbyes to her fellow comrades and walked over to them, her own luggage in hand.</p><p> </p><p>“I see you’re having a hard time with your luggage case again. This is why you have to start packing lighter like me.” The older girl said.</p><p> </p><p>Rey could almost feel Rose rolling her eyes beside her but she knew that a grin accompanied it. “Well if I packed any lighter then I would be you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hm, touché. You shouldn’t want that.” Paige said, smiling through her voice. The girl then focused her attention elsewhere. “Hi Rey! Going home for the holidays?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey was not going home for the holidays. There was no home to go to.</p><p> </p><p>“No.”</p><p> </p><p>“Aww well that’s a shame, maybe next year. Don’t worry though, Christmas at Hogwarts is just as amazing. Make sure you save some room for the feast.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey felt a little bit awkward, as she usually did while talking with most people who weren’t her friends, so she just nodded, hoping it was a good enough response.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey! I know, we should have Rey come home with us Paige!”</p><p> </p><p>Paige’s smile instantly dropped, and Rey almost saw a bit of a frown for a second. That was how Rey could tell that something was in fact wrong.</p><p> </p><p>Paige reached out to touch her sister’s shoulder. “I’m not sure that’s such a good idea…” she glanced at Rey nervously. “You understand Rey, don’t you?”</p><p> </p><p>“Um… yeah I understand.”</p><p> </p><p>Now she <em>definitely </em>knew something was wrong, and Rey suddenly felt very bad indeed for Rose Tico. Maybe this holiday was not going to be as great as she expected. But she had no right to say that.</p><p> </p><p>She saw Rose shoot a confused look at her sister, before the older Tico began to drag her away, arms linked.</p><p> </p><p>What if she was just overthinking it? And besides Paige’s face had looked like she was nervous about her intervening.</p><p> </p><p>Rey followed, not saying anything.</p><p> </p><p>They walked through the winding corridors of Hogwarts sensing the Christmas atmosphere in the air. Rey had never had a proper Christmas. This would be her first. And she was bloody excited about it.</p><p> </p><p>She pushed down feelings of what had happened with the two sisters moments before and focused on that instead. She could almost taste the puddings that would come out of a such a holiday.</p><p> </p><p>They finally ended up in front of the Great Hall and the two girls grouped their luggage together, leaving it leaning against a wall in the hallway. She watched as the sisters split from each other with a promise to see each other later and Rose returned to her. The two of them walked into the Hall taking in the smells of eggs, ham, and toast along with a variety of other things.</p><p> </p><p>They started towards their usual spot to see it already populated with the bodies of Poe and Finn who were snogging rather aggressively over a full plate of food.</p><p> </p><p>Rose who seemingly hadn’t noticed the very obvious PDA began to speak. “I’m sorry about that Rey. I don’t know why she said no, she would have taken you back with us in a heartbeat usually.”</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t worry about it. Besides I have Finn here with me anyways to spend time with. And.. you have your family.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re my family too.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey stopped in her tracks. Had Rose really just said that to her? That she was - family? Her mind started going at a million miles per minute, the thoughts all not completely registering because she was in shock. <em>Family? </em></p><p> </p><p>The urge to cry was almost too strong and she fought to contain it. Those words had just never been uttered to her before, imagine her- Rey Solana, having a family. Was that even possible? It definitely hadn’t been a year ago.</p><p> </p><p>She snapped out of her thoughts and saw that she had stopped but the other Gryffindor had not. Rey rushed up to her and practically <em>jumped </em>onto the girls back. Entrapping her in a hug so tight she was afraid she was strangling her.</p><p> </p><p>She felt two arms come up and hold onto where her hands were clasped tightly around her chest. “Rey, you’re choking me.”</p><p> </p><p>She let go immediately, feeling somewhat bashful but not at all sorry. She took a shaky breath, trying to will her emotions down into the abyss of calm so she could stop freaking out.</p><p> </p><p>Rose spun around to speak to her face to face. “We are family though Rey.” Her heart almost stopped. There it was! She had said it again! And it made her so happy with glee that she considered shouting it from the rooftops.</p><p> </p><p>It was a sense of fulfillment like no other, and it got her thinking. Maybe… maybe she didn’t need to find her parents? <em>No. </em>The happy feeling shrunk in her chest and was replaced with sadness. She could never stop looking for them, and honestly she was disgusted with herself for even thinking it.</p><p> </p><p>Rose took her hand and led her to the table, but she was still beating herself up internally. Where had a thought like that even come from? She was worthless and nobody wanted her anyways, especially not them… not <em>him</em>. The only people who would accept her for the mess that she was – were her parents. </p><p> </p><p><em>“You’re disgusting…. And alone. You’ll only ever be alone.” </em> Her own voice spoke words of silk in her head, and she found herself believing in them. They were right of course.</p><p> </p><p><em>“Maybe you should leave. Leave and come with me to a better place. She’s lying to you…” </em>Of course. All they would ever do is lie to her. How did she not see it earlier? She was right, it was best to leave and come with… wait. Me? Who was me? How was she supposed to leave and come to herself. It was her own voice in her head. What in the world?</p><p> </p><p>“Get out of my head!” she felt herself scream in retaliation in her mind. But she was barely aware that she was doing so.</p><p> </p><p>She came back to her senses when she felt herself already seated at the table.</p><p> </p><p>Had she continued moving the entire time? It hadn’t felt like that. She felt like she had been suspended in time… or something. She had heard herself mentally screaming back at the voice in her head but it had been as if she was a third person hearing it.</p><p> </p><p>“Peanut, why were you shocked when Rose told you that you’re family? You <em>are </em>family. The four of us are our own little family!”</p><p> </p><p>“What?” she felt disoriented. She heard static for a while before words began to form on their lips again, and this time she heard them clearly.</p><p> </p><p>“Family! We’re family!” said Poe very loudly.</p><p> </p><p>She almost choked on her own tongue. Goodness, now he was saying it too?</p><p> </p><p>“You too Poe?”</p><p> </p><p>“And me!” said Finn somewhat outraged. “In fact, I said it before he did, why did you only acknowledge his?”</p><p> </p><p>She shook her head in confusion. When had he spoken to her? She didn’t remember it at all. In fact, she couldn’t remember anything that had happened after she had thought that… maybe she didn’t need her parents. A sinking feeling put a frown on her face, and she felt a space in her mind that definitely seemed like it should occupy a memory.</p><p> </p><p>When had she sat down at the table?</p><p> </p><p>She frowned even harder, before confusedly asking a question. “Did something weird just happen?”</p><p> </p><p>“Weird?” questioned Rose. “Nothing weird happened, you jumped on me with a hug and then we came and sat down and I told Finn and Poe that you were surprised I called you my family.”</p><p> </p><p>Her eyes widened. When had all that happened? Something was very off. And guilt over her thoughts about her parents ate away at the edges of her conscience.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey, sometimes I wonder if you live in a different world than the rest of us.”</p><p> </p><p>Her mind retreated into the abyss itself of its own accord, calming and soothing until she felt numb enough to start thinking again. She pondered on the thought, entertaining it dangerously for a few seconds. “Maybe I do.”</p><p> </p><p>“Anyways” interjected Rose, “Next time please do not snog each other in front of everybody else at the table.”</p><p> </p><p>“Not my fault my boyfriend is hot” responded Poe, almost immediately.</p><p> </p><p>Rey tried very hard not to roll her eyes, but she couldn’t stop the smile growing on her face. They were so cute together.</p><p> </p><p>“Anyways, Rose, it was for a good reason.” Said Finn.</p><p> </p><p>“What could possibly be the reason to do that in front of everybody” the black-haired girl said, feigning fake disgust.</p><p> </p><p>“Because Poe is going back home on Christmas Eve and not today. So we have one more person to join us Peanut!”</p><p> </p><p>This made her quite happy. Another person to spend Christmas with would be great, at least her and Finn had a little more company before it was just the two of them taking on the chaotic time that was Hogwarts during the holidays together.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s great!”</p><p> </p><p>She tried hard to really feel the emotion as much as she knew she usually would have if not for what had happened just minutes ago. But found herself slightly unable to, as per usual. When things like this happened, she found it even harder to engage than normal, but she tried her best.</p><p> </p><p>Because she really was excited, even if she couldn’t bring herself to fully feel it.</p><p> </p><p>………………</p><p> </p><p>As soon as they finished eating it was time to see Rose off and a somber attitude befell the group. She could feel it in the way the air was tense and charged, thick with solemnity. None of them wanted her to go, even spending a few more days like Poe would be ideal. But unfortunately, she had to go.</p><p> </p><p>As they stood in the hallway she watched Rose bend down to pick up the suitcase and stop midway.</p><p> </p><p>“Let’s take a walk in the snow first. Paige isn’t here anyways.”</p><p> </p><p>A walk in the snow!</p><p> </p><p>Rey was worried, “Wait! But won’t it be cold? Don’t we need hats and gloves and-“</p><p> </p><p>But they all began to laugh. She frowned.</p><p> </p><p>“What’s so funny?”</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t need all of that stuff to go out into the snow.” Chuckled Poe.</p><p> </p><p>She wasn’t so sure. When she lived in Jakku you had to be dressed for the weather all the time just in case. It was never a good idea not to be. Either you got all sandy and dusty and needed to cover your face or needed a raincoat so you wouldn’t be dripping water the entire day.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you sure? I’ve read that you can get hypothermia and then your fingers fall off.” She wiggled her fingers to show them.</p><p> </p><p>“That is not gonna happen. Come on, it’ll only be for a few minutes.” Finn reassured. “You’ve never seen the snow. Are you sure you’re not just scared of it?”</p><p> </p><p>She felt slightly offended. To be afraid of the weather was just ridiculous. Rey wasn’t afraid of much but she thought that was a somewhat silly thing to be scared of.</p><p> </p><p>“Of course not.” She replied nonchalantly.</p><p> </p><p>“Well let’s go then.”</p><p> </p><p>And she noticed Finn had a somewhat devious look on his face which he then shared with his boyfriend. She narrowed her eyes at them. They were planning something…</p><p> </p><p>They opened the large doors in front of them to go into the courtyard and she was surprised to find so many students already walking around there, probably enjoying the new weather. The blast of frigid air hit her and she felt her nose turn cold.</p><p> </p><p>“See! They’ve all got gloves and hats.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s because they were prepared, we’re only staying out here for a few minutes.”</p><p> </p><p>She stepped out into the cold a little bit more, thankful for the heavy robes which protected her from the slight gale that was blowing over the castle. She removed her arms from the sleeves, choosing to use the robes in a cloak-like fashion. It was a good thing she had worn thick stockings in the morning when she felt the castle air turn cold and slightly dry.</p><p> </p><p>The snowflakes falling in the air settled onto her hair and eyelashes and she felt her hair turn slightly damp to the touch when she reached up to feel it. She raised a palm to the sky, delighting in the delicate feel of the flakes that quickly melted in her hand, but she managed to catch one with her finger to study. The different branches and patterns looking dreadfully beautiful. How could one tiny piece of snow be so complex?</p><p> </p><p>They continued through and she felt her shoes sink slightly as the snow compacted under her feet.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s packing snow!” Finn excitedly half-yelled and she watched the grins on her three friends faces.</p><p> </p><p>“Packing snow? You have different kinds of snow?”</p><p> </p><p>“Well of course, we have packing snow, watery snow, flurry, sludge-“</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, okay I get the picture there’s lots of snow.”</p><p> </p><p>How weird.</p><p> </p><p>She walked over to the stone wall at the side of the courtyard where she could look over the side and see the Black Lake. There was snow on the ledge of the wall and she tentatively reached her hand out to touch it. She pressed onto it and felt wetness run down her hand but also saw it harden as it compacted. She scrunched it up in her fingers watching it take shape.</p><p> </p><p>Suddenly she felt something hit her back and turned around only to feel something hit her front. She looked down at her robes which were slightly stained with white powder.</p><p> </p><p>“Did you just throw snow at me?”</p><p> </p><p>She watched them run behind the pillars and hide, hearing Finn call out from behind one of them. “It’s called a snowball!”</p><p> </p><p>She was so going to get them back.</p><p>She grabbed a big chunk of snow from the ledge, narrowly avoiding bumping into a duo of girls who were taking a stroll in front of her. They gave her a few looks as they walked away, but she wasn’t bothered. Instead she slunk over to another pillar.</p><p> </p><p>She saw her three friends look out from their hiding positions.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey where did she go?”</p><p> </p><p>She threw it straight at Rose, hitting her in the shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>Chaos ensued. There was a mad dash to get more snow and suddenly it was being flung everywhere by the four of them and they were laughing and ducking, just avoiding getting hit in the face by massive snowballs. Hers were decidedly more misshapen than the rest and she gradually honed her snowball making ability, crafting it into round balls.</p><p> </p><p>Rey could barely feel the cold anymore, just the frozen way her face was moving, but she didn’t mind. She flung another one at Poe but he ducked last minute and it ended up smacking Violet on the arm.</p><p> </p><p>She grimaced, holding her breath. The girl was surely going to hate her even more now.</p><p> </p><p>But instead Violet did something completely unexpected. She made a dash to a pile of snow in front of her and then there was one more player in the game.</p><p> </p><p>“Snowball fight!” Poe yelled and suddenly everyone was everywhere and snow was being flung in all directions by everybody in the courtyard. Rey took a few bursts to the face, shaking her head to make it fall off and feeling the cold shock of it all, laughing.</p><p> </p><p>And in the whirlwind she caught sight of a tall boy throwing snow at his two friends, whom she had come to understand were named Tai and Hennix, ganging up on him. A genuine smile on his face. The first smile she had seen from him a while. The first time she had seen his face in a while really.</p><p> </p><p>Rey and Ben still hadn’t spoken since he had stormed off and she found herself getting used to it. It had just become natural, but she hadn’t forgotten how nice the few conversations they had initially had at the beginning of the year was. He was a sixth-year and she was a first-year. Their paths generally did not cross anyways, so even if he wanted to stop ignoring her she wouldn’t know.</p><p> </p><p>Admittedly, she had been quite sad at first but it wasn’t like they were friends in the first place. Still, she couldn’t help the slight ache in her heart whenever she saw him. He was a beautiful sight with snowflakes dotting his messy black hair like diamonds.</p><p> </p><p>She could almost hear his laughter from his spot on the opposite end of the courtyard and she felt like moving closer to fully hear it.</p><p> </p><p>She dropped to the ground as multiple snowballs graced the air in her direction all at once, bracing herself on her elbows, and then got up slightly, crouching down low to the footprint strewn snow on the floor.</p><p> </p><p>She half hopped over to behind a pillar, and then fully stood up, obscuring herself from the brunt of the fight. The laughter and yells filled the courtyard and she found herself smiling. This was the purest fun she had experienced in ages, and she loved every minute of it.</p><p> </p><p>Rey ran over to the next pillar, just missing some more snow to the side of her face which would have certainly stung.</p><p> </p><p>Ben was now closer in sight and she watched as he moved backwards being completely bombarded. His head turned slightly and she flipped around to the other side of the pillar to avoid him seeing her. Another snowball smacked into her and her eyebrows furrowed as she looked for the source, unable to find it.</p><p> </p><p>Rey moved even closer, hopping over to another pillar and then she was so near to him that it was only a few steps to get a clear shot. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to do this, but she wanted to make some kind of amends. Nobody could be mad during a snowball fight, could they?</p><p> </p><p>She grabbed some snow, slowly shaping it into a perfect sphere and launched it at him… hitting the back of his head.</p><p> </p><p>Bugger.</p><p> </p><p>She gasped and had half a mind to duck and run away – even pretend that it wasn’t her, but she stood rooted to the spot. His hand found the back of his head, swiping over it to remove a large amount of the white powder. His head turned towards her and she was even more shocked to find the widest grin on his face, made even wider when he looked at her.</p><p> </p><p>He took a few steps closer to her, apparently forgetting about the absolute ambush he was enduring from the others around him.</p><p> </p><p>She was taken in by his amber eyes and Rey found herself unbearably happy at the lack of the expression that she usually found within them. This was just pure unadulterated happiness from him. He looked younger, and certainly more content.</p><p> </p><p>A large snowball straight to her stomach took her out of her stupor and she stumbled backwards. He almost looked worried for a second before he laughed, and she laughed too. He had thrown it at her! She bent down and grabbed at some snow off the ground, flinging it back at him and he laughed some more.</p><p>And goodness how she wanted him to continue doing that forever.</p><p> </p><p>Him smiling and laughing just made her inexplicably content. It felt like something natural, just as natural as his quiet yet comforting personality. And she found that it overshadowed all of his odd bursts of temper or even how sad he looked all the time. It was how he should look all the time.</p><p> </p><p>Rey felt like it was just the two of them now, simply throwing snowballs at each other, and she could have stayed in the moment for hours when a booming voice shook the courtyard.</p><p> </p><p>“What are you all doing? Return inside immediately, and if I see one more snowball being thrown you’ll find yourself scrubbing the tables in the Great Hall after a meal, without magic.”</p><p> </p><p>Professor Holdo had a look of quiet and calculated fury on her face.</p><p> </p><p> Rey certainly didn’t want that punishment; she had seen the horrified look on the house elves’ face when they got to cleaning after dinner and saw the mess that had been made. And they had used magic to clean it all up. Doing it by hand would by infinitely worse.</p><p> </p><p>Everyone quietened and she heard the soft thud of multiple snowballs falling to the ground as student filed back in and she and Ben looked back at each other at the same time again before smiling. Truly smiling at each other. They were both messes, hair all over the place and snowflakes everywhere, noses and cheeks flushed with red.</p><p> </p><p>She found that image of him shining far greater in her mind than any other, and she burnt it into her memory. So that when she thought of him, she thought of Ben Solo standing in front of her smiling without a care in the world with snowflakes like diamonds in his hair, looking regal as ever.</p><p> </p><p>She watched him turn to the sound of his name from his friends, and watched as he nodded at her and then lightly jogged off back to where they were.</p><p> </p><p>Rey stood where she was, and she could swear she could still see him as clear as day as if he were still standing in front of her.</p><p> </p><p>……………</p><p> </p><p>Rose left after the snowball fight with Paige, cold and shivering but excited to go home and they all hugged her as she waved her finally goodbye before departing. She watched the girl fall out of her view before she stopped waving.</p><p> </p><p>Then Poe turned towards her and Finn, whose arm was thrown around her shoulder crushing her to him in a sort of sideways embrace.</p><p> </p><p>“So… Rey you gotta come to my party tonight then.”</p><p> </p><p>She sputtered, completely shocked. “You’re having a party?” a frown found its way onto her face. “How?”</p><p> </p><p>“I am having a party. It’s gonna be in the Slytherin common room I checked it with all the Prefects in our house and they agreed to it… including Solo” he grumbled the last part.</p><p> </p><p>Rey had eventually convinced the three of them to stop being mad at him for what had happened, but Poe still held a little bit of a grudge.  </p><p> </p><p> “A great way to spread holiday cheer. Lots of people are going to be there, so I think we’re probably performing an expansion charm to fit everyone.” </p><p> </p><p>“Usually… first-years aren’t invited. But since I’m the one hosting and there’s no way you’re not coming to your first party or staying in your dorm alone while the rest of us have fun you’re coming too.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey had never been to a party, which was obviously a commonly known fact. But now she didn’t have Rose with her for advice. What was one to wear at a party? How did one act? Who-</p><p> </p><p>“I can see you stressing Peanut. Don’t worry! We’re all just going to wear our robes, it’s easier that way anyways. And we’ll be with you the whole night.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not-“</p><p> </p><p>“Too late you can’t say no” Poe cut her off.</p><p> </p><p>“Well that’s unf-“</p><p> </p><p>“Nope, you’ve been cut off again. Stop being stubborn kid, I’m three years older than you. Technically I’m the authority. “</p><p> </p><p>She pursed her lips in annoyance.</p><p> </p><p>“So tonight at eight then. Sneak out of your dorm and come to the dungeons. I know you know how to do it.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey sighed and nodded in agreement. Guess she was going to her first party.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Potions and Parties</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey everyone! This is a slightly longer one with some cute moments that hopefully make up for such a late update!</p><p>Love you all. Let me know what you think :D</p><p>WARNING: Some unsettling events with animals :( there are evil people everywhere.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She smoothed her robes down, trying to take out any creases and wrinkles, hoping that there were no grass stains from her flying lesson yesterday when she had fallen off her broom.</p><p> </p><p>Rey even brushed her hair obsessively. She was going through the questions all over again. What was she supposed to do at a party? Say at a party? Was it like the books she read, wild and spontaneous with lots of alcohol?</p><p> </p><p>Because if that was a party she couldn’t go to Poe’s. It would bring back too many bad memories which she didn’t want. But maybe it was just an innocent Christmas party, those existed in the novels she read as well.</p><p> </p><p>There was no harm in going to check it out at least right? She could trust that Finn and Poe wouldn’t be doing anything crazy. In that case they wouldn’t have invited her. She reached up towards her hair, twirling a piece of it in her fingers. Should she try something new? Maybe leave her hair out of her three buns for once.</p><p> </p><p>That would be… different. You were supposed to dress up and look different for parties anyways.</p><p> </p><p>Rey pulled on the elastics, letting her chestnut waves tumble down a little past her shoulders. Her hair had grown since she had come to the school and she hadn’t had the opportunity to get a haircut yet, if there even was a place to cut her hair around Hogwarts.</p><p> </p><p>She ruffled the strands slightly, parting it to the right and putting the elastics around her wrist. Leaning a little closer to the mirror she found that she liked how she looked. What would her friends say when they saw her? What would…</p><p> </p><p>Wait.</p><p> </p><p>Poe said that he had cleared it with <em>all</em> the Slytherin Prefects. That would mean Ben too. Would he be at the party?</p><p> </p><p>She found herself playing with her hair even more, trying to put it into a style that would look even better. But Rey didn’t know any. She didn’t even know how to braid her own hair.</p><p> </p><p>After a few more minutes of trying to make it fall even a little bit differently she gave up. It would have to do. Hopefully she looked good, just because she thought she might doesn’t mean that she actually did.</p><p> </p><p>Rey peeked her head around the door of the bathroom looking for the clock on the wall.</p><p>7:55.</p><p> </p><p>Five minutes to go. She took a deep breath and then started on her way to the dungeons.</p><p> </p><p>…….</p><p> </p><p>As Rey approached the dimly lit section of the castle she couldn’t see anybody else. Was she just really late or something?</p><p> </p><p>Honestly she had assumed she might meet at least some people on her way down, but there was nobody in sight. Just the slight sound of the flickering of torches and her footsteps dull on the stone floors.</p><p> </p><p>That was the problem with the dungeons she found, it echoed pretty loudly, which is why she tended to stray from it on her nightly excursions. There always more of a chance of getting caught down here, which is why the Slytherins almost never left their dorms in the night.</p><p> </p><p>She passed through a few hallways, hoping that taking a straight path would allow her to get to where she wanted to go. Rey had honestly never been to the Slytherin common room because it was heavily guarded and generally other houses didn’t like to mingle with them. But she was best friends with a Slytherin so she should have assumed it would be inevitable.</p><p> </p><p>Another step forwards gave way for green fluorescent footprints to appear on the floor in front of her. Appearing one by one as if somebody was walking ahead of her, and beside them in large sprawling script were the words: “This way to the common room”.</p><p> </p><p>It must have been Poe’s idea, since it was his handwriting, which she was grateful for because Rey did not want to be walking around in the cold (and honestly damp) dungeons for the rest of the night. Everything looked differently in the night so even if she did know where she was going she wasn’t sure she would know how to get out.</p><p> </p><p>A marking on the wall beside her alerted her to the fact that this was the Potions class hallway. At the end of it was a wooden door with a knocker of heavy iron. The door was ajar, just enough for her to see a glowing yellow light from within.</p><p> </p><p>Who was in there at this time?</p><p> </p><p>And how had Poe not noticed the glaring fact that if the someone in there was a teacher they could get into a lot of trouble!</p><p> </p><p>She moved slower, trying to make the sound of her footsteps even quieter. Who could possibly be in there? Maybe she was just a little bit curious. It wouldn’t hurt to take a look and see.</p><p> </p><p>She crept towards the door until she was close enough to peer into the crack and she could hear the soft thud of footsteps coming from inside.</p><p> </p><p>A black robe swished around along with a man in a tweed suit that she could immediately pick off as Pryde. The Professor turned around. Of course he would be lurking around in the castle after dark.</p><p> </p><p>The person in the robes moved until they were obscured by the door, so Rey couldn’t make out their face. But Pryde walked around one of the oak tables where there was a cauldron and some ingredients along with a mortar and pestle laid out. She watched as Pryde stirred the contents of the cauldron a few times and a white smoke seemed to simmer off of it.</p><p> </p><p>What was he making?</p><p> </p><p>She couldn’t see the ingredients because he was too far away. Rey held her breath as the teacher opened his mouth to speak.</p><p> </p><p>“Come here. It needs to be exactly the same.”</p><p> </p><p>Something moved in the corner of her eye, and then the figure in the black robes came into her view and she almost gasped. It was Ben.</p><p> </p><p>What was he doing making potions with Pryde at this time? What could they possibly be up to together. Was this what he did last time when the Professor had asked him to follow him too?</p><p> </p><p>She watched as Ben stopped beside Pryde, rolling up the sleeves on his robe and dress shirt until his large and pale forearm was bare. He shivered slightly, likely a reaction to the cold exposure of the air on his skin and she saw a sinister smile overtake the Professor’s face.</p><p> </p><p>Rey felt an urge to burst into the room but it was against her better nature so she stayed put. Trying to avoid the nagging feeling that she had to stop whatever was going on.</p><p> </p><p>A knife glimmered in Professor Pryde’s grasp and she felt like she was in some sort of fever dream as the man dragged it over Ben’s arm, slicing into the tender flesh and drawing a copious amount of blood.</p><p> </p><p>Ben flinched slightly and made a move as if to almost drag his arm back to himself, but the other man grabbed onto the arm pulling it closer to him, turning it sideways so that the river of blood fell onto the workstation in front of him.</p><p> </p><p>The crimson substance dripped, streaming furiously as the Professor held it in place and she could almost see Ben’s face turn slightly white at the loss. What in the world was going on? What sort of Professor was Pryde?</p><p> </p><p>This was wrong. Very wrong. She needed to tell someone. He couldn’t go around hurting students and getting away with it. The man screamed of bad news and evil at this point. How could anybody hurt Ben? And why would he let him do it?</p><p> </p><p>The professor let go of Ben’s arm and he immediately brought it to his chest, cradling it almost.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll heal it after Solo. A little blood loss won’t do you any harm.”</p><p> </p><p>Wouldn’t it though?</p><p> </p><p>Pryde dropped the knife onto the table and began to perform a scooping motion with his hand. She watched as he began to pour what looked like a combination of blood and some other liquid or juice into the cauldron.</p><p> </p><p>“Perfect.”</p><p> </p><p>She recoiled from the door, before moving back to look again. Pryde was now holding his wand in Ben’s direction and the boy warily exposed his arm again. The older man muttered something lowly and she saw the blood begin to reverse its flow, moving backwards into the exposed wound.</p><p> </p><p>Ben was gritting his teeth, and a low growl of pain erupted from him. He grabbed onto his arm tightly and she saw the wound bubble with a black tar-like substance. She could just imagine how the teacher must be knitting his blood vessels back together, and the bubbling began to subside.</p><p> </p><p>Ben shook his arm and she found that she could see only a dark red scar where it must have been closed, no blood in sight.</p><p> </p><p>“You may go now Solo. Thank you… for your assistance.”</p><p> </p><p>“Anytime Professor.”</p><p> </p><p>Anytime? He was willing to go back after that?</p><p> </p><p>“But I was wondering… could I see how it works?”</p><p> </p><p>“Well certainly. I would never deprive a student of a learning experience.” He chuckled darkly.</p><p> </p><p>Rey wasn’t sure she wanted to see this part, and her hair seemed to be thinking the same thing as it fell in front of her eyes. She tossed her head, trying to get it out of her face but it fell into it again, so she reached up and tucked it behind her ears. Seeing Pryde return from somewhere with a squirming rat he was holding by the tail.</p><p> </p><p>Animal cruelty at its finest. She felt a little sick. This was not going to be something nice to watch.</p><p> </p><p>The man ladled a little bit of the potion onto a small plate and placed the rodent beside it.</p><p> </p><p>“Drink up”</p><p> </p><p>The rodent moved closer and bent its head down as she assumed it did as the Professor had asked.</p><p> </p><p>It froze, falling over as if it had been electrocuted.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, that was anti-“</p><p> </p><p>The suddenly the rodent twitched and got back up again, swaying slightly as it tried to scurry away. A few seconds later it froze again and dropped. This continued multiple times as Pryde watched, and Rey felt very upset.</p><p> </p><p>The man was <em>laughing. </em></p><p> </p><p>She looked to Ben’s face which was contorted into a horrified grimace.</p><p> </p><p>“What’s happening to it?”</p><p> </p><p>The professor turned his head towards his pupil, a wide grin on his face. “I believe it’s slipping between states of consciousness, must be very painful.”</p><p> </p><p>“What?” the boy’s words came out as if they were stuck in his throat.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s a torture potion. I’ve never seen one quite like it before.”</p><p> </p><p>The man looked back to the rodent who was now lying on its side once again, not moving.</p><p> </p><p>“Professor I don’t think you should be doing this. You’re hurting it. This isn’t what-“</p><p> </p><p>“You should go now Solo. Go back to your party, they must be wondering where you went.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey stumbled backwards from the door. She wanted so badly to run back to her dorm and never leave.</p><p> </p><p>The blood was rushing to her ears and her head was pounding. Her fight or flight instinct in full gear.</p><p> </p><p>She looked down to the floor where the flowing green footprints were leading her to the party. It was either head there or get lost in the dungeons for the rest of the night. She picked the lesser of two evils, and began to follow the green footsteps.</p><p> </p><p>……</p><p> </p><p>Rey finally came to a door with a Slytherin boy guarding it. She had gotten lost a few times even with the footsteps so it had taken her even longer to get there. It had also given her time to compartmentalize and push the images of what her professor had done to that poor rat. And Ben hadn’t stopped him earlier.</p><p> </p><p>Sure, he might have objected to it later but that wasn’t any excuse.</p><p> </p><p>He was scared, her brain seemed to remind her.</p><p> </p><p>Well that was an excuse. She suddenly felt bad about blaming him. He hadn’t seemed like he wanted to be there - not now - or even when Pryde had made him follow him that time near the library.</p><p> </p><p>She was sure Pryde was planning something and using Ben to carry it out. But what? Rey would have to find out. She wasn’t going to let Ben get dragged into this. He- he was too good for it.</p><p> </p><p>Rey wouldn’t have been able to cope with something like that either, and after she had seen <em>that</em> look from him she knew they were more alike than they were different. She understood him, and she had understood the palpable fear and disgust in waves off of him earlier which she had only seemed to register just now.</p><p> </p><p>She shook her head, trying to rid herself of the thoughts. She had initially wanted to go back to the dorm after seeing the… whatever that was. But now she was feeling like hanging out with her friends and spending some time around people would be the better option. It would do her no good to continuously hide out when things went wrong.</p><p> </p><p>She wouldn’t do what she had when she was at Plutt’s again. She wouldn’t let herself be resigned to her bed feeling empty. So instead Rey smiled up at the boy in front of her who gave her a warm smile back and pushed open the door to the common room.</p><p> </p><p>As she looked in there was no sound being emitted from the room despite what looked like a large group of students talking and dancing while snowflakes fell around the room and holly and mistletoe adorned the walls, the dim lighting of the dungeon serving for an ambient effect.</p><p> </p><p>She stepped through the door into the room and suddenly the music came rushing in to fill the silence at an alarming rate and she could hear the kids cheering and yelling. She couldn’t help but laugh.</p><p> </p><p>The door slammed closed behind her and she moved through the crowd trying to look for her friends, moving between the warm bodies dancing. She pushed through towards the other end of the room, towards the back and saw Poe and Finn with their arms thrown around each other’s necks, swaying to the beat.</p><p> </p><p>They looked so adorable.</p><p> </p><p>She moved closer and Finn noticed her coming towards them shouting her name before pouncing.</p><p> </p><p>She was pulled into a tight hug, and Rey found herself laughing even more while struggling for air, just managing to push a few words out. “I can’t breathe!”</p><p> </p><p>The Hufflepuff boy let go before yelling to try and get his voice over the music. “We were wondering if you were coming. You’re fashionably late!”</p><p> </p><p>“That's a thing?” she yelled back.</p><p> </p><p>“Indeed! Poe get over here” he called over to his boyfriend who sauntered up beside him and pulled her into a hug of his own which was decidedly less crushing.</p><p> </p><p>“Reyyyyy!” the older boy slurred slightly and Rey moved back a tiny bit, a frown taking over her face. But he didn’t notice.</p><p> </p><p>“How do you like it? I got the seventh years to teach me a sound muffling charm, we get to be as loud as we want!”</p><p> </p><p>She nodded backing away a little bit more. Rey didn’t want to be near Poe if he was drunk. Finn caught onto her arm, a confused look on his face before smiling again.</p><p> </p><p>“What’s wrong Peanut?”</p><p> </p><p>She felt a strong push behind her and was pitched forward, lucky that her friends were there to grab her.</p><p> </p><p>She looked up at her friends who seemed giddy with happiness and Rey couldn’t find it in herself to ruin their night by saying it was because she didn’t want to be around them when they were drunk. She should have just gone back to the dorm.</p><p> </p><p>“I think I’m gonna head back, this isn’t really-“</p><p> </p><p>“Nooooooo! You can’t go now. Come on you just got here stay for an hour at least.”</p><p> </p><p>“I think I-“</p><p> </p><p>“Rey!”</p><p> </p><p>She saw the pleading looks on their faces as they jutted out their lips and gave her puppy eyes. Rey couldn’t say no to that.</p><p> </p><p>“Fine.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes!” the two boys cheered. “You can go sit down on one of the chairs if you want and just watch for a while” Poe offered. “I’m gonna take my boyfriend dancing.”</p><p> </p><p>Then, the tan boy dragged Finn into the throng of people, disappearing without a trace.</p><p> </p><p>Well, there was nothing much to do about it. Rey went over to the armchair in the corner of the room facing the party beside the extinguished fireplace. Why had they thought to put out the fireplace, this place was freezing!</p><p> </p><p>She found herself watching as the people continued to party, feeling the smile on her face. It felt nice to be a part of something like this. Even if she wasn't engaging in it.</p><p> </p><p>She found herself watching as a group of girls passed by giggling. Goodness their skirts looked like they had been rolled up by an entire tenfold. She suddenly felt conscious of the fact that every girl in the room had made their skirts shorter, and found herself almost trying to adjust her own before realizing she was being silly.</p><p> </p><p>Rey tapped her foot to the beat and nodded her head as the music continued. She scanned the room and saw a tall boy leaning against the wall looking into the crowd. She assumed he had gotten back here before her or even just now since she hadn’t seen him since the potions room.</p><p> </p><p>He was looking out into the crowd blankly arms folded over his chest, and she could tell he was keeping the recently injured one closer to his body. The colour had returned to his already pale face, and his hair was just as achingly mussed as usual.</p><p> </p><p>She felt a little bit jealous. Why couldn’t her hair be that perfect? She had to get tips from him sometime.</p><p> </p><p>A girl with white hair in intricate braids emerged from the crowd and walked towards him, pulling on his arm with a smile on her face. She watched him purse his lips in fond exasperation as the girl gave him the same look she had received some time ago from Finn and Poe.</p><p> </p><p>He shook his head, a small smile gracing his face and the girl backed away, hands raised in surrender, falling back into the crowd. Rey was watching intently and found a small smile on her face as well.</p><p> </p><p>Even his small smiles made her happy, light even. They sort of lit up the room. He was watching the floor, all signs of the happiness from seconds ago gone, and in its place, something blank. Broken almost. As if he didn’t think he deserved to feel something other than nothing.</p><p> </p><p>Rey felt the urge to run up to him and engulf him in a hug. Tell him that he didn’t have to be so lonely - to look so lonely. She would stay by him as a friend. <em>Always.</em></p><p> </p><p>A surge of some unknown emotion coursed through her and she watched his head dart up. His head moved to scan the room until he found her armchair in the corner by the fireplace. All she could see was surprise, and a sad kind of wonder.</p><p> </p><p>Rey just stared back.</p><p> </p><p>Until something blocked her view of him.</p><p> </p><p>“R- Rey. Um, hi. I don’t know if you know me…”</p><p> </p><p>She looked up for the face of whatever had cut her off from Ben, slightly annoyed, but not unkindly. She didn’t have any idea who it was, so she just waited for him to continue.</p><p> </p><p>He reached up to scratch his head, looking nervous as if he had just been thrown into a den of lions.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m in your year. I have a lot of classes with you actually. You might not know this but-“</p><p> </p><p>He began to ramble on about manticores and Rey gave him an uncomfortable and confused look. Did he come over to talk to her about magical creatures?</p><p> </p><p>The boy stopped.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry I must be boring you.” He stuck out his hand, evidently for her to shake. “Emos. Emos Wortham.”</p><p> </p><p>She reached out to take it.</p><p> </p><p>“I was just w-wondering if you wanted to d-“</p><p> </p><p>“Piss off Wortham. You’re scaring her.” A voice cut him off amusedly, but with some force behind the words.</p><p> </p><p>The boy, Emos, scrambled away after taking one look at who had spoken.</p><p> </p><p>“Can I sit down?” Ben pointed at the study arm on the chair she was sitting on.</p><p> </p><p>“Sure.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s my job to stop any funny business going on with the kids.” He offered, “And you looked seriously uncomfortable.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey laughed. “Maybe just a little bit.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well that’s why I came along. Why is a first-year at a party anyways? You’re not supposed to be out this late.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, Poe invited me.”</p><p> </p><p>He scoffed slightly. “Of course Dameron invited a first-year to a party.”</p><p> </p><p>Now it was Rey’s turn to feel nervous. She could feel her cheeks beginning to warm as the conversation continued.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m assuming this is your first party?”</p><p> </p><p>She nodded, unable to really speak. His proximity to her was making her very nervous, and Rey could feel the warmth emitting off of his robes.</p><p> </p><p>“Why aren’t you dancing then?”</p><p> </p><p>Well now it was time for the awkward truth of it all. Rey looked down at the floor shyly.</p><p> </p><p>She spoke under her breath, as quietly as possible “I don’t know how to dance.”</p><p> </p><p>“Poe or Finn didn’t teach you when you first got here?”</p><p> </p><p>She was shocked. How had he heard what she had said over the loud music. It had taken yelling to get Finn to hear her. But then again, she hadn’t spoken at anything but normal volume since he came over.</p><p> </p><p>“No they didn’t teach me. They’re probably off somewhere snogging.” She said, a little bit of bitterness creeping into her haughty tone.</p><p> </p><p>At that he snorted before launching into a laugh. Then he reached out to extend a hand to her beside him.</p><p> </p><p>“Well I can teach you then kid.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey didn’t really want to. But the way he was looking at her as if he was having fun talking to her… she decided to humour him.</p><p>“Fine.”</p><p> </p><p>She took his hand, immediately feeling how small and child-like it was in his. He got up and dragged her through the crowd to get closer to the source of the music, but still staying on the outskirts.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, now put your arms around my neck.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey reached up – but he was too tall. She stood there on the tips of her toes trying to reach before he stopped her by holding both her arms.</p><p> </p><p>“Let’s try something else then.” He laced his fingers with hers and moved theirs arms up to the gap in between them. “Now we just sway side to side.”</p><p> </p><p>“Sway side to side? Isn’t that a boring?”</p><p> </p><p>He laughed again. “This type of dancing is supposed to be boring Rey.”</p><p> </p><p>“This type?”</p><p> </p><p>It was then that Rey realized a much slower song was playing compared to all the others. She looked at the couples holding each other close and swaying. And there on the other side of the room – was Finn and Poe snogging. Exactly what she thought they would be up to.</p><p> </p><p>Rey rolled her eyes and then paused. She was dancing to a couple’s song with Ben? Her cheeks flushed furiously and he dropped her hands, reaching up to lay a palm on her forehead. He winced as he did so.</p><p> </p><p>She frowned at that. But flushed even more, feeling very stupid indeed. He was making it worse with how hot his hand was.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you have a fever? You look pretty red. We can go to the hospital wing if you want.”</p><p> </p><p>This was embarrassing. Rey didn’t even really know why she felt like she was burning up. It was just happening.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m fine.” She managed.</p><p> </p><p>“I think you should probably go and sit down now. Or even go back to the dorm. You probably caught the flu from one of the other first-years, I told Headmaster Skywalker you all were spreading it like the plague.” He said as if annoyed.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t have the flu.”</p><p> </p><p>“We’re going to the hospital wing anyways.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey did not want to go to the hospital wing. So instead she decided to distract him. She honestly could have thought of anything better, but her brain immediately went to something idiotic.</p><p> </p><p>Rey hugged him, practically jumping on him. He recoiled slightly before freezing, arms by his side.</p><p> </p><p>Then she looked up at him. He was simply blinking.</p><p> </p><p>“You should smile more.”</p><p> </p><p>She grinned at him, and then let go as he stood frozen in place like a statue. She left him there, he same frozen expression on his face as he blinked after her. Then she turned around, pushing between the crowd to get over to where Finn and Poe were (no longer snogging thank goodness).</p><p> </p><p>“I’m gonna head back up to the dorms. “</p><p> </p><p>Finn immediately responded, “Are you sure Peanut? You could stay a little bit longer.”</p><p> </p><p>No, she really couldn’t. Rey had to get out of there before she made more of a fool of herself.</p><p> </p><p>“I think it’s really time for me to go. “</p><p> </p><p>“Well alright.” The boy bent down to sweep her into a friendly hug. He let her go and Poe ruffled her hair, which she had to then pull out of her eyes.</p><p> </p><p>Rey started for the door behind them, slipping out. As she did so the threshold between the doorway and hallway marked the silence. All the music disappeared and Rey was left once again with just the echo of her footsteps.</p><p> </p><p>And the realization that she had probably squeezed his newly healed wound from earlier too hard.</p><p> </p><p>Maybe she had gotten a little bit too carried away in the dream of it all.</p><p> </p><p>……………….</p><p> </p><p>A few days after the party it was nearing Christmas Eve and Rey found herself over the moon with joy. It was going to be such fun!</p><p> </p><p>Already she could smell the freshly baked bread seeping through the hallways as she went down to breakfast. The spread laid out on the table was gorgeous, decorated with blood red cranberries and various sweet sauces on pancakes and sausages. Rey still felt a little bit sick when she looked at too much food, but she found she was able to keep a good amount down now. So she piled on a little bit of everything.</p><p> </p><p>It was going to be a quick breakfast before everyone went out to decorate the massive fir tree that had been brought in from the Forbidden forest. She couldn’t wait to throw tinsel and ornaments all over it until it sparkled. Supposedly, it was one of the most Christmas-y parts of Christmas.</p><p> </p><p>She ate quickly, not bothering to wait for Finn who was the only one left as Poe had left the day after the party. Rey had spent the better part of that entire day helping him move the armchairs back into place and making their common room look a little more normal. The Prefects had been no help at all, saying that Poe had asked them for approval of a party and not clean-up duty.</p><p> </p><p>As she walked out of the Great Hall she bumped into Finn.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey! Did I miss breakfast?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes.”</p><p> </p><p>He groaned. “You’ve got to be kidding me I missed dinner yesterday wrapping gifts for everybody too.”</p><p> </p><p>“Did you at least save me a slice of toast?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey felt a little bit guilty. She had been so caught up in ideas of decorating the tree that she hadn’t thought of getting something to eat.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sor-“</p><p> </p><p>“Nah, it’s fine. I can survive without two meals.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey frowned. She knew that would be highly uncomfortable, but didn’t refute his statement. He didn’t need to know that she had personal experience with that sort of thing.</p><p> </p><p>“Anyways…. I brought you something.”</p><p> </p><p>He brought a soft looking wrapped parcel out from behind his back, extending it out to her.</p><p> </p><p>“Poe asked for me to give it to you today so you could be prepared for Christmas. But it is a Christmas gift.”</p><p>He got her a gift? She felt her eyes well up with tears. Nobody had ever gotten her a gift.</p><p> </p><p>Finn noticed, and he pulled her into a tight hug. “Hey Rey it’s alright. I felt the same way the first time I got a gift. But it’s normal. And you don’t have to give any of us anything back.”</p><p> </p><p>She entangled herself from him to wipe away a few stray tears. She was genuinely touched.</p><p> </p><p>“Come on. Open it!”</p><p> </p><p>Rey didn’t have to be told twice. She grabbed at the paper, tearing it off to reveal a pair of white mittens and a hat. She held it up to her face, dragging her cheek again and feeling the soft material.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s so you can be prepared for the next snowball fights and winter walks in the next few days.”</p><p> </p><p>She was so overwhelmed that she did the only thing she could think of. Rey jumped on him. “I love it!”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m glad Peanut.”</p><p> </p><p>“Time to decorate!” somebody yelled, and suddenly all attention was on the tree. Students, including Rey rushed towards it and the boxes full of ornaments laid out in front of it.</p><p> </p><p>She picked up a small glass star that shimmered and looked back up at the tree.</p><p> </p><p>The entire lower half was almost completely decorated. There was no way she could reach up that high. Her shoulders slumped. It looked like Rey was not going to be decorating a tree today.</p><p> </p><p>“Get on.”</p><p> </p><p>“Get on what?”</p><p> </p><p>“My shoulders.”</p><p> </p><p>“That seems dangerous.”</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe, but you do want to decorate, don’t you?”</p><p> </p><p>She conceded. Rey really did want to decorate.</p><p> </p><p>Ben knelt down, waiting patiently as Rey swung her legs over his head, sitting on his shoulders, fingers tangled in his hair along with the ornament to keep balance.</p><p> </p><p>Then he stood up, and she almost fell off in shock from how weird the experience was.</p><p> </p><p>“Steady there. I can’t guarantee I’m going to be able to catch you.”</p><p> </p><p>She glared down at his head before reaching up to hang the loop onto one of the branches of the fir.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you sure you want to put it there.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey felt a twinge of annoyance. “Well where am I supposed to put it then?”</p><p> </p><p>“You could put it there” he pointed at another spot. “Or there. Or there.” He pointed again.</p><p> </p><p>He was teasing her.</p><p> </p><p>She pulled on his hair in retaliation.</p><p> </p><p>“Ow.” He said, but she could tell it hadn’t been painful at all.</p><p> </p><p>Rey reached up again to put it in the spot she had initially wanted to.</p><p> </p><p>“It looks great Rey.” He said sincerely. She felt the warmth of pride at his words. It did look good. He lowered back down to the ground and she stepped off of him.</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks Ben!”</p><p> </p><p>He looked down at her, smiling fondly. “No problem Rey.”</p><p> </p><p>“Solo!” came a voice from near them, and a boy she could identify as Tai walked over to them.</p><p> </p><p>“Nice of you to help a first-year out.”</p><p> </p><p>He scoffed. “I’m not a bad person Tai.”</p><p> </p><p>“I never said you were.” The boy then looked over at her. “Hi Rey.”</p><p> </p><p>She wasn’t even going to ask how he knew her name.</p><p> </p><p>“Anyways Solo, we’re going to head out as a group into Hogsmede. Wanna come with?”</p><p> </p><p>“Sure. Give me a few seconds.”</p><p> </p><p>The boy nodded before walking off, and then Ben was turning back to her. “Bye Rey. Make sure that you get someone to help you if you want to put another one up.”</p><p> </p><p>She nodded and watched as he walked away.</p><p> </p><p>Suddenly, Rey was feeling up for a little bit of an adventure.</p><p> </p><p>It would be nice to tag along undercover to Hogsmede too wouldn’t it?</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Lycans and Lights</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi everyone! Sorry for the late update. I've been trying to keep it a week at most but sometimes I lose track of time. As we move into the darker aspects of the story beware of the fact that it's gonna continue to get sadder for Ben and Rey. Let me know what you think!</p><p>WARNING: References to implied suicide attempts.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Getting caught was not an option. She would be in a lot of trouble if they found out about the tiny first-year girl who was trailing behind the group with just a basic disillusionment charm to camouflage her. If they really paid attention they would be able to hear the crunch of pine needles and snow under her shoes echoing behind them.</p><p> </p><p>It was a good thing the third years were a rowdy bunch.</p><p> </p><p>She could understand why they weren’t really Finn’s crowd. Or so he told her was his reasoning behind only hanging out with his boyfriend and two first-years as company.</p><p> </p><p>Poe and Finn were back at the castle, having decided to spend some time hanging out and watching a movie instead of joining the rest of the group down at Hogsmede. And Rey had lied to them… she was such a bad friend and she knew it.</p><p> </p><p>But she couldn’t help it if she didn’t always feel like they needed to be included in everything. She liked keeping things to do with Ben to herself. They felt much more personal to her. They wouldn’t understand anyways. Not the full extent of it at least.</p><p> </p><p>In fact, they would probably think it was weird. A first-year constantly feeling like she had to be around a sixth-year. She certainly thought it was weird sometimes.</p><p> </p><p>That’s why they could never really know about her friendship – or lack thereof – with Ben Solo.</p><p> </p><p>She paused for a few minutes for the group in front of her to cover some ground. Rey waited until they were just out of her sight enough that she knew they couldn’t see her and then continued to move forward, ducking between the trees surrounding the mountainous path.</p><p> </p><p>The snow dusting the trees fell on her as she moved, making her hair feel uncomfortably damp again.</p><p> </p><p>As they neared the small village the group eventually stopped and Rey found herself far behind as the cover of the trees began to dissipate and with the, her hiding spot.</p><p> </p><p>The booming voice of Headmaster Skywalker still carried strongly over the breeze.</p><p> </p><p>“Students! I better not catch any of you breaking rules or I’ll be revoking your privileges to visit Hogsmede. That goes for all of you. Do not stay out too late and come back to the castle before food is served in the Great Hall otherwise we will send out a search party for you and I will not be happy.”</p><p> </p><p>He paused for a beat to throw what Rey assumed was a pointed look to intimidate the lot of them.</p><p> </p><p>“Have fun!”</p><p> </p><p>She watched as people began to break off into groups and moved a little bit closer, wary of the fact that the trees were thinning out more rapidly. If she got any closer her footsteps in the snow would be enough to give her away regardless of the charm.</p><p> </p><p>Gradually, there were only a handful of students left and she could easily recognize one as Ben. They assembled in a semi-circle around Headmaster Skywalker before trailing after him as he marched away.</p><p> </p><p>Rey felt more wetness in her hair and drew her hand up to investigate. It came back with a shimmering substance dripping off. Her disillusionment charm was wearing off then it seemed, and not a moment too soon.</p><p> </p><p>She approached the village slowly, looking around often for any signs of other students who might recognize her. The road turned from gravel and pavement to cobblestone easily and Rey felt as if she was back in London with Chewie all those months ago.</p><p> </p><p>The streetlights shone the same, dim and glowing as she moved along. The buildings were similar in a sense. The place filled her with a familiar emotion. One of trepidation and a sort of happiness mixed in with it at that first memory of something <em>more. </em></p><p> </p><p>She was grateful for every day she was away from Plutt. She was just sad that she hadn’t known a life like this earlier. It would have spared her a lot of trouble. There were other people out there that could always help her find her parents, she knew that now.</p><p> </p><p>Rey could have done so much more. She could have run away and been free.</p><p> </p><p>The past always came back to haunt her.</p><p> </p><p>An alleyway came into view and she turned right into it as the wind began to pick up and the snow fell more furiously. A brightly coloured shop with twinkling lights illuminated the area, reflecting off the snow and making everything look magical.</p><p> </p><p>The sign above it read Honeyduke’s and Rey couldn’t resist the urge to go inside. She found herself in the shop and sampling various sweets and cakes before she was fully able to stop herself.</p><p> </p><p>As she was dragged from one sugary delight to the next by a friendly witch, who she assumed was a shopkeeper, Rey found herself truly happy. She also found that she rather liked sweets. More so than the average person at that.</p><p> </p><p>She licked the syrup from the taffy off her fingers and felt her cheeks hurt with the smile she was giving. It hadn’t seemed to stop since she had entered the store. Something pushed in her head, tendrils of something light and airy reaching in her mind.</p><p> </p><p>It continued pushing until she felt it invade her mind completely and she almost felt a little dizzy. Rey swayed slightly, head dropping, before steadying herself, both palms flat on the table in front of her. As she looked back up Rey could swear that standing in the corner of the shop, smiling at her brightly, was Ben Solo himself.</p><p> </p><p>But she blinked and he was gone. How had he even gotten here? If only for a second?</p><p> </p><p>The lightness within her head immediately fell backwards as if it had been pulled from her, and she almost cried out at the intrusion within her brain. What was <em>that</em>?</p><p> </p><p>Had he really been there? He wasn’t now.</p><p> </p><p>Now Rey’s head was spinning all on its own and she felt the need to get some air. It was too stifling being inside now. She stumbled out of the shop into the frigid air.</p><p> </p><p>The snow was swirling around outside like a malevolent storm and she fought to keep her eyes open as she trudged through it. It had grown very dark. Just how long had she been in the shop for?</p><p> </p><p>It seemed beyond losing track of time. It was almost madness.</p><p> </p><p>A solid push to her shoulder was almost enough to send her sprawling back into the snow and she crashed into the wall beside her.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey!” She cried out to seeming nothingness.</p><p> </p><p>Rey watched as a tall figure dressed very familiar in a black cloak continued to move as if they hadn’t just shoved her. They hurried through the snow as if it was barely a hindrance and she wondered how that could be.</p><p> </p><p>“Come.” A voice boomed from the other end of the alleyway, and Rey found her attention pulled to it instantly. She knew that voice.</p><p>Rey put her arm in front of her face to keep the snow out of her eyes and then looked back to where the figure had once been, seeing that there was nobody there. Where could they have gone? The alleyway was long and they couldn’t have gotten that far. But it didn’t matter, because the booming voice called out again and Rey found herself dragging her feet towards it.</p><p> </p><p>She continued down the alleyway, trying to stay strong on both feet and not let the wind knock her back as a group of students passed in front of her on the other side of the road. The snow made it hard to see but she could still distinguish who was speaking over the low whistles around. It was definitely Headmaster Skywalker’s group - and if he saw her she would be in deadly trouble.</p><p> </p><p>But she couldn’t lose them now. Not when they were her only ticket back to the castle in this weather. She needed to stick closer nearby, which is why she moved faster until she reached the beginning of the alleyway.</p><p> </p><p>They seemed to be struggling as she was, the tips wands ablaze with bright lights and arms in front of their faces to shield from the head-on force of the snow.</p><p> </p><p>They were honestly moving even slower than she was.</p><p> </p><p>Suddenly a boy at the back of the group dropped to his knees, bracing himself with his palms flat on the now completely snowed over stones.</p><p> </p><p>Why had he stopped? The wind and snow certainly couldn’t be that strong.</p><p> </p><p>A cracked broken cry erupted from the boy’s mouth.</p><p> </p><p>“H- Headmaster.”</p><p> </p><p>The group continued on and Rey almost yelled out at them to stop before reeling herself in. She wasn’t supposed to be here. She couldn’t say anything.</p><p> </p><p>The boy called out again, this time a little louder but sounding even worse.</p><p> </p><p>“Headmaster.”</p><p> </p><p>Skywalker stopped abruptly in his tracks almost causing Ben who was hot on his trail to crash into his back.</p><p> </p><p>“Unc-“ he coughed. “Headmaster. What are you doing?”</p><p> </p><p>“Quiet Ben.”</p><p> </p><p>Skywalker turned slowly, peeking over shoulders and tops of heads to see what was going on. Evidently he spotted the boy kneeling on the ground, looking absolutely sickly by his movements. The older man immediately rushed to his side dropping on his knees as well and speaking to the boy.</p><p> </p><p>Ben at this point also turned and rushed to the boy, staying a few steps behind where the Headmaster and the boy were kneeling. He ushered the other students back, acting the role of the Prefect perfectly.</p><p> </p><p>It was at that exact moment Rey felt it in her bones. Something was <em>wrong</em>. Oh so <em>wrong. </em>The horrid feeling prickled up her skin and settled an even colder chill in the air. She shivered violently. A dark presence clouded the area, settling down upon all the students watching the scene unfold in front of them.</p><p> </p><p>The moon shone in the sky just enough to make it a sinister glow, and gone was all the safety Rey had ever felt at Hogwarts. Now all she felt was the worst parts… the creature in the lake, her headaches, the Restricted section, the voices…</p><p> </p><p>It was the same feeling magnified by an infinite number. Plutt had been dangerous, scared her horrendously… even scarred her. But this was beyond any human evil - which made it feel even worse. There was no control over this sort of thing, and Rey instantly knew. This was what <em>dark magic</em> felt like.</p><p> </p><p>She never wanted to feel it again.</p><p> </p><p>Headmaster Skywalker was still knelt beside the boy, but he had stopped shaking and quivering like a man possessed. Now he was still. Eerily so, and even Ben took another step back in apprehension. </p><p> </p><p>That was when it started.</p><p> </p><p>The boy’s head shot up at an unnatural speed to look at Skywalker and the man fell backwards, stumbling and scrambling in the snow to get up and away.</p><p> </p><p>“Everybody back away.” The voice was calculated, cold, but held a note of worry.</p><p> </p><p>“Headmaster? What’s going on?” Ben’s voice rang through, just slightly higher than normal. His face was the easiest to read as she had ever seen it, aside from when he was smiling. It was simply full of terror. And Rey couldn’t blame him. She felt it too.</p><p> </p><p>Skywalker was back on his feet, arms out in a protective stance to shield the children behind him. Rey watched as the boy lifted his arms and the robes fell off him, leaving him in a button up, tie, sweatervest. The clothes began to stretch unnaturally and underneath the sleeves of the crisp white shirt Rey could see moving. Hear the cracking. The obvious misalignment of bone.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben.” The boy said.</p><p> </p><p>Ben froze so still Rey thought he was dead.</p><p> </p><p>The boys arm’s stretched and stretched until she could see how thin the flesh had become. It was sickening. She wanted to look away, but couldn’t bring herself to. It was slow and looked painful.</p><p> </p><p>“Headmaster I can help him.” She could hear how Ben’s voice shook as he uttered those words.</p><p> </p><p>“No.”</p><p> </p><p>The button up ripped, exposing a massive ribcage. That was when he started to scream, and Rey’s hands shot up to cover her ears. It was a cry of utter pain… one she knew too well. It cut into her to the core.</p><p> </p><p>But she could still hear it clearly through her fingers.</p><p> </p><p>“Headmaster!” Apparently, she could still hear Ben too. “I can help him! I know what to do!” He sounded frenzied now.</p><p> </p><p>“NO!” shouted Skywalker, and Ben stepped back in hurt.</p><p> </p><p>“I can save him!”</p><p> </p><p>“NO YOU CAN’T. STAY OUT OF IT BEN.”</p><p> </p><p>The headmaster went into a combative stance, wand raised a spell seemingly on his lips as they moved.</p><p> </p><p>The complete ripping of the shirt showed bare skin, changing, and – and growing. Growing fur. The boy’s neck distended as his cries of anguish went on and on in the dark night. He threw his head up to the sky and she heard the grisly cracks as his face reshaped and a snout formed.</p><p> </p><p>Ben lunged forwards, breaking Skywalker’s concentration as the man had to grab him tightly to stop him from moving any closer to the beast. He struggled in the older man’s grasp, elbowing and hitting. Trying to tug himself free.</p><p> </p><p>“Hennix! I can help you. I can save you. Don’t worry.” He sounded desperate. So desperate her heart hurt in her chest, and Rey found it in her to endure. She brought her hands down from her ears, letting them hang at her sides as the cries of a boy changed into growls and eventually howls.</p><p> </p><p>Skywalker kept a tight grip on Ben as he struggled against him, lifting him off the ground as he kicked.</p><p> </p><p>“I know I can- I can help you. You have to believe me! I can save him. I have to save him. I’ll never forgive you for this if you don’t let me. NEVER.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey wasn’t sure which was more heartbreaking. Ben’s or the boy’s cries.</p><p> </p><p>The boy- Hennix – rose to stand, and Rey could see the angle at which his knees were bent. It was horrifying really. A formidable creature rose in the streets of Hogsmede, and she didn’t have to know much to know that this human-wolf creature was dangerous.</p><p> </p><p>The creatures that used to be Hennix bared its teeth, snarling viciously and letting out a shrieking howl at the moon. Students behind them, previously frozen with fear, began to scatter, screaming. </p><p> </p><p>And gone was the composed Headmaster.</p><p> </p><p>Ben kicked even harder if it was possibly. Positively thrashing around. “Stop Ben! You’re making it worse!”</p><p> </p><p>A lunge from the creature coupled with a terrifying snarl was all it took for Skywalker to throw Ben far from him onto the ground and a sickening crunch sounded upon impact. But Ben made no noise. Instead he brought his head up from the snow just in time to see Skywalker shout the words. The terrible words.</p><p> </p><p>“Avada Kedavra!”</p><p> </p><p>“NO!” yelled Ben, voice full of anguish. And the creature collapsed onto the ground, along with Rey as she slid down the wall of the alleyway in shock. Did he- Did the Headmaster kill him?</p><p> </p><p>Her hand flew up to her mouth and Rey felt the tears beginning to sting in her eyes as she bit down on a gloved hand.</p><p> </p><p>She could hear Ben’s sobs as he shook on the ground as it took over his body. He crawled over to the body of the creature, holding his side, where Rey assumed he had broken or fractured something.</p><p> </p><p>He finally reached the body, hands grasping at the furry arm.</p><p> </p><p>Skywalker stood there. Ashen faced and tense. As if he couldn’t quite believe what had just happened.</p><p> </p><p>“I COULD HAVE SAVED HIM.” screamed Ben. Obviously directed to the headmaster. He looked back at the older man, sneering, voice shaking with hatred.</p><p> </p><p>“I hope you burn.”</p><p> </p><p>The Headmaster stepped back, he shook his head as if he couldn’t believe what had just happened.</p><p> </p><p>The older man fled. Ben’s head dropped onto the body of the boy who had once been his friend. As far as Rey knew, Ben only had two true friends. Tai… and Hennix.</p><p> </p><p>She sat there for what felt like forever just watching as the boy with snow in raven hair that sparkled like diamonds cried.</p><p> </p><p>Time moved like molasses and the sky just seemed to get darker, nearing pitch black.</p><p> </p><p>Tai appeared from where the Headmaster had disappeared.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben?”</p><p> </p><p>He didn’t even lift his head, but the shaking and sobbing died down - stopping. Ben’s body fell into a somewhat limp state and Tai walked towards him, head turned to the side to avoid looking at the body before pulling at his robes, trying to get the boy off of the body.</p><p> </p><p>Ben let his friend pull him up, and continue to drag him down the streets at Ben walked backwards not missing a step. He looked broken… and lifeless. The two boys disappeared.</p><p> </p><p>Rey felt like she had just witnessed a dream. A terrible dream. She wanted to wake up. She wanted to wake up so badly.</p><p> </p><p>This was the second death she had witnessed. First Kieran. Now Hennix. She wasn’t meant to see it. Both had been accidents. <em>No. </em>Both had been murders. By careless people. They could have been avoided. Even prevented.</p><p> </p><p>A heavy hand fell on her shoulder and Rey felt a sharp stab of fear about who had found her as she looked up. It was the Headmaster, and he looked furious. She was roughly pulled up hard enough for it to hurt and the man let go to grip at the arm of her robes forcefully.</p><p> </p><p>He didn’t say a word as he dragged her along the path to get back to Hogwarts. Rey didn’t say anything either.</p><p> </p><p>……….</p><p> </p><p>They got back to the castle after a long trek and Rey found herself in the Headmaster’s office not before long. He pushed her down into a chair before going to sit at his. The man’s face betrayed nothing and Rey felt a stab of hatred.</p><p> </p><p>He had killed somebody. Right in front of her. A child. He was a murderer.</p><p> </p><p>A mask of a face betrayed nothing, but the storm of fury and despair in the eyes was enough to remind Rey of a similar way of dealing with things. It reminded her of Ben.</p><p> </p><p>Dear Ben. Who had just lost a friend in the cruelest way, when he had been so determined to save him. Rey believed him. He could have saved him. Which was why she hated Skywalker in this moment.</p><p> </p><p>She glared, crossing her arms. She didn’t have to put up with a lecture or whatever he was going to say to her when he had killed a student. Someone who had a family… friends… people that loved them.</p><p> </p><p>It was unfair. Someone like her deserved it more – a lot more. She had nobody. Nothing. She was nothing.</p><p> </p><p>But that boy he had killed wasn’t.</p><p> </p><p>They sat staring at each other for eternity, neither saying a word. Until the older man broke the silence.</p><p> </p><p>“How much did you see?”</p><p> </p><p>She couldn’t keep the resentment out of her voice. “Enough. I saw enough.”</p><p> </p><p>“So everything?”. The tone was flat as if unsure how to proceed.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes everything.”</p><p> </p><p>The silence prevailed.</p><p> </p><p>She broke it this time.</p><p> </p><p>“You murdered him.”</p><p> </p><p>Skywalker shot up at his desk.</p><p> </p><p>“I murdered nobody. He was going to kill Ben and I. There was no other op-“</p><p> </p><p>“You could have done something earlier. You just stood there and refused to let Ben help.” She wanted to hurt him. Spite him. “What if he really did know how to help? Then you are a murderer.”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Kill him.” </em>Her own voice echoed in her mind. “<em>Draw your knife and kill him. He’s evil. Worse than Plutt.”.</em> Rey found herself reaching for the pocketknife hidden in her boot for no reason at all. Other than the fact that she was telling herself to.</p><p> </p><p>“Miss Solana I tolerate your impertinence to a certain degree but I am your Headmaster. Do NOT try and tell me-“</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Kill-“ </em>the voice was cut off. She returned to her own thoughts.</p><p> </p><p>“I know what I saw Headmaster. I thought Hogwarts was supposed to be safe.” She stood up and bolted from the room.</p><p> </p><p>“MISS SOLANA”</p><p> </p><p>She ignored him, dashing down the corridors to her dorm and collapsing on the bed. The tears streamed down her face as it registered what she had just seen.</p><p> </p><p>Rey tossed fitfully in her sleep. Shallow dreams full of bloody sinew, stretched limbs, and fur glinting in the moonlight.</p><p> </p><p>………</p><p> </p><p>“It’s all my fault. It’s all my fault.” Echoed in her mind.</p><p> </p><p>The red hot anger behind those words were all it took for Rey to find herself awake. She jolted up, all semblance of sleep left behind. She had to find Ben. NOW.</p><p> </p><p>Rey didn’t know why, but it was of the utmost importance. She <em>needed </em>to see him. Know that he was alright. That he was safe.</p><p> </p><p>She bounded down the stairs of the dorm. At this point Rey couldn’t care less if she made as much sound as a mountain troll. She would wake the entire castle just to find him.</p><p> </p><p>She shoved the Fat Lady’s portrait open.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey Solana! You better come back here right now it is way too late for first-years to be up!”</p><p> </p><p>She ignored her and ran down he stairs, almost tripping and rolling down multiple flights of stairs before catching herself. Her footsteps were loud in the hallway and she was sure one of the Prefects were gonna come flying out of nowhere.</p><p> </p><p>Something inside her acted as a homing device as she found herself taking twists and turns down corridors she honestly couldn’t remember seeing before.</p><p> </p><p>The internal homing device stopped as she was about to reach the dungeons, as she felt the change in air to slightly damp.</p><p> </p><p>Rey stopped. Ahead of her was Tai and a girl. The same girl who had tried to get Ben to dance with her at the party – the one whom he had refused.</p><p> </p><p>She felt a certain kind of mean spirited feeling towards her, but wasn’t quite sure why or what it was.</p><p> </p><p>Rey would just have to use the disillusionment charm for the second time in the day. She did so as she continued the brisk walk. For some reason, she couldn’t hear her footsteps this time.</p><p> </p><p>She moved past them, but not before catching a single name in their just above a whisper conversation.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben is resting now.”</p><p> </p><p>Suddenly, she wanted to hear this. She moved close enough to hear better, but not too close so as to not convince them there was a supernatural presence in the hallway with them breathing down their necks.</p><p> </p><p>“How is he feeling though? Really?”</p><p> </p><p>“Hasn’t said a single word since he did it.” Tai’s voice broke. “I found him you know. Earlier with Hennix’s body. And now with all the blood.”</p><p> </p><p>He buried his head in his hands, before dragging them over his face. “I healed him with some of the potions I’ve been concocting in practice.”</p><p> </p><p>Potions? Why would they need to heal him? He had obviously hurt himself when Skywalker had thrown him but blood? She doubted there was blood.</p><p> </p><p>The girl spoke up then. “You can’t be doing things like that Tai. If Holdo or Skywalker catch you… you’ll be out faster than you can blink. Illegal healing isn’t safe.”</p><p> </p><p>“I know it isn’t Voe.” Tai said, exasperated that she wasn’t getting his point. “It doesn’t matter now. All that matters is that he’s fine and he’s sleeping. I gave him a draught.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’d better hope he wakes up then.”</p><p> </p><p>“He will wake up.”</p><p> </p><p>“And what will you do when he wakes up? He tried to-“</p><p> </p><p>“I know what he tried to do. I won’t let him do it again. I can’t do this without him. I- I lost Hennix too. It was the three of us. If Ben goes as well I don’t know what I’ll do.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben would be gone? As in… dead?</p><p> </p><p>“You’ll have me as a friend still.”</p><p> </p><p>“I know Voe but…”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s not the same. I understand.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey felt the colour drain out of her face as she started to understand. Rey was wise beyond her years - sometimes too much she thought. Which is why she was no stranger to hearing of something like this. 

</p>
<p> </p><p> She held back the urge to sob for the second time that night. Goodness, what had Ben done?</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Lies upon lies</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Hi everyone!</p><p>Sorry i've been away, but I have exams coming up i've been studying for. Quite honestly it was hard for me to get through this chapter, i've found a little bit of a lack motivation coming on with this fic and my other one. But i'm gonna try my best to power through so we can get onto the second book and I can finally put everything I want to out there! Anyways, that's the reason it's been taking some time to grind the chapters out but I don't plan on disappearing for an extended period of time anytime soon. I'm not sure whether I should put warnings up on chapters considering i've mentioned possible triggering material in my tags to help out with that but i thought it was better to try it out. Happy reading!</p><p>WARNING: reference to attempted suicide</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The hustle and bustle of Hogwarts was back in high gear as students returned home from their breaks, and just as quickly as the Christmas decorations had been put up they had disappeared. But there was something different in the air. Gone was the playful cheer of the students that usually remained after a glorious break. Instead an atmosphere of mourning had befallen the school.</p><p> </p><p>Black decorations had been put up and Hennix’s parents had come to retrieve his body and give him a proper funeral just a few days later. Only a select few knew what had happened that night and they were sworn to secrecy. Rey was one of them.</p><p> </p><p>She had been approached early the next morning by Headmaster Skywalker again, who had implored her to refrain from letting on what had occurred in Hogsmede, and she had resigned herself to comply. For the sake of Hennix… and for Ben.</p><p> </p><p>Rey hadn’t seen him in weeks since it had happened and she was worried, but she knew why. Ben had done something terrible that night which he needed to recover from. She wasn’t sure he would ever be the same.</p><p> </p><p>Rey surely wouldn’t be.</p><p> </p><p>She didn’t quite know how to process it all really. So she stored it away somewhere in the back of her mind, shoving it deep down so she wouldn’t remember it. So her dreams wouldn’t be haunted by the heartbreaking look on Ben’s face and the twisted image of a boy reaching out for a friend as he changed into a beast.</p><p> </p><p>Finn and Poe were oddly quiet for the next little while. They hadn’t known Hennix well, but they had spoken with him before. The three of them spend little time together for the remainder of the break, choosing to go off and do their own things.</p><p> </p><p>Rey had forced herself into the library, spending days and hours at a time poring over books. Staying away from the ghastly restricted section. It didn’t feel like much of an existence but it was something to do.</p><p> </p><p>The only person that was still missing was Rose. She was coming back home today. A few days later than the rest of the students. She had even missed the welcome back banquet, which truthfully, hadn’t been a banquet at all considering the circumstances. An announcement about a welcome back quidditch game had been expressed but that wasn’t what had intrigued her.</p><p> </p><p>Headmaster Skywalker had stood up from the table with an ashen face that was tired. He looked like he hadn’t slept for days. That had made Rey very happy. He deserved it for not letting Ben help. Rey knew he could have saved him.</p><p> </p><p>Then maybe none of them would be in this position. She didn’t feel like she was putting too much faith in Ben at all. He had known. Skywalker had ignored. And now a student was dead.</p><p> </p><p>She knew she was being slightly too harsh. But she was wishing the same fate on Skywalker as she did on Plutt. They were almost the same in her eyes now.</p><p> </p><p>Rey could not forgive, nor forget. She would do neither when it concerned the headmaster. She honestly didn’t know why she wasn’t running away from Hogwarts. It was no longer the safe haven she had imagined. The imagine of it forever tainted by what she had seen.</p><p> </p><p>But she was sticking around because she didn’t have anywhere to go. And she could never leave her friends now. Now that Rey knew what it was like to have them. To really have them – she couldn’t turn her back on them.</p><p> </p><p>She wouldn't betray them like that. She couldn’t betray them like that.</p><p> </p><p>It was times like this when she used her scars to serve as motivation. Plutt had carved the word alone into her. She refused to let his words be true.</p><p> </p><p>She couldn’t give up everything because Headmaster Skywalker had proved himself to be the opposite of everything she thought.</p><p> </p><p>Rey stood in the courtyard awaiting the arrival of the students who had just gotten off the Hogwarts Express. It was supposed to have reached an hour ago but she assumed they had gotten held up by something. Which was why she was sitting on the bench, shivering in the cold.</p><p> </p><p>Finn had refused to come outside with her because it was way too cold and Poe had said he had some dueling practice he had to attend. So it was just Rey, alone with her thoughts.</p><p> </p><p>How had everything gone so wrong within the course of a single day?</p><p> </p><p>Just before that they had been throwing snowballs at each other and now people barely spoke above a whisper. Usually asking around who had seen what happened and why Headmaster Skywalker looked half dead.</p><p> </p><p>Nobody ever got answers.</p><p> </p><p>Or at least they hadn’t from all the whispers she had heard. Rey was just glad her friends didn’t seem too interested in the events of that night. It was all getting to be too much, she didn’t want to hear it from their mouths as well.</p><p> </p><p>The steady crunch of snow under boots began to get louder as who she assumed were the new arrivals traipsed towards the courtyard.</p><p> </p><p>Students began to file in and she looked around, searching for the familiar smiling face of Rose Tico.</p><p> </p><p>The crowd grew sparser and sparser as grumbling students trundled off to their dorms and she felt her heart sink. Where was Rose?</p><p> </p><p>Did she not want to come back? Had she decided to stay away forever?</p><p> </p><p>She held her breath expectedly. It couldn’t hurt to wait just a little while longer. Rose couldn’t just not come back, could she?</p><p> </p><p>It was only the beginning of the second term.</p><p> </p><p>And so Rey decided to wait.</p><p> </p><p>She waited for twenty minutes, feeling the cold begin to seep into the robes. The snow began to swirl a little more fiercely and she contemplated going back in.</p><p> </p><p>That was when she saw her approaching.</p><p> </p><p>Rey just about tripped over herself running to go meet her friend. It seemed like Rose had the same idea.</p><p> </p><p>The tiny black-haired girl dropped her belongings and sprinted over before tackling Rey in a massive hug.</p><p> </p><p>“I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages!” Rey said. She grasped onto her friend tightly, not wanting to let go. How long had it been since she had truly hugged someone? An all -encompassing hug that told them how much she missed then.</p><p> </p><p>Even Rey was surprising herself. Truthfully, she hadn’t known or thought she felt so strongly about Rose until she saw her coming. Maybe she had missed her more than she thought.</p><p> </p><p>“I missed you Rey! I wish you could have come home with us. Mom was so like herself and she gave Paige and I loads of presents.” she said.</p><p> </p><p>She couldn’t help but feel happy for her friend. So all was right in the end! Her mother didn’t hate her and she was back on talking terms with her siblings. Even if they hadn’t come with her. Why hadn’t they come with her?</p><p> </p><p>She pulled back from the tight embrace. “Rose why didn’t your siblings come back too?”</p><p> </p><p>The girl seemed unphased by the question, as if she was taking it on surface level. But the rest of her family couldn’t have just disappeared.</p><p> </p><p>“Mom decided that she didn’t want them to come back to Hogwarts for some reason.” she spoke as if it was a completely normal decision. “She didn’t really let on why, but she said she couldn’t just let Paige ruin her entire future when she has such a guarantee of getting in with the Ministry of Magic.”</p><p> </p><p>“And she let you come back too?” Rey asked skeptically.</p><p> </p><p>“Of course, she wouldn’t never separate Paige and I! She said since the two of us are so close it doesn’t make sense to separate us when Paige can take such good care of me here.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey opened her mouth to interject because – this was sounding awfully like a plot to get rid of the two of them, but Rose cut her off.  </p><p> </p><p>“Get this! She said you can come back with us for the next break.” she said proudly. “Told me she would love to meet you again and everything.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey definitely didn’t think her mom really meant that statement, but she would never do anything to make her think less of her own mom. So she took it as it was.</p><p> </p><p>Rose grabbed onto her arm and looped it with hers as they began to walk back to the castle.</p><p> </p><p>“Rose! You dropped your bags back here.” came Paige’s voice from far behind them.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh. Oops. I’m coming to get them.” she called back to her sister. “Wait here Rey I’ll get the bags and we can finish walking up together.”</p><p> </p><p>When Rose returned she looped their arms again with such fervor it almost knocked Rey off balance. But she didn’t have enough time to straighten herself as the smaller girl took off bounding towards the castle.</p><p> </p><p>As they practically ran up the stairs – Rose’s obvious excitement at being back clouding everything else around her – Rey couldn’t help but feel like the gang was back together.</p><p> </p><p>For the first time since that night everything felt like it was going back to some sort of normal. Or as normal it could be. It couldn’t last long when Rose found out what had happened.</p><p> </p><p>“My mom promised to send a package over next week and to continue sending packages from home so we can have a little bit of it here with us.” Rose breathlessly hammered out.</p><p> </p><p>Rey as surprised she could even talk with the rate she was running around at.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve been thinking of asking her to” the girl cut herself off as if her brain was going at a thousand miles a minute. “Where are Finn and Poe?”</p><p> </p><p>At least this was something Rey could respond to. “They might be in the Great Hall. The quidditch game should be starting soon.”</p><p> </p><p>“Quidditch!” Rose practically lit up with excitement.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes it's a welcome back game.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey hadn’t really been to any quidditch matches all year. Yes they were mandatory. But she always found some reason to sneak out. It didn’t seem all that interesting when there were places to explore while everyone was away. It was a good thing she hadn’t gotten caught.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey this time you’re coming with us to the game. I won’t hear another word about it so don’t be annoying. You can’t get out of it. This is a welcome back game.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey was quite sure she wanted to skip out on this one most of all. Everyone was still walking around as if Hennix had died just days ago. There was no way they were going to be excited. The welcome back quidditch game was set up to be a massive failure.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t think it’s-“</p><p> </p><p>“Rey I just came back can’t you do it for me? It’ll be so boring if you’re not there. I really want to go but if you’re not going to I won’t go either.”</p><p> </p><p>“But what about Finn and Poe?”</p><p> </p><p>Rose stopped the two of them, and Rey finally had the chance to properly begin walking normally again as opposed to being half dragged around the corridors. She turned to her.</p><p> </p><p>“Finn and Poe aren’t my best friends. You are! You’re the first friend I ever had here.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey was touched.</p><p> </p><p>“So then I guess you’re my best friend too?” Rey questioned. Were they best friends? She didn’t know much about friends let alone best friend.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes! We are and I love you.” she gave her a genuine smile. “Now let’s get to the Great hall so we can all walk over to the game together.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey couldn’t help the smile that spread over her face. She really had missed her.</p><p> </p><p>………….</p><p> </p><p>The game was just as dreary as Rey had been expecting. Scratch that, even more so than she had been expecting. As soon as they sat down there seemed to be a quiet that stretched forever in the place of the usual raucous cheering. The teachers had an air of solemnity around them that felt infinite in its own way.</p><p> </p><p>She was seated in between Rose and Poe who were expressing two very different moods. While Rose was buzzing with excitement, Poe was almost rigid in his seat. And just beside him Rey expected that Finn was doing the same.</p><p> </p><p>The walk to the quidditch arena had been strained. It had seemed like nobody was quite as happy to see each other as they probably should have been. But Rey couldn’t understand the ramrod straightness and tense nature between everyone. In fact, the entire arena seemed to full of all the same.</p><p> </p><p>As the players came out onto the field, Slytherin against Gryffindor she found nobody cheered. Looking at the players from such a height she could still make out a vague semblance of the lack of expression on their faces. First came out Gryffindor, fake smiles plastered, arms waving to try and provoke some kind of reaction.</p><p> </p><p>Next came Slytherin, faces as dour as ever, one after another. She felt her breath hitch when trailing behind them came the tallest boy of them all, towering over the rest of the team. She knew who it was right away.</p><p> </p><p>Was he really fit for this kind of thing right now? After everything he had gone through in these past few weeks was it really alright for him to be playing?</p><p> </p><p>It didn’t seem right to be forcing him into a game in the midst of all the turmoil. She wanted nothing more than to go down there herself and pull him out. But she couldn’t. Not now at least when everyone was on the field and getting in positions.</p><p> </p><p>A feeling of cold beside her let her know that rose was now on her feet, the only one cheering in the entire stadium. She could practically feel the stares coming from left and right. She had been so very wrong, Rey had assumed that she wouldn’t have to let Rose right this minute. It seemed like she had no other option.</p><p> </p><p>She grasped at the other girls robes, monitoring her face. The unabashed cheerfulness on Rose’s face had ceased once she noticed the disturbed looks coming her way and her clapping slowed to a halt.</p><p> </p><p>Rey managed to tug her down into her seat, already dreading the moment that was about to come.</p><p> </p><p>Rose turned to her, face full of confusion and worry. “Rey why is nobody else cheering? Why do they all look so upset. Like- like somebody died?”</p><p> </p><p>Rose really had hit the nail right on the head hadn’t she?</p><p> </p><p>She could feel Poe tense up next to her as Rose cast looks of fear around her at her other two friends whose lack of movement was evident.</p><p> </p><p>Rose turned back to her, eyes wide with fear. “What happened Rey. You have to tell me now, I’m starting to worry.”</p><p> </p><p>There was no easy way to go about it all was there? There never would be anyways. “An upper year student, Hennix, died while you were away.” She almost blurted out the entire story before catching herself, shortening it to the version everyone else knew. “Something happened in Hogsmede.”</p><p> </p><p>The other girls face was one of shock, and Rey was rendered speechless. There wasn’t much she could say past that was there? How could you continue on a sentence after that?</p><p> </p><p>She had never had to deliver bad news like that before, so instead of holding Rose’s stare she turned back to the game. It was now in motion, and players began to whiz by as the game picked up.</p><p> </p><p>The occasional yell coming from the players was the most amount of noise that was being made. Rey expected that students of Hogwarts didn’t take kindly to the loss of their own, and those who didn’t care kept quiet out of respect for the others.</p><p> </p><p>At that exact moment Ben stopped in front of her particular stand, but Rey could see he wasn’t all there. He was staring off far into the distance somewhere, beyond the arena, beyond the Black Lake. Probably beyond everything. He just wasn’t in it all.</p><p> </p><p>Surprisingly a player from Gryffindor stopped beside him, reaching a hand out to place on his shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>Rey could still hear them above the sounds of the quaffle being hit and the whipping of broomsticks through the air.</p><p> </p><p>“Come on Solo. We just need you to catch the snitch, then we can all be done with this.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben continued to look off into space, and Rey found her eyes moving down to his wrists. The slightest bit of white wrapping peaked out from under the black robes, just enough of an indication of what had happened. So she had been right.</p><p> </p><p>Ben Solo had done something terrible to himself. And suddenly she could feel the tears welling up in her eyes. She just wanted to give him a big hug and tell him that it wasn’t all his fault.</p><p> </p><p>The scenes of that had happened that night played over again and she found her mind stuck on the particularly image of Ben sobbing while clutching onto the body of his friend. Neither of them had deserved it.</p><p> </p><p>She could feel the flare of anger towards the Headmaster start to rise, almost as if it was refusing to calm down. But what happened next was enough to make her forget about it.</p><p> </p><p>The Gryffindor player shook Ben gently, and in that instant his face whirled into that of fury.</p><p> </p><p>The first true expression she had seen that was something other than the vacancy on his face. His hands tightened into fists, and she could see him beginning to shake.</p><p> </p><p>His left hand raised slightly from its position on the broom and she almost started praying. <em>Please don’t hit him. Please don’t hit him. Control it. You can do it Ben. </em></p><p>
  
</p><p>And almost instantly as soon as she finished repeating the last sentence in her mind she watched his fist slowly unfurl. He placed his hand back on the broom, and his expression fell into one of shame.</p><p> </p><p>He turned his head to the other direction, at an angle that shielded him from her.</p><p> </p><p>Had he heard her? Had he heard her silent prayer then? No, that was ridiculous. Ben had done it all on his own like she knew he could. He wasn't one to inflict pain on others.</p><p> </p><p>The other player from Gryffindor shook his head, drawing his hand back and zooming off. Her eyes could only stay on him as he turned the broomstick around and threw it into a sharp dive.</p><p> </p><p>She got up off her feet instantly, and everything around her fell away.</p><p> </p><p>He was going to crash wasn’t he? Straight into the ground. What was he doing?</p><p> </p><p>Her heart leapt up to her throat as she scrambled to the edge of the stands as he dropped out of view from even her standing position. Her hands found the railing as she looked over just in time to see him draw up right before hitting the ground. Moving with pure speed towards the entrance of the arena.</p><p> </p><p>“Wait!” she yelled, hoping he could hear her. She was convinced he was going to end up hurting himself. He was being reckless. Completely reckless for no reason, the snitch wasn’t even in sight and-</p><p> </p><p>Oh.</p><p> </p><p>Ben’s hand raised up into the air in a tight first as he made a sharp turn around the curve of the arena. A halfhearted cheer came from his teammates, and a few of them called down to him. He didn’t seem to notice.</p><p> </p><p>Instead he aimed the broomstick in the direction of the entrance to the arena, slowly moving towards it before jumping off of it fluidly, and grabbing it.</p><p> </p><p>He practically stormed out without a second glance at the audience or anything that was going on around him.</p><p> </p><p>She felt herself release the railing, knuckles somewhat burning from holding on way too tight.</p><p> </p><p>A hand on her shoulder and she flinched.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey?” a voice full of question and concern came from behind her.</p><p> </p><p>She turned to be met with a face that only projected what seemed like hurt. No, that wasn’t what she had meant at all. She wasn’t trying to shove off Rose’s concern.</p><p> </p><p>She grabbed Rose’s hand which was at her side, bringing it up between the two of them and shaking it gently. “I’m sorry. I just didn’t realize you were there. You honestly scared me.” She tried to make light of it, but Rose’s face remained slightly sour.</p><p> </p><p>“What was that all about?”</p><p> </p><p>“What was what all about?”</p><p> </p><p>Rose paused, eyes searching her face before continuing slowly. “You know…” she narrowed her eyes. “Running out of your seat to go watch Ben Solo…”</p><p> </p><p>She felt her cheeks warm slightly. “I did not run out of my seat. I was just interested to see what he was doing.” she lied, feeling terrible. All she ever did was lie to them. Especially where he was concerned.</p><p> </p><p>Rose’s expression turned a little angry. “So you weren’t staring at him the entire time he stopped in front of our stand?” the girl dropped her hand from Rey’s grasp.</p><p> </p><p>No, no this was getting a little too confrontational.</p><p> </p><p>Rose stepped forward and Rey stepped back, her back pushing against the hard railing. She tried to move away from it. Rey knew how things like this went.. confrontations. She didn’t want to be in one again.</p><p> </p><p>“I wasn’t staring at him.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes you were.”</p><p> </p><p>She felt her cheeks colour even more, but Rey was honestly just a little bit scared. Rose wouldn’t hurt her. But then so many people who seemed nice had. Was she going to lose a friend all for him?</p><p> </p><p>“I wasn’t!”</p><p> </p><p>“You were! Don’t lie to me Rey. Stop lying.” Rose shook her head in.. disgust? Rey felt ashamed. But she couldn’t help herself. She didn't know why she was lying to her. She had been staring, to make sure he was alright. Because he was her - friend. Because the two of them were friends.</p><p> </p><p>But she and Rose were friends too.</p><p> </p><p>“I wasn’t.”</p><p> </p><p>And again. Another lie. She couldn’t tell them. It felt like something she was supposed to keep a secret. Something between the two of them.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you like him?”</p><p> </p><p>“What?” she said. “Like him? I mean I guess I like him he’s a nice person I’m sure-“ she was rambling to try and draw attention away from it.</p><p> </p><p>“No I mean do you <em>like </em>him.” Rose asked, her tone taking on a somewhat angry and now most definitely confrontational tone.</p><p> </p><p>She didn’t know what to say, her mouth opening to say something and then closing. Did Rey like him? She didn’t know what that was like. Was it why she constantly wanted to help him? To comfort him? No. That couldn’t be it surely. “No.”</p><p> </p><p>Rose’s features softened. “Is he tricking you into something? Or exploiting you in some way?”</p><p> </p><p>What was she asking? Rey glanced behind her, looking through the stands for anyone. But they had all disappeared. Not even Finn and Poe to call on for help.</p><p> </p><p>“No?” she said, completely unsure of what to say.</p><p> </p><p>The other girl’s mouth straightened into a thin line. “You know you can tell me anything right?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey knew that. She wanted so deeply in her heart to do so, but it didn’t feel right. It felt like betrayal. It was all just betrayal, and she was deeply tired of it. “Yes.”</p><p> </p><p>The black haired girl seemed to read that on her voice as her voice softened too. “I know you’re lying to me again. You don't really trust me.” she had a sad look in her eyes. “It’s alright” she sighed. “I know how this friendship works by now. I’ll learn to deal with it.” a small, tired smile accompanied it.</p><p> </p><p>Rey felt even more ashamed. So disappointed in herself. Why was she so adamant on not saying anything? All she had to do was explain they were friends, but it didn’t feel like it either… it felt like… <em>more. </em>Maybe she was selfish for not wanting to let go of that and having it become something that wasn’t just theirs.</p><p> </p><p>She was a foolish little girl. A very foolish one, and she knew that. But still, she didn’t try and stop the other girl when she turned around and left.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Dark Matter</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi everyone!</p><p>I know i've been away for a while but it's exam time so don't expect much from me until after June 8th. But i'll try my best :D I'm proud of this chapter actually, it's been one of my favourites to write aside from the snowball fight one. I guess I have a thing for Ben looking particularly ethereal lol</p><p>Enjoy! And let me know what you think!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>The next few weeks were just as glum as ever. Everywhere around her students started to put their brave faces on again, even enjoy themselves, but the lingering sadness and shock of it all was still there. Rey was having more trouble sleeping than usual, and she found herself waking at all hours of the night sweating, images of knives and claws, fists and fur haunting her.</p><p> </p><p>Above all she could barely bring herself to look at the usually occupied seat at the other end of the Great Hall in the mornings where she found herself alert enough to manage it. All she felt was guilt and sadness.</p><p> </p><p>Rey Solana should <em>never</em> have tried to be friends with somebody who was older than her. But she had done it and she was going to have to live with it. Initially, she had expected Rose to stay mad for a long time, her useless apologies lost on her best friend. But even with her futile attempts at an apology the small raven haired girl had been stubborn.</p><p> </p><p>So she left her alone.</p><p> </p><p>It was better for her anyways, most days she felt sick being around her own friends. Sick with guilt that was. She had spent many sleepless nights pondering over it and coming to the realization that she was just as bad as the little boy who had pushed her down the stairs. A traitor.</p><p> </p><p>She turned around and lied to her friends for no reason, betraying their trust and the faith they put in her friendship. How could she have preached about wanting friends? The very thought of her turning into something she had run away from ate at her.</p><p> </p><p>Even her relationship with Finn and Poe seemed to be breaking down, the familiar group now split into a trio with one extra, only meeting for the occasional lunch or dinner. She still sat with them all, but instead of just being quiet and listening in she found herself completely shut off from the conversation.</p><p> </p><p>She could only expect that Rose had told them why they argued, and Poe who had been neutral, seemed particularly disturbed and annoyed at her presence one day out the blue. It hadn’t stopped.</p><p> </p><p>She couldn’t blame him, or them.</p><p> </p><p>Rey was having a hard time balancing all the conflict within her, but there was nobody to share it with. Nobody to truly understand. Except for one person, who she was resolved to leave alone.</p><p> </p><p>But something came up in the recent days that threw her usual self-loathing to the side, making her main priority her friends again.</p><p> </p><p>That distraction was the incessant crying coming from Rose Tico.</p><p> </p><p>They were in the Great Hall, the trio sitting close together and Rey just a little farther away. Not a glance was spared in her direction, and she tried to push down the hurt, choosing to push around the food on her plate. For the first time in a long time she wasn’t hungry.</p><p> </p><p>The conversation idled beside her and she caught onto tidbits of it as she peered down at the wooden table.  </p><p> </p><p>“I was talking to Voe the other day and she said that there’s something odd going on with the Hogsmede incident” said Poe, voice hushed.</p><p> </p><p>She could almost see them lean in closer to hear what he had to say.</p><p> </p><p>A pause and then he spoke again. “Apparently-“</p><p> </p><p>Rey tried to hear what was going on beside her in the conversation but the whispered voices were cut off by the familiar swoop of wings and screeching coming from the owls dropping off the morning mail.</p><p> </p><p>Various parcels fell into the hands of excited students as the chatter in the room increased and the somber mood became somewhat cheery as it usually did when the packages came.</p><p> </p><p>She looked up, trying to locate if one of the owls would come flying to her. She wasn’t expecting it of course considering the fact that she had nobody who would ever send her gifts. But it was nice to have something to look forward to. The best part about it was that she never felt upset when she didn’t get anything. Rey would just wait until the next time and wonder again.</p><p> </p><p>She watched as Violet received a large broomstick which she assumed was the newest model from the smug look on the girls face. She had no idea why Violet was receiving any model though because based on what she had seen from their flying class the girl could still barely get an inch off of the ground after months.</p><p> </p><p>Rey almost snorted with laughter thinking about it. Not that she was <em>much </em>better. But she could get through a few training rings at least.</p><p> </p><p>And then on her right a huge sob burst out and she instantly looked in its direction. The offending party was in fact Rose, currently sobbing as she watched Finn unwrap what was quite frankly the ugliest sweater she had ever seen.</p><p> </p><p>He held it up in front of himself, twisting it slightly to see the back as he grimaced.</p><p> </p><p>Poe held onto Rose’s hands across the table in a comforting gesture as Finn dropped the sweater as if it was diseased. He bundled it up in the brown paper and shoved it to the side.</p><p> </p><p>“Next time remind me to never accept a gift from your mum. She has the taste of a forty year old cat lady.”</p><p> </p><p>Poe shot him a glare as he looked back at Rose who had pulled away from his grip and was swiping at the tears on her face with her arm.</p><p> </p><p>Rey felt the need to move closer, give her a hug maybe. Anything she could do to stop her crying. But she didn’t even know why the girl was crying, and she couldn’t very well ask her while they were fighting.</p><p> </p><p>She moved a little closer and instantly felt Finn and Poe’s eyes on her before looking away. It was certainly awkward, and Rey didn’t feel welcome. But this was her friend. She deserved a little comfort didn’t she?</p><p> </p><p>But then again, it looked as if none of them really wanted her there so she moved back again slightly, resuming her picking at her food.</p><p> </p><p>The owls had disappeared and suddenly the chatting was back down to a normal volume. Which was why Rey could now hear Rose again.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry I just really thought she would have sent something by now. She promised. She promised Paige and I that she would send a package over last week.” she said, voice full of emotion and slightly nasally from all the crying.</p><p> </p><p>“I thought she loved us.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s heart hurt. Rose’s mom was abandoning her just like her parents had abandoned her. Or rather left her, she didn’t know where they were yet. And she would be finding out on her own <em>without </em>Headmaster Skywalker’s help.</p><p> </p><p>It wasn’t right. How could anybody be so cruel to someone so sweet?</p><p> </p><p>She leaned closer, deciding that it was the right time to apologize maybe. Comfort her maybe. To do anything to get her best friend back, certainly she couldn’t just let her face it all alone. She needed people by her side. And Rey had always suspected something was up with her mom.</p><p> </p><p>They were best friends! And Rey was terrible, but she could change. She could do better and move on and be the friend that Rose deserved. That all of them deserved.</p><p> </p><p>Rose suddenly stood, moving to exit the hall and Rey half moved to do the same when the girl turned to her. Face pale and tear stricken, eyes hard but also somewhat expectant.</p><p> </p><p>She just stood there for a second looking at Rey and then turned and walked away as the Hufflepuff and Slytherin boy moved to do the same on their side of the table.</p><p> </p><p>Rey wanted to follow but she felt rooted in place. And in that moment she realized something. Rose deserved better. In order for them all to be truly happy she had to let them go.</p><p> </p><p>So the next day Rey sat farther away, and a few days after when she heard the tears again she steeled herself and didn’t so much as look in the other girls direction. It was easier this way for all of them. Her heart grew slightly colder, but Rey embraced her loneliness. It was truly all she had after all.</p><p> </p><p>………………..</p><p> </p><p>She was in a large chamber, black tiled with rows upon rows of velvet lined chairs in front of her. They spread out into tiers, reaching up farther and farther to the ceiling. In the center, raised on a platform behind the wooden barricades keeping her in was the largest velvet chair of them all with a desk in front of it. The green light from the desk lamp cast an eerie grow over the tiling. All very Slytherin-esque. The air was cold and cavernous and every time she breathed out she could practically see it crystallizing in front of her.</p><p> </p><p>She shivered, teeth close to chattering as she drew into herself, trying to conserve body heat. Her eyes scanned the room looking for any sort of clues as to where she might be. Beside her a long, drawn out shuddering breath echoed in the room.</p><p> </p><p>She searched it out to find Ben Solo kneeling beside her, bowed over with his head down. His name barely left her frozen lips before his head shot up, locking eyes with her. Confusion spread across his face.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey?” he said, almost as if it were question he didn’t want to be answered. His eyes widened  before a sort of frantic worry settled on his face instead.</p><p> </p><p>He scrambled to his feet, towering over her as he stood, hand reaching out to touch her shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>“What are you doing here? You can’t be-“</p><p> </p><p>Her lips moved to answer his question slowly, feeling like they must be practically blue as her features stayed immobile.</p><p> </p><p>He jerked his hand back, facing suddenly turning to an impenetrable calm before turning to the front of the room. He laced his fingers in front of himself, head bowed again.</p><p>She wanted to ask what he was doing what he meant by why she was there. Why wouldn’t she be there?</p><p> </p><p>And why was he acting so strange? She felt her fingers start to numb as if she had been dunked into ice water while she stared at him inquisitively. His eyes never so much as looked up from the floor back at her to answer anything.</p><p> </p><p>She began to turn to the front herself, just to see what he was bowing to when a cold, damp thing started to claw at her hair, feeling vaguely like the shape a hand, But she could tell there was nothing there, it felt empty.</p><p> </p><p>Her chestnut brown hair tumbled around her head in waves and she could feel the panic rising in her chest. Rey was so cold and frozen she couldn’t even move her head to look at what had done it. But somehow, she managed to turn to the front, looking up at the platform.</p><p> </p><p>“Hello Rey Solana. I’ve been looking forward to this meeting. Benjamin has told me much about you.” A deep, almost reptilian sounding voice slithered into her ears, biting at her earlobes until she thought she could feel blood running down them.</p><p> </p><p>If she could have recoiled and run away she would have, but Rey could barely even twist her features into a look of horror to Convey what she was feeling. Sitting on the large velvet chair at the center of the room was a man. If it could even be called a man.</p><p> </p><p>His face was stretched and gaunt, skin pale and almost falling off of him. His eyes were stained a glittering red and as he smiled she could make out teeth sharpened to almost a point. But that wasn’t the most horrific part, no it was his presence that put her on edge.</p><p> </p><p>It was like a culmination of all the horrid dark things she had felt over the past few months since she had gotten to Hogwarts. She could make out already. It was so, so evil.</p><p> </p><p>She had to get out of there. They both did. Something terrible would happen if they didn’t.</p><p> </p><p>Her feet began to get pins and needles as all feeling within them fell away and her eye twitched as the rest of her facial muscles stayed frozen in a untroubled glass-like fashion. Almost as if she was resting her face, or sleeping. Only her eyes betrayed her.</p><p> </p><p>She tried to look out of her peripheral vision and saw Ben, still with his head bowed. But now she caught the twitch of his hand which was now gloved in leather and the slight quivering of his lip. Was he scared?</p><p> </p><p>She was scared.</p><p> </p><p>How were they going to get out of here?</p><p> </p><p>The entrances were sealed, black tile growing over them and shutting them in the room like a crypt. There was no way they could escape from there… maybe she could try something. But Rey didn’t have her wand on her.</p><p> </p><p>Maybe Ben did. He was still in his robes.</p><p> </p><p>She couldn’t reach it though. Could barely move her arm. How was she supposed to get it?</p><p> </p><p>“It’s alright Rey. I thought you would have joined us sooner. I wasn’t expecting it to take this long.” the man’s words made her wince. Made the thick blood she was sure was on her ear feel even warmer. If she wasn’t sure her tears would turn to ice she would be crying now.</p><p> </p><p>She barely registered his words as she tried to think of a plan. Get Ben’s wand somehow. Get out. Get them both out.</p><p> </p><p>The cold crept up her neck and she wondered whether the hideous man had anything to do with it.</p><p> </p><p>“Who are you?” she asked, voice quieter than a whisper.</p><p> </p><p>His response was instant. As if he had been waiting for it, and he reveled in it. What was left of his bleeding, pallid lips raised into a menacing smirk. “Unimportant. What I would like to know is why you haven’t brought the girl to me sooner young Solo.”</p><p> </p><p>“I didn’t bring her. I don’t know why she’s here.” his voice shook, sounding as if he was as little as her. And she knew that she was hearing more than true fear, it was more like stark terror. “Just let her leave.” he finished, significantly quieter than he started.</p><p> </p><p>“Let her leave? Now that she’s been brought to me? You should know better than that Ben.” the man said, as if he was laughing at a petulant child. “You can’t tell me that you’ve been meaning to deprive me of this meeting.”</p><p> </p><p>“Of course not… master” he said. Head no longer bent, but not looking straight at the man’s face. She didn’t know how, but she could tell.</p><p> </p><p>Rey felt it then, a spark of energy within her fingertips and she wasn’t sure whether it was her racing heart or something beyond her control but she felt something building within them.</p><p> </p><p>Something was going to save them. She was going to save him from this… monster he called his master.</p><p> </p><p>Her fingers itched, the sensation mounting in her arm. Making her once frozen skin thaw.</p><p> </p><p>“Since she brought <em>herself </em>here I’m sure she won’t mind telling me how she did it.”</p><p>Ben started, moving forward in fear, almost stumbling over his words. “She doesn’t know anything master.”</p><p> </p><p>“I see.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s alright Ben. There’s <em>other</em> ways of extracting information. You know that.”</p><p> </p><p>She cringed as she heard his knees hit the floor, watched him bend until his forehead was touching the floor. He was bowing to this man?</p><p> </p><p>“Please don’t hurt her.” Came his voice, no longer shaky completely devoid of emotion. As if he was protecting himself from breaking down.</p><p> </p><p>The man sneered, or attempted what looked like a sneer. “You’re pathetic boy. Get off the ground. Pleading for the life of some mudblood. If you do that in front of me again I’ll kill you.”</p><p> </p><p>She wriggled her fingers, feeling sensation come back into her body. Rey could now move her face. She could definitely fight. Now all she needed was the wand. She felt the electricity sparking up her arm and thought, pleading. <em>Give me Ben’s wand. Give me Ben’s wand. </em></p><p> </p><p>Over and over she chanted it in her mind like an incantation.</p><p> </p><p>“Since you asked so kindly for me not to hurt her. I think maybe you’ll be my candidate for tonight.” the man said, full of dark promise. He couldn’t do that could he? Hurt Ben? Would he hurt her if she couldn’t save him fast enough.</p><p> </p><p><em>Give me Ben’s wand. Please give me Ben’s wand. </em>She felt the tears slipping down her face.</p><p> </p><p>“Keep your eyes open for this girl. I want you to watch every second.” Her neck snapped right upon command. But it didn’t stay paralyzed for long.</p><p> </p><p>His shoulders tensed and his body went ramrod straight, as he steeled himself.</p><p> </p><p>“Alright.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Ben’s wand. Ben Solo’s wand. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>The man raised his wand, and Ben looked up, right at him. Looking like a dark wraith about to stare down his fate. Just as beautiful as the day in the snow, but a different kind of beauty.</p><p> </p><p>The lights flickered in the room, dark matter beginning to fall around them as if pockets of space itself had fallen from the sky.</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Please.</em>
</p><p>Ben’s wand shot out of his pocket and right into Rey’s hand.</p><p> </p><p>And in that precise moment she stepped out from the space she had been locked in, raising his black wand up to be right in line with the man’s eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey.” Ben breathed out, shocked.</p><p> </p><p>The man laughed. A grating sound that filled her ears with the warm liquid. She still didn’t know whether she was bleeding. But it felt like it.</p><p> </p><p>“This one has fire. No wonder you’re so taken with protecting her.”</p><p> </p><p>She heard the words leave her after she had already spoken them. “Avada kedavra.”</p><p> </p><p>The man drew his wand arm up, making a shield and the flickering lights got more unstable. The dark matter swirling more furiously. She didn’t so much as hear a word as he cast the bright shielding charm, the green bolt that had shot out of his wand being absorbed by it and swirling around before dissipating.</p><p> </p><p>She took a step back, heart in her throat. Barely breathing. They were going to die and it was all her fault. She couldn’t save the two of them. The creature in front of them was going to do awful things to her – to him. And then she would never apologize to Rose or Finn or Poe.</p><p> </p><p>She would be lost forever. Another piece of the dark matter that filled the air, and took up most of it. Leaving it stifling and warm. But she wouldn’t be alone at least.</p><p> </p><p>Rey closed her eyes. Waiting for the green bolt to come racing back at her. But it never did.</p><p> </p><p>“What have you done?” Ben asked her, hands gripping her to face him. She could feel the warmth radiating off of him and wanted nothing more than to hug him. Just once. The warm disappeared.</p><p> </p><p>She opened her eyes to look at him but he was already halfway across the room. Looking at her with fear in his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>Suddenly, her arms and legs went rigid binding her themselves together as she was locked into standing up, rigid as a board. The wand dropped from her hand and clattered to the floor. She was turned to face the man again. He looked furious.</p><p> </p><p>She watched as he stalked down from the platform, or rather glided almost until he was right in front of her. He <em>towered </em>over her. More than Ben ever had or she expected he could. He gripped her face, squishing it with his bony oddly freezing hands. She could practically feel the skin sagging off of them onto her face and resisted the urge to gag.</p><p> </p><p>“I want to look upon your face up close as I do this.”</p><p> </p><p>“No!” Ben screamed but this time she couldn’t do anything but look up at the monster in front of her with horribly serpentine features.</p><p> </p><p>She heard robes swishing, cries out to her. Probably from Ben. But the wand around her faded to nothing as she watched him raise his wand up to her temple, the hard point poking into her forehead.</p><p> </p><p>She felt the throbbing begin.</p><p> </p><p>“Crucio.” the man said evilly, pure rage contained behind his singular word.</p><p> </p><p>She screamed as she felt the searing pain rush through her mind. Every single cell in her body wanted to cry out and go into defense mode. The rigid binding on her dropped and she collapsed to the floor, barely registering the pain over the searing heat in her mind. She thrashed about, twitching and crying.</p><p> </p><p>She fell in and out of consciousness, catching bits of conversation happening around her as she did so. Ben’s screams. His crying. His pleading. The man’s laughs and shouting. Him berating somebody.</p><p> </p><p>Rey clutched at her head hitting it, picking it up slightly to throw it against the floor. Making it spin, throb. She felt the blood rushing to her head, trickling down into her eyes. Anything to make it go away. Anything. And then in her mind her own voice rang out. “<em>You asked for it. You asked for it.”</em></p><p>
  
</p><p>She faded away again.</p><p> </p><p>When Rey came to, she found Ben kneeling over her, holding her in his arms. He was sobbing. Tears absolutely soaking her clothes. Over and over he chanted. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>She wanted to tell him it was okay. But it wasn’t okay. Her mind felt <em>violated. </em>Rey didn’t feel like herself. She felt like somebody else. Much older, as if she hadn’t already felt old enough. She just felt done. Her head was still somewhere up in the clouds and her vision swam, numerous images of Ben soaring across her vision in various colours.</p><p> </p><p>He rocked her gently. “She’s just a kid.” he said, seemingly to himself more than to anybody else.</p><p> </p><p>“Pathetic.” the man roared. She felt Ben’s hand swipe her hair back from her face, leaving more warm sticky blood in its path. He was covered in it himself. Her blood.</p><p> </p><p>Her head fell back onto the floor as he disappeared and she wasn’t sure whether it was because she blacked out again or he had genuinely vanished. Her head lulled to the side, cheek against the cool tile and she saw the cracks filling with blood.</p><p> </p><p>She watched as Ben struggled against restraints. People in black masks holding onto his arms as he thrashed. She watched as the man walked over to him and placed a hand on his head. His face went completely calm and steely as he stopped fighting.</p><p> </p><p>He dropped back to the floor, arms still holding onto him. Head bent again as if accepting his fate.</p><p> </p><p>“Crucio.” the word rang out in the room, reverberating along the walls. She couldn’t bring herself to watch as he began to scream.</p><p> </p><p>She turned her head back up to the ceiling, looking at the dark matter which was looking alarmingly like the purple and blue galaxies of space. Stars glinting within it as the entire mass moved through the air like some sort of liquid.</p><p> </p><p>The beautiful glow of deep space was the last thing she saw before closing her eyes again, a rushing within her chest starting. Ben’s tortured screams were the last thing she heard.</p><p> </p><p>…………</p><p> </p><p>Rey awoke with a start, clawing at her chest, gasping for air. She tried to breathe but she couldn’t, surrounded by soft sheets and red velvet drapes. She scratched and scratched, shallow gasping turning into deeper ones as she worked herself up into hyperventilation.</p><p> </p><p>The tears stung in her eyes and she couldn’t think. Her brain felt like it had been put into a blender three times. She found air, just enough to calm herself down just a little bit. She sat up, shaking now as she drew her knees into her chest.</p><p> </p><p>The sound of birds chirping hurt, the soft snores of Rose Tico beside her hurt. Everything hurt.</p><p> </p><p>She couldn’t sleep now. She would never sleep again. Not after that. Not after something so terrifying. She would keep her eyes open for days, hold them open herself just so she wouldn’t have to go through that again.</p><p> </p><p>The snores beside her stopped, and she found herself looking over at the bed beside her before she could stop herself. Rose lay on her side, back towards Rey. Her body was tense, and Rey knew she wasn’t sleeping. She was listening. Hearing.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Count to 10 Rey. You should count to 10. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>The kinder voice in her head that she knew belonged to her and not somebody else who sounded like her reassured her.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>One. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Rose didn’t roll around, didn’t turn over. And Rey found herself waiting to see if she would.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Two. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>The girl’s body still didn’t move.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Three.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Rey wiped her shaking hands over her face, pushing all the water off her cheeks.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Four.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>She touched at her head and her ears, drawing away to find a thick amount of blood on them with no open wound she could find.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Five.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>She wiped at the blood, coating her hands with it. Slowly turning around, still trying to breathe and finding it a bit easier. Blood all over her pillow, she glanced over. No movement. Just tension.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Six. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>She grabbed the pillow, shoving it under the mass of blankets twisted around her and pushed off of the bed. She slid over the edge of it, down to the side away from the other girl. Anything to stop herself from seeing if the raven-haired girl was really going to ignore her.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Seven.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>An alarm burst out and her hands darted out to cover her ears. A mistake as she felt the little cuts all along them. She heard the shuffling of sheets and the creaking of the bed as her only other roommate who actually bothered sleeping in their room rose, rushing to the bathroom. A few seconds later the swishing of robes and closing of the door.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Eight.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Rey looked down to find her shirt soaked with blood as well. She must look like she had been in a massacre. She lifted it up tentatively.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Nine.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>The word scratched into her stomach looked fresh, as if it had been reopened. All jagged with broken skin and small scabs here and there. She felt sick, but there was no pain coming from the new wound. Only from her head.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Ten. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>She lay down, feeling the side of the bed sheets drape over her arm as she did so. And just lay there, eyes closed with her hands over her ears. Resigned not to fall asleep and stay there for the rest of the day. Or as long as she could go before washing everything up.</p><p> </p><p>And somewhere on the other side of the castle Ben Solo woke up too. His throat hoarse from screaming and more tears than he had ever known or thought he would know falling down his face. He shook too. He looked around his dorm room, no roommates in sight. His gaze landed on his dead roommates bed.</p><p> </p><p>He let his head fall back on the pillow mind racing a hundred miles per minute before remembering to do something. He looked over to where his wand lay on the floor, right where she had dropped it and reached his own hand out towards it. Willing it come to him. It did.</p><p> </p><p>He pressed it to his temple, fortifying every single occlumency charm he had ever known and breaking his mental barriers down before building them up again. He lay there for hours doing just that. Ignoring the way his hands shook and his throat was shredded. Ignoring how the blood on his hands and warm on his face wasn’t his own and the flow of it streaming along his arm was. Ignoring how his bedsheets grew wetter and wetter with the crimson red by the minute.</p><p> </p><p>Anything to keep her out. <em>Anything. </em></p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Answers</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi everyone!</p><p>Sorry for the late late update but I decided I wanted this chapter to have some good vibes. Also, I wanted to make something generally light hearted and sweet for a little bit before I really break everyone's hearts with the next few chapters. As you all know this book deals with some dark and very heavy topics so I think it's understandable that our characters aren't going to be able to do some of the major healing necessary. Bear with me until the end of this book because it truly does get worse before it can get any better :(</p><p>P.S I've also upped the rating because of how much potentially triggering and dark material that occurs in this book (I didn't originally intend for it to get this bad!) but their story has never been easy.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She hadn’t been able to sleep properly since that night. Not as if she ever truly slept well before. But Rey knew that something had happened within that dream.</p><p> </p><p>How else was it possible that she had been covered with blood? That her bedsheets had been covered in blood as well.</p><p> </p><p>She would be lying if she said she hadn’t looked out for Ben especially after that. Looked for any signs of wounds on him or even problems. If she thought he was avoiding her or being elusive before it was nothing compared to what was going on now.</p><p> </p><p>The two times she had spotted him he had turned the opposite direction without even looking at her. As if he could sense her presence like she did with him sometimes.</p><p>Rey dearly wished he wasn’t running away from her. She didn’t understand what was going on and with him being an older student and definitely knowing that <em>creature </em>from before she had showed up… all she wanted was some answers</p><p> </p><p>Somebody who would understand or even try to help her. All she wanted was help. She was scared, as scared as any child would be after the pain she had gone through. At least Plutt’s type of pain could be drowned out by trying not to think about it. She would have these scars in her head forever.</p><p> </p><p>Her mind was scrambled and she felt even more lost than ever. How was she supposed to deal with that alone? Without anybody at all. He couldn’t have known that she no longer had any friends, and she wasn’t planning on telling him, but was it bad that she still wanted him to find out.</p><p> </p><p>She could really do with a friend right about now. But nobody would understand except for him. She often got more headaches now. Sometimes even had problems remembering what she was doing or why she was doing it. It made her grades slip in the weeks after the dream had happened but she found that extra hours of studying did it.</p><p> </p><p>If any of the teachers noticed she was off her game they didn’t remark on it. Rey dragged herself to classes day after day sluggishly, like she was moving through a thick amount of water. It even took longer to get herself ready or even wake up in the mornings. Gone was all the energy she might have once had due to her age. Now she felt like an old lady.</p><p> </p><p>Nobody seemed to notice. And if they didn’t then they didn’t care. Same as it had been before she had gotten to Hogwarts. At least something was going back to normal there, she should have expected it.</p><p> </p><p>As she spent weeks trying to piece together bits of her brain and allow her stomach to heal, now scarring off in a horrid brown colour that she hoped would fade over time Rey remembered something. Down in the hut by the Black Lake was a friend.</p><p> </p><p>One she truthfully hadn’t thought of in a long time. Which made her feel enormously guilty, but she had been so caught up in her new life she hadn’t seen or remembered who had brought her here. And so that afternoon she set off after classes in search of the fluffy beast who had been her true first friend.</p><p> </p><p>Rey felt the foggy air cling to her as she maneuvered her way through the grounds. The wet grass didn’t do anything good for her shoes either as they soaked through and got her newly darned socks all wet.</p><p> </p><p>She just hoped that she had managed to do the stitching right. Otherwise she was going to be standing in a puddle of water in her shoes pretty soon.</p><p> </p><p>She found her way to the bottom of the hill near the Forbidden Forest and walked up the steps of the hut. Her hand closed into a fist, poised for the perfect knock when she heard a distinctly male voice come from inside near the door.</p><p> </p><p>Then it suddenly swung open and she was face to face with Ben Solo. Well almost. He was still quite a bit taller than her.</p><p> </p><p>The words “Bye Chewie” died on his lips as he locked eyes with her. Eyes looking on in panic before he turned his head up to the view of the castle above her head.</p><p> </p><p>“Hello Rey.” he said, still choosing not to look at her. She could sense the nerves coming off of him. And he was awfully bad at hiding the slight tremor of his hands as they settled limp as his sides.</p><p> </p><p>“Hello Ben.” she replied.</p><p> </p><p>He nodded before swooping past her and dashing down the steps at a speed much too fast to be seen as anything but a failed attempt at a polite escape.</p><p> </p><p>This was her only chance to get some answers. She couldn’t wait, so Rey chose to call out to him, “Wait! Can we talk please?”. She tried not to sound desperate but it was hard when she could barely collect her thoughts at any given moment and process information at the rate she used to.</p><p> </p><p>He froze. Not even turning back to look at her. “I’m busy.” Ben said quietly before practically running back up the slope and away from her.</p><p> </p><p>Her stomach dropped.</p><p> </p><p>All she ever did was run into him. And it seemed like all he ever did was run away. Was it ever going to change? Maybe one day in the future he would stop running and they could truly be friends. But she doubted it. Rey was losing her definition of the meaning of friends all over again.</p><p> </p><p>At this point she was thinking she should just name everybody an acquaintance.</p><p> </p><p>She turned back to the door. Ready to knock again when it swung open again and this time Chewbacca stood on the other side as tall and fluffy as ever. Rey almost fell over in shock and excitement at seeing him again.</p><p> </p><p>He simply collected her up in his arms and carried her inside before dropping her in a chair. She looked around. It wasn’t a very large space but was very home-y. A roaring fireplace with a cauldron stood across from her and a table and a few chairs was near them. The place was littered with various knickknacks.</p><p> </p><p>When she was done having her look around she saw Chewie fiddling with something near the table.</p><p> </p><p>“Why does Ben call you Chewie as well?” she asked, feeling a little bit jealous for no reason at all. “I thought I made that name up.”</p><p> </p><p>He turned around and gave her a little roar that conveyed the fact that he was probably unhappy with her but she waved it off.</p><p> </p><p>She stood up to go fiddle with some jars filled with weird looking herbs and slimy thing. “What do you do in here?”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>This is my home on the grounds.” </em>the big Wookie said. “<em>I do most of my work in the Forbidden Forest. Keeping the animals happy and away from the school. Finding the dangerous ones especially.”</em></p><p>
  
</p><p>“That sounds fun.” mused Rey. She was genuinely interested in what he was doing. She had always wondered what went on in the Forbidden Forest. And why first years weren’t allowed in there.</p><p> </p><p>Chewie seemed to catch onto what she was thinking. “<em>You’re not to go in there until you’re old enough Little Rey. It’s much too dangerous for tiny humans.” </em></p><p> </p><p>She feigned innocence. “I wasn’t thinking about it at all.” She lifted one of the more silvery looking jars to her nose, taking a sniff. A sudden roar of warning almost made her drop it as she moved it away from her face as fast as possible. “What is it?”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>You don’t want to know Little Rey.”</em></p><p>
  
</p><p>She quickly dropped the jar back into its place as Chewie started moving towards the door with a belt slung crossbody.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey! Where are you going?” she asked, just as he was about to exit.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>It’s time for work now. Tomorrow is a better day for you to visit.”</em></p><p>
  
</p><p><em>“</em>But you let Ben visit you.”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Young Solo came to visit BEFORE I had work. I told him to leave as well. I don’t like it when he puts himself into danger.”</em></p><p>
  
</p><p>That made her curious. “But he’s always putting himself in danger.”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>No need for any more then. I’ll be off now.”</em></p><p>
  
</p><p>“Wait!” she sputtered. “Can’t I come with you?”</p><p> </p><p>Chewie turned around looking at her with wide eyes. “<em>It’s not safe for little girls.”</em></p><p>
  
</p><p>“But I’ll be with you! That means I’ll be fine. Nothing can happen to me if you’re there right?”</p><p> </p><p>Chewie left and she ran after him. Goodness, she wished she was taller so she could be as fast as him.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll go in there anyways without you if you don’t let me come!” she yelled after him, still chasing the large beast towards the edge of the dark forest.</p><p> </p><p>An annoyed roar cut through the sounds of nature. “<em>Fine. Come on Little Rey.”</em></p><p>
  
</p><p>“Yes!”</p><p> </p><p>Now she was excited. They were going to have quite the adventure weren’t they? It was something to take her mind off of things at least.</p><p> </p><p>She traipsed along beside him as they began to enter the dark forest. It looked sinister from the outside, but she couldn’t have felt safer with Chewie near her.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Now for rules. Stay by me. Don’t touch anything. Let me know if anything looks weird.”</em></p><p>
  
</p><p>“Noted.” she rallied her courage. It shouldn’t be too hard. All she had to do was stay close and look out for anything strange. Oh, and keep her hands off of anything. That was easy enough.</p><p> </p><p>She kept reciting the rules as they got deeper and deeper in. They got jumbled a few times as she tried to sort them out, but inside she was just itching to run her hands along the tree trunks and explore the darkness that seemed to get thicker the more they walked.</p><p> </p><p>Finally, Rey decided that she needed something to take her mind of everything.</p><p> </p><p>“Does Ben come visit you a lot?”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Young Solo comes to visit me more than you.” </em>he said defensively.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey!” she exclaimed, feeling equal parts guilty and outraged. “Things got a little chaotic at school.”</p><p> </p><p>A little was the biggest understatement of the century. Getting her mind rummaged around in, getting injured, seeing students die, getting caught up in the oddity that was Ben Solo, and losing her friends was more than just <em>a little chaotic. </em></p><p> </p><p>But somehow deep in the forest with someone who she knew had too big of a heart to leave her and she would continue to help her out regardless of whatever she did eased her pain. Here was the big cuddly creature who had saved her from Plutt and changed her life forever. Because she was no longer going to give Headmaster Skywalker that honorary distinction.</p><p> </p><p>As she thought about it the more she forgot about everything that was wrong and was able to reorganize the ideas in her head well enough to block out everything but what made her happy. Exploring this huge forest after being trapped in the same house and school for years made her <em>very </em>happy.</p><p> </p><p>“What do you and Ben talk about when he comes to visit?” she wondered, hoping that he would say something about recent events and if Ben had said anything about her.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Prying isn’t polite.”</em></p><p>
  
</p><p>Rey snorted. “I wasn’t aware turning away rare house guests was polite either.”</p><p> </p><p>Chewie let out something suspiciously close to a grumble but she smiled all the same.</p><p> </p><p>“Are we going anything in particular? If not then can you tell me a little bit about the different plants and things?”</p><p> </p><p>Ignoring her first question, Chewie launched into a whole spiel about wolfsbane and various ivy’s and creatures that could be found in the forest. Honestly Rey could only understand bits and pieces here and there. It wasn’t like she was fluent in Shyriiwook but she made out enough to gain a curious interest in unicorns.</p><p>
  
</p><p>She thought back to the book she had picked up that night in the Library. It had been grisly and disturbing, but she found herself thinking on it a lot. The title was Unicorns and Immortality if her scrambled memory was serving at all.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you know anything about unicorn blood?”</p><p> </p><p>The Wookie let out disgruntled sound as if he was deeply uncomfortable with this subject. It was understandable, but she still wanted to know.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Unicorn blood will allow you to live even if you are seconds away from death but at a terrible price. Because a unicorn is so pure the price you have to pay is a great one. All you can live after that is a cursed life.”</em></p><p>
  
</p><p>She shivered.<em>“</em>So it’s not safe then. I’ll make sure to remember that.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey looked around some more and spotted something moving in the trees. It seemed oddly familiar with its dark silhouette. “Chewie I know that thing…” she said, trailing off as she did so.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Ignore it. We’re not there yet-“</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>She didn’t wait to heed his warning as she bounded off towards the shaking in the branches. All she could think about was that she had seen something like it before. It didn’t move as she got closer and she could hear the heavy footsteps of the Wookie behind her but she couldn’t hear anything else but the soft snorts the creature in front of her was making.</p><p> </p><p>She rushed into a dark clearing looking around for what she had seen. But there was nothing there. As if it had vanished into thin air. Here, in this part of the forest it felt like there was no space to even part for light within, soft mist trailing along the ground. Large furry arms closed around her and lifted her up.</p><p> </p><p>“No! I’m sure I’ve seen it before.” she said, struggling against the firm grasp.</p><p> </p><p>Suddenly, as if it had emerged from the product of mist itself came a skeletal black winged creature with eyes of white and short horns protruding from its head. It had the body of a horse if it had been starved within an inch of its life and its skin looked leathery and hard.</p><p> </p><p>Chewie stopped holding her so tightly and she dropped out of his grasp onto the forest floor. Rey immediately got up and moved towards it as the creature did the same. The name stayed on the tip of her tongue, just nestled within her mind. All she had to do was piece together a few thoughts to remember.</p><p> </p><p>It bowed its head slightly as she got closer as if beckoning her closer to touch it. Which she did. She reached her hands out and ran gentle strokes along the side of its hollow and bony face. “Chewie it’s a… an….” she desperately reached for the word.</p><p> </p><p>She had seen it the first night she had come to Hogwarts. But Rose hadn’t. And Chewie hadn’t told her why she could see it but Rose couldn't. The beast bent even lower to become level with her face and bowed it once again. Rey couldn’t help it. She put her forehead against its own and held its face.</p><p> </p><p>A puff of warm air tickled her neck.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s a thestral” she breathed out. Finally she had found the word. She sincerely hoped that her memory could serve her as well as it once had again.</p><p> </p><p>Chewie let out a sad moan behind her.</p><p> </p><p>“You never told me what they were when I asked. I only found out the name when I overheard some upper years talking about them…. How they couldn’t see them.”</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“It’s not important why they couldn’t see them.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>“It is to me.” she said. How was it that only a few people were able to see such majestic creatures.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>It’s not a tale for little girls.”</em></p><p>
  
</p><p>“I’m not that little.” she answered, managing a smile as the thestral gave her another warm puff of air. This time on her cheek as it moved its head up. She walked around it to examine it better before turning back to Chewie and stating firmly, “I can handle it.”</p><p> </p><p>He gave her what she assumed was a doubtful look before answering her question. “<em>Only those who understand death or have reached a maturity others haven’t.”</em></p><p>
  
</p><p><em>“</em>Oh.” she didn’t know what to say. Rey did understand death. She knew it all too well. Somehow she couldn’t bring herself to regret it if it meant meeting such a magnificent creature. And that was when she knew her romp around the woods, thinking about no consequences, being lighthearted and free… was at its end.</p><p> </p><p>She gave the thestral one last pat.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>I was taking you to see a special creature Rey. Maybe if we move quickly we can still see it.” </em></p><p> </p><p>She managed a half fake smile. She didn’t have the energy to see anything more. All she wanted to do was go back to the castle and fall in her bed and not get up until the next morning.</p><p> </p><p>“Can you take me-“ she was cut off by a piercing sound echoing through the trees. The thestral reared up on its legs, shuffling around as if distressed. Its wings began to shake and flutter. It looked like it was getting ready to run. The howl of a wolf.</p><p> </p><p>Chewie ran towards her, not afraid about startling the thestral even more who seemed positively distraught. “<em>You have to run.”</em></p><p>
  
</p><p>She felt a cold feeling in her bones. A wolf howl. Just like the one she had heard on that night in Hogsmede. Suddenly her legs locked together and she was paralyzed with fear. Unable to move.</p><p> </p><p>Her muddled brain flashed with images and she began to cry. The flash of fur and blood. A bright green light. It was the stuff of her nightmares. Wolf or werewolf. She was deathly afraid.</p><p> </p><p>Rey didn’t even register when Chewie picked her up and put her on the back of the starting thestral. As he told her to hold on tight and she did so, hugging its leathery body.</p><p> </p><p>She didn't even register as he let out a ferocious roar and told her to run as fast as she could while he stayed behind. While he assured her he would be fine. She just stayed with her eyes screwed shut, leaving the world behind her.</p><p> </p><p>Rey only truly came to when she was on the back of the magnificent black beast as it raced through the forest. The wind whipped her hair and her skin prickled. It was as if she could hear the wolf chasing her, following her. The thestral gained speed, getting faster and faster as it spread its wings.</p><p> </p><p>She couldn’t bring herself to open her eyes to check if they had left the ground or were just going so fast that it felt like it. More howls chorused together and she squeezed onto the body of the creature even harder too scared to be mindful of hurting it.</p><p> </p><p>It seemed like forever until they finally decreased speed and Rey found the courage to open her eyes. They were just outside the entrance of Hogwarts, up the hill. She shook horribly all the way down from her fingers to her toes. She shakily patted around her pockets to check for her wand. The familiar hilt met her hand within her robes and she breathed a sigh of relief.</p><p> </p><p>Rey slid off of the beast carefully, eyes almost unblinking. She gave it an absentminded stroke as she stumbled towards the doors of the castle. “Thank you.” she muttered quietly more to herself than the creature it seemed. A soft snort came back to let her know it had heard.</p><p> </p><p>And then the soft beating of wings against the dusky sky.</p><p> </p><p>She didn’t so much as glance around her in a state of shock as moments seemed to lose their value. Time seemed to skip as she got up to her dorm and collapsed on her bed. It was only then that Rey allowed herself to cry.</p><p> </p><p>The tapping of an owl at her window made her slide out of bed. In its talons was a note. She opened the glass window and took it from its little claws. Inside was a horribly scrawled note that said “Stay safe Little Rey.” in what seemed like a best attempt at English.</p><p> </p><p>She breathed a sigh of relief. At least Chewie was alright.</p><p> </p><p>She tumbled back into bed. Nothing went right for her nowadays. Not even a few minutes. So instead of crying for her past and present, Rey cried for her future. Seemingly as bleak and dangerous as ever and wondering how she was ever going to get through it.</p><p> </p><p>Rey Solana needed immense strength. An immense amount of strength to make it through her first-year of Hogwarts. It seemed as if she had none left.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Tension</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello everyone!</p><p>Late update again :( I've been a bit sick for the past two weeks so thus the lateness. I've also been feeling pretty unsatisfied and annoyed with my own writing. Character interactions and dialogue seem to be especially hard for me for some reason and all the amazing writers on here have got me feeling like i'm definitely not doing the story and what i'm trying to convey enough justice for you all. For that reason i'm very sorry and wanted to let you know i'm trying to do better! That includes trying a few writing styles (not sure if you noticed) and possibly editing this story once it's done. I'm not going to give up yet though. </p><p>Love you all and appreciate that you're still reading. Let me know your thoughts too :D</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was easier to get used to the silence again after sitting in it for so long. She knew what was waiting for her when she woke up in the morning and went to sleep every night: homework and classes.</p><p> </p><p>She had a large batch of tests fast approaching and she was determined to prove that she was more than capable. Anything she could do to show that she was grateful for the opportunity to even attend the school, regardless of the fact that the environment had its own sense of toxicity.</p><p> </p><p>“Cast a simple levitation charm. I’m expecting each of you to do it quickly and effectively.” Professor Holdo said as she paced up and down the room.</p><p> </p><p>Rey flushed with anxiety and she caught the eye of the Professor who gave her a small reassuring smile as she finished her speech. “You’ve got this Rey.” she told her herself.</p><p> </p><p>A voice snickered from behind her, Violet again, “She even talks to herself.”</p><p> </p><p>“You can still do this Rey.”</p><p> </p><p>“God does she ever stop trying to be a perfect princess? I can do the all the same charms as her but better.”</p><p> </p><p>She tried her hardest to ignore it, but she was approaching the end of a short fuse.  The fact that she had to keep internally reminding herself of the spell name every few seconds was not helping.</p><p> </p><p>Violet snorted, “She probably chased away all her friends with how annoying her muttering is. No wonder Rose started hanging out with us during classes instead.”</p><p> </p><p>That was it. Hearing about her ex-best friend, her own doing entirely she still admitted, suddenly running to Violet’s group still felt like a stab wound to her heart.</p><p> </p><p>Rey whirled around, wand raised up at the girl’s face to give her the hexing of a lifetime when she caught sight of Rose’s face. Not even laughing with the rest of them. Just looking miserable.</p><p> </p><p>Somehow she couldn’t bring herself to do it. Not looking straight at her anyways. So instead she turned back around, suddenly very focused on the ink pot in front of her. She clenched her fists, clutching onto the wand with such pressure she thought it was sure to break in two. The word emerged from the depths of her mind amidst all the chaos and unruliness, clear as ever.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Colovaria</em>” Rey said in her head, imagining the ugliest shade of green possible.</p><p> </p><p>The shriek that rang out behind her followed by peals of laughter was enough for her to know her plan worked. If she listened closely enough she thought she could even hear Rose laughing a little bit.</p><p>Rey looked up from the ink pot on the desk to admire her work. Watching as Violet clutched her hair in fright. Spun gold had turned into a dirty looking olive green. She repressed the urge to laugh as Proessor Holdo clapped her hands. “Attention class! Attention!”</p><p> </p><p>The laughter died down and Violet called out to the Professor. “But what about my hair? It looks ghastly. You have to fix it.”</p><p> </p><p>She almost thought that the Professor looked like she wanted to roll her eyes, but instead a wand was raised into the air and the same incantation echoed through the room, “Colovaria.”</p><p> </p><p>Olive washed into gold once again and her momentary revenge was forgotten. Just as it would be in the next few days when gossip about it was put to rest.</p><p> </p><p>“Now that one of you had had your fun let’s continue with the test.” Rey could have sworn that she got a side-eye from her teacher at the “you”. “Everyone raise the inkpots in front of you. Those who don’t do it at least five times before the end of class today receive an F.”</p><p> </p><p>Everyone was silent as brows started scrunching and wands pointed downwards at the small, yet heavy black pots. It was in this same silence that Rey felt the most calm, just like she had been all those times in her room at Plutt’s.</p><p> </p><p>It was the kind of silence that was comfortable. That promised protection. She breathed it in and flicked her wand at the pot. “Levicorpus.”</p><p> </p><p>It raised itself off the desk immediately, just a few inches off the desk. She used her wand as a director for where she wanted it to go, moving it back and forth. High up and setting it back down on the desk. Not a single drop spilt out.</p><p> </p><p>She smelt the familiar scent of flowers and mist over her and looked up to see the Professor looming over her. “Good job Miss Solana.”</p><p> </p><p>It didn’t take long to do that four more times before the Professor clapped her hands again and signaled that the class was over.</p><p> </p><p>One down, just a few more to go.</p><p> </p><p>…………………</p><p> </p><p>According to the fifth years, Professor Renorum had brought in a Boggart again for their final test. For the first time Rey was scared of her Defense Against the Dark Arts class.</p><p> </p><p>The previous few times she had gotten a form of Plutt, who thankfully had only spit at her and kept it to a few swear words rather than the truly hurtful stuff. But things had changed.</p><p> </p><p>Suddenly she wasn’t sure whether it would still be Plutt. The past few months had given her a lot to fear, and the last time she had a face-off with one of those creatures had been at the beginning of the year.</p><p> </p><p>She doubted that the time would be kind to her in any sort of way. And she was right.</p><p> </p><p>As Rey approached the wooden door of the DADA classroom she noticed the large cluster that was their class standing outside, whispering to each other. She tapped one of the boys on the shoulder, trying to ignore the look of disgust he gave her as he answered. “Renorum’s having people go in one at a time. First one just went in.”</p><p> </p><p>The door in front of them clicked shut and out came the Professor. Standing there as if waiting for something. One of the boys piped up, “Did you leave Lawnry in there?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes. It is essential for you to learn how to defeat these creatures without me being there to save you.”</p><p> </p><p>“But what if he dies?” someone cried out in fear.</p><p> </p><p>“He’s not going to die. I don’t expect any of you to die in there.” answered the professor tartly. “And before any of you get any ideas, I’ve charmed him so he can’t say a single word about what he saw in there. What happens stays between you and the Boggart.”</p><p> </p><p>Two knocks against the door quieted all the whispers and the Professor opened the door in a large swooping motion. A short boy walked out sluggishly, looking worse for the wear.</p><p> </p><p>“There are you are Mister Sanedal.” the Professor said curtly, as if annoyed by the child. Lawnry didn’t even look up at him, instead the boy trudged past as if weights had been fastened on his feet. He looked like he had seen the deep pits of hell.</p><p> </p><p>She just knew it couldn’t be simply a Boggart that made him do that. She kept worrying about it as more and more students disappeared into the room and came out looking ghastly sick or immensely tired. What could be awaiting her behind that wooden door?</p><p> </p><p>It was when Rose came out puffy eyed and sobbing that she knew it was especially bad. Never before had Rose cried at seeing a Boggart. Rey recalled what she had once said to her, “I know in my mind that they’re just pudgy little goblin looking things, so I’ve never been scared anytime I’ve seen one. What’s there to be scared about when you realize that they’re just pretending about their entire appearance?”</p><p> </p><p>She wished she had that kind of strength. It had taken a while for her to gain that sort of mentality about them too, but if it had broken her then she couldn’t imagine what it was going to be like.</p><p> </p><p>Rey contemplated sneaking away. Faking she was sick and going to the Hospital wing. But putting off this test wasn’t going to make it go away. She had once missed a DADA class due to forgetting to wake up and the Professor had hunted her down and forced her to make-up for what she had missed that very same day, long into the night. Or had she been sneaking around the castle that night?</p><p> </p><p>A sharp rap against the door brought forth another student and she knew it was her turn before she heard her name called. Tentatively, she walked through the doorway and into the familiar classroom.</p><p> </p><p>The door clicked shut behind her and everything around her seemed to be like white noise because Rey knew why everyone looked so distraught.</p><p> </p><p>Standing at the other end of the room were <em>three</em> Boggarts. It only took the blink of an eye for the first one to change, then the second, then the third. And it took even less time for everything Rose had told her and everything she had built up as a skin against these creatures to disintegrate.</p><p> </p><p>A boy screaming as he transformed into a werewolf, the creature from the nightmare where her brain had been scrambled, and Ben Solo stood there. It seemed like every time she thought nothing could get more terrifying things did.</p><p> </p><p>Rey couldn’t do anything but run to the door and furiously pull on the handle to make it stop. She gripped onto the handle and pulled like there was nothing else to live for. She banged on the door until she was sure her hands were bruised and skin was split.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re not allowed to come out until you defeat the Boggart. Tick tock Miss Solana, the longer you take the lower your grade becomes.”</p><p> </p><p>The grades didn’t matter at all when there were the products of her worst nightmares back in flesh and blood in front of her. She almost wanted to hurt her teacher for even thinking three Boggarts would be a little bit of a good idea.</p><p> </p><p>If she even managed to leave the room that was. Rey screwed her eyes shut, unable to look at them at all. She could hear them just fine and that was bad enough.</p><p> </p><p>“Open your eyes girl. See what dear Ben has to go through for you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Help me.”</p><p> </p><p>“You mean nothing to me. You never have and never will. You’re nothing more than a stupid kid Rey.”</p><p> </p><p>The other two filled her with fear, but the third voice practically made her heart break. She fell to the ground clutching onto it. She couldn’t even cry. Couldn’t move. Rey lay on the floor, back against the door, eyes widening as the voices continued to swirl around her, getting closer and closer.</p><p> </p><p>“HELP ME!”</p><p> </p><p>It was so full of malice. “You’re just some stupid kid that thinks we’re friends or something. I wouldn’t waste my time on you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Do you want to hear him scream again?”</p><p> </p><p>It was almost like she had been struck by Petrificus Totalus. She could barely process all of their words with how her vision was swimming.</p><p> </p><p>Ben and the creature appeared right in front of her. A blood curdling shriek came from behind them and she caught a glimpse of skin stretching on bone. Cries and shrieks for help faded into gurgles, which then turned into a full blown wolf howl.</p><p> </p><p>She couldn’t close her eyes anymore. Why couldn’t she close her eyes?</p><p> </p><p>“Pathetic.”</p><p> </p><p>“Are you prepared to die for him child?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben dropped to his knees in front of the creature, facing her. The creature raised its wand up to his brain and he stared at her, eyes empty and cold. A third figure came up from behind them and suddenly Plutt was there with the same glinting knife he had used the first time to cut her with.</p><p> </p><p>For the first time his Boggart seemed just as menacing as the real thing. She fought back the urge to cry. Where had the comfortable silence from Charms gone?</p><p> </p><p>“We should make the bitch pay.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben continued to stare into her eyes as if he was looking into a void. He said nothing.</p><p> </p><p>A voice that didn’t sound like her own came out from her mouth. “Stop. Don’t hurt him.”</p><p> </p><p>The creature’s wand dug into Ben’s temple a little harder before it suddenly changed into a small raven-haired girl. Her wand fell from his head and she felt herself breathe a little again.</p><p> </p><p>Ben stood up and walked back to his previous position between the two. The center.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re a terrible friend Rey. I regret ever meeting you. I would rather die than speak to you again.” Rose said.</p><p> </p><p>She might have been able to convince herself it wasn’t her if the Boggart hadn’t taken on her soft but firm tone of voice too. It felt like everything she had ever expected Rose to suddenly turn on her and say. Tears dropped from her eyes of their own accord.</p><p> </p><p>A sudden gale pushed her, sending her sprawling forward. Rey hit her chin on the floor and felt her jaw tense up. She picked herself up carefully, unable to look away.</p><p> </p><p>“I want to make that bitch pay.” said Plutt, moving forward like he was about to advance on her. An arm across his chest stopped him. Ben’s arm.</p><p> </p><p>“Wait. I have a better way.”</p><p> </p><p>“Do it Ben. Make her pay for it.”</p><p> </p><p>“Make her pay in blood.”</p><p> </p><p>Nothing even felt real anymore. She could barely feel her own body. Her own consciousness. As if her soul was floating somewhere other than there. She swore as she looked down on the scene below from her place in the air her heart stopped for long enough that her entire body should have shut down.</p><p> </p><p>She watched as Ben strode forward and the other two smiled. Smiles of pure joy. She just knew he was looking at her with the vacant look in his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Crucio.”</p><p> </p><p>Then there it was again. The pressure at the edges of her brain, tearing into her head and scattering everything. A lot less powerful than It had been the first time, but enough to hurt. She just wanted to die.</p><p> </p><p>It wasn’t until minutes later did she notice that it was her screams filling the room. Not even as she watched the Professor rush into the room and shout “Riddikulus!”, shooting a wary look at the Boggart in the form of Ben Solo.</p><p> </p><p>Not when the Professor scooped her up in his arms hurriedly and dashed out. Not until the students peeking into the room to see the assignment they were supposed to have had stopped.</p><p> </p><p>Only when the Boggarts had returned to their true forms and were sitting on the other end of the room. It was then that she heard her screams which made her blood run cold and her broken heart ache with pain even more.</p><p> </p><p>She felt her presence as a soul break down particle by particle. Until she was no more. Until she  was <em>nothing</em>.</p><p> </p><p>…………………………….</p><p> </p><p>Rey awoke a little while later in her dormitory feeling newer than she ever had in her life. In fact, she was convinced that she <em>was new.</em> She got dressed quickly and prepared for her Charms class test that morning, ready to finally try out a spell now that she was so invigorated.</p><p> </p><p>She only realized something was wrong when a flurry of Gryffindor’s ambushed her in the Common room asking her if she was alright. She even received a small pastry from someone that had been sent to them by their parents by Owl fresh that morning. She had kept her questions about why people thought she was sick at all to herself.</p><p> </p><p>Rey assumed that she had missed breakfast and was to head to class. Unfortunately, things only got weirder as she opened the door for Charms class and saw a bunch of third-years sitting in it. She hurriedly apologized and left, surprised to find that she had misread the schedule and she had History of Magic first.</p><p> </p><p>When the day finally got down to Charms, after she realized that she had read the schedule so wrong that she thought that she had DADA that day, she felt prepared to get some answers.</p><p> </p><p>“Alright class… glad to see you’re doing better Miss Solana. Since you all completed your tests yesterday we-” she raised her hand and was pleasantly surprised to see Professor Holdo stop immediately to answer her question.</p><p> </p><p>“Isn’t testing today Professor Holdo?”</p><p> </p><p>A perplexed look crossed the woman’s face. “You completed your testing yesterday morning Rey. We’re moving on now.”</p><p> </p><p>She put her hand back down, just as confused as the Professor had been. How could she have done them yesterday when she didn’t do them at all?</p><p> </p><p>It wasn’t until dinner that night, when she heard people gossiping outside the Great Hall did she finally know what had truly happened. And apparently Rey had forgotten an entire day of her life.</p><p> </p><p>How? She didn’t know. All she knew was that she went into the DADA class for the test and came out in Professor Renorum’s arms. Nobody knew where she had gone or what had happened. Nobody could even say what was in the room to give her a hint because of the imminent threat of whatever charm the Professor had used to silence them.</p><p> </p><p>She snuck outside that night and sat in the courtyard, under the stars. She tried to piece together how her months of work to put parts of her brain together again after the nightmare had seemingly been scrambled all over again in a day. However, it was to no avail.</p><p> </p><p>Rey fell asleep that night under the comfort and silence of the night sky. It was simple and easy thanks to not being able to think straight properly enough to entertain the usual terrors. She could get used to that.</p><p>…………….</p><p> </p><p>Friday morning she was back to her usual routine, and she spotted Finn and Poe hugging each other as she walked through the hallway to History of Magic. Her heart sped up a little bit as she pushed onwards, trying to ignore the feelings of unfinished business concerning the two of them.</p><p> </p><p>It was like she was invisible as she passed by them, but they felt very visible to her. All it took was the tears dropping down the Hufflepuff’s face and the comforting yet heated whispers coming from Poe for her to feel guilty. She wanted to be there for them, but it wasn’t her place.</p><p> </p><p>That didn’t mean that she stopped thinking about it. Even when she entered the room and sat down in her place, waiting for class to start and felt Rose’s eyes on her, she couldn’t shake the image. The more she thought on it the more the guilt turned to worry, but not for them. For something… else.</p><p> </p><p>That was all it took for the worry to become an ominous and foreboding sensation. It was putting her on edge. The class began normally, but she found herself looking around frequently: scanning the room for sharp objects, trying to see where people hid their wands, analyzing faces for disconcerting looks.</p><p> </p><p>All the while she felt eyes on her, and yet she didn’t dare to look at them. She needed to be focused. For what she didn’t know.</p><p> </p><p>Time passed as if it had been water running through a stream, quickly and fluidly. It took all her strength to not bolt out of her seat before hearing the words, “Class dismissed.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey was at the door and flinging it open before anybody else knew what happening.</p><p> </p><p>“There she goes.” came the telling voice of Violet, following her down the hallway as she practically flew to the Gryffindor common room. “I think she went mad in that room.”</p><p> </p><p><em>Left. Right. Inside. Quickly.</em> <em>Get to the commons. Password. Light. </em></p><p> </p><p>Things started to shift in her head. Gaining clarity the shorter and simpler they were. It was through sheer effort that she managed to pull even those simple instructions forward through the jumble of data.</p><p> </p><p>She burst through the portrait of the Fat Lady and almost fell face first into the room. The upper years didn’t even bat an eye at her near crash but she found that it was easier that way.</p><p> </p><p>Rey made her way over to a ridiculously warm armchair, getting comfortable before she went back to scanning. The information she took in wasn’t sticking at all, rather opting to get lose somewhere in there. But still, she felt the compulsive need to check for danger around her.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Wait for it.” </em>came her own voice in her head again.</p><p> </p><p>There it was. The calm washing over her that told her that he was near. He was approaching.</p><p> </p><p>Her eyes locked onto the back of the portrait immediately, as if it knew at that exact moment it would see Ben Solo stepping through.</p><p> </p><p>He looked around the room with a tiny bit of wonder to his expression. “You know this is actually my first time in here. I’ve seen every common room but this one.” he said, somehow answering her silent question.</p><p> </p><p>“Solo.” acknowledged an older boy that she was able to vaguely identify as the Gryffindor quidditch team captain.</p><p> </p><p>“Harkman. I wanted to talk with you on behalf of Slytherin about the upcoming matches.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey looked away, feeling a stronger undercurrent of danger now that he was here.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Looook</em>.”her voice said, wavering and becoming almost serpentine again for a second.</p><p> </p><p>She recognized that. Where had she heard it before? That hiss.</p><p> </p><p>Rey found her eyes back on the exchange between the two boys. She was out of the chair and reaching toward them before she even knew what she was doing. “Wa-“</p><p> </p><p>“SOLO!”</p><p> </p><p>The furious voice of Poe Dameron cut her off and all eyes were on him. He was shaking with rage, body tense as if he was prepared for a fight.</p><p> </p><p>“Can I help you Dameron?” Ben replied cooly, seemingly unimpressed by the disruption. It was a sort of ice she had never heard from him before.</p><p> </p><p>“ I swear I’m going to kill you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t swear to carry out anything you obviously lack the courage to do.”</p><p> </p><p>And then Poe was running at him, fists raised. The crack of bone hitting flesh propelled Rey back to the sudden flash of an image of Plutt doing the same to her. She fell backwards onto the floor with a small cry, shaking her head to dispel the thoughts.</p><p> </p><p>Her hands shook and her breath felt heavy in her throat.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Pay attention.”</em></p><p>
  
</p><p>Her voice snapped her out of the spiraling thoughts and she looked back up feeling shaken to witness lots of yelling. Students on either side of the room, holding Poe back as he thrashed against them and others hauling Ben off the ground. He was expressionless as they did so, not even the trickle of blood coming from his head and falling down his cheeks seemed like it mattered to him.</p><p> </p><p>He just looked ahead, unreactive.</p><p> </p><p>Poe on the other hand was still screaming curses at him, face set on fury, and clothes rumpled but otherwise perfectly intact. As if Ben hadn’t even put up a fight.</p><p> </p><p>She watched him thrash for a few more seconds before finally throwing his arms down, managing enough momentum to break the various grips on his robes. He raised a shaky finger back at the older boy, not breaking his intense gaze.</p><p> </p><p>“I challenge you to a duel.” his voice nearly broke, and Rey could see that he was struggling to keep it together. Patching himself up with anger. “If you refuse I won’t hesitate to get you expelled for what you said.”</p><p> </p><p>“I accept your challenge.”</p><p> </p><p>“Room of requirement then. In twenty minutes. I’ll hunt you down myself if you don’t show up.” Poe said, shaking off more arms and cries of protest. He turned on his heel and threw the portrait open, garnering a shriek from the Fat Lady.</p><p> </p><p>Ben just stood there, looking at the spot where Poe had once been.</p><p> </p><p>“What did you do?” asked Harkman, eyes narrowed and voice accusing.</p><p> </p><p>He didn’t answer, instead he just walked out, following the same path as his fellow Slytherin.</p><p> </p><p>She tried to control her heavy breathing, hand on her heart, about to get up from the floor. But she was already standing, having risen without realizing.</p><p> </p><p>The tension in the air was thick and then the whispers shot through the room like a bullet. Enveloping the commons in a cloud of something that she didn’t want to be a part of.</p><p> </p><p>Students began filing out, on their way to watch what was about to go down. She simply followed like a sheep, saying nothing as people called out to their friends about the insane duel that was supposed to happen. As if it was some kind of entertainment. All she could hear was her heart in her ears and the feeling that there was danger being upped with every step they took closer to the Room of Requirement.</p><p> </p><p>When they finally reached she was packed in between people tightly, all squeezing to get into the doorway. She ducked under a few arms and managed to sandwich herself into a gap close to the front of the crowd.</p><p> </p><p>In front of her stood Poe and Ben across from each other, and she could feel the emptiness in Ben’s eyes from her spot on Poe’s side of the room. They seemed to be staring each other down.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben you need to stop!” cried out someone from behind her, and she was shoved into roughly as a sea of students parted for Tai to walk through. He ran towards Ben, throwing an arm across him and trying to pull him back. He didn’t break his gaze on Poe.</p><p> </p><p>Tai turned his head toward Ben, lips moving and a pleading expression on his face. He didn’t so much as look at him. He just shook his head and wretched himself from his friend’s grip.</p><p> </p><p>Tai retreated into the crowd and she looked back to Poe. His breathing was heavy, stance set into one of defense. She found herself drawn to something behind him. There was the girl with the striking white hair. Her brain tugged at a memory, as if it was desperate to make her see.</p><p> </p><p>This was the girl from the corridor the night she had caught Tai and her speaking about Ben’s health. Her face was twisted into one hatred, looking towards where Ben stood. Rey had obviously been misled into thinking she and Ben were friends.</p><p> </p><p>There was something vacant in her eyes though. While her expression was one of malice she could tell that there was something off. The girl, whose name she couldn’t remember, wasn’t all there. She was looking ahead as if there was nothing in Ben’s place.</p><p> </p><p>The two boys raised their wands, brown against black. One looking dark and deadly, the other significantly softer and almost… noble?</p><p> </p><p>Wands truly were an extension of the wizard. She could almost tell who was going to win this battle. But who should she be rooting for?</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Duelling 101</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi everyone!<br/>Late update, can't promise i'll stick to a schedule. Summer school and last month before i'm back on the grind. This is a short one because I wanted to focus on the duel mostly. Let me know if you have any theories about what's going on here!</p><p>Love you all!</p><p>Note from August 12: I'm currently dealing with some family problems :( Can't tell when i'll be back but hopefully sometime before the end of the month!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The tension seemed to reach its melting point as everyone in the room held in bated breaths. The two boys stood frozen in their positions, one looking fiercely protective, and the other looked passive, almost defeated. Yet angry.</p><p> </p><p>It was all she could do to not throw herself in the middle of it and beg for them to call the whole thing off. But even by doing so she knew it would do nothing to stop the inevitable storm coming for them</p><p> </p><p>There was no bow from either of them. No paid respect to the other individual they were about to cast magic against. Rey felt like she was the only one who had noticed the shift in the room.</p><p> </p><p>“Come on Poe! Make him pay!” came a loud cry from the back of the crowd and suddenly there was shouting as sparks flew from the tip of the black wand, chaotic and messily. The spell to accompany it was no better, clattering against the deflective shield Poe put up and firing into the crowd.</p><p> </p><p>A thump hit the floor as Rey assumed a student had fallen, struck by Ben’s Petrificus Totalus.</p><p> </p><p>The enraged cry that came from Poe after that as he sent Avifors in the other boy’s direction. Rey watched as the spell seemed to slow down as it reached him, and without even moving his wrist or saying an incantation a silver shield slammed up from the ground. It caused Poe to go stumbling back with the sheer force of it, and the spell dissipated on the shield itself, as if it had never been cast at all.</p><p> </p><p>Poe Dameron looked at him with wide eyes, half hunched over before twisting upwards like a viper and sending another spell that had blue flames shooting from his wand. Rey cringed and half closed her eyes, knowing what was coming next. Just as Ben’s shield began to come down the Bluebell Flames reached over the part that was rapidly disappearing, causing a deep singe into the shoulder of his robes.</p><p> </p><p>She heard a small hiss of pain as Ben swiped at it, effectively putting it out and revealing a rather large hole through to his sweater vest.</p><p> </p><p>“I can do worse than that Solo.” taunted Poe, as he gave the crowd around him an easy smile. Confident in his abilities to win. Rey knew better.</p><p> </p><p>“I’d like to see you try.” Ben sneered.</p><p> </p><p>He draw his arm back to aim a forceful flick that held the power of ten men behind it as he muttered “Bombarda”</p><p> </p><p>Luckily, Poe heard what he had said, and dropped to the ground, rolling out of the way just in time as the dueling at exploded beside him. It sent him sprawling a bit further away from the dueling area and into some students, who picked him up from off the ground.</p><p> </p><p>Through the smoke on his side of the room she could make out his bleeding nose and a cut on his cheek.</p><p> </p><p>“What the hell.” Poe ground out as he swiped his sleeve over his nose, pausing when he noticed the telltale sign of crimson before he straightened again.</p><p> </p><p>“I remember your words being something about killing me. Why don’t you try?” Ben said, sounding like he was trying to hold back a mix of tears and pure anger.</p><p> </p><p>“I swear I’ll make you choke on the words.”</p><p> </p><p>“Exactly what I’m hoping for.”</p><p> </p><p>“Bastard.”</p><p> </p><p>Poe charged, fists raised as if to strike him again. Ben was ready. All it took was a single flick to the left for him to go flying. Rey was almost crushed as the boy flew into her section and older students began to move backwards in a hurry to avoid impact.</p><p> </p><p>She struggled against the bodies in front of her, just able to hear sputtering and coughing before she ducked between more legs and found herself looking on from a better view.</p><p> </p><p>This time Poe stayed down for longer, and she found her eyes back on the girl from the corridor. She no longer had an empty stare in her eyes. In fact, she looked fearful. Just as fearful as Rey imagined she looked at this very moment, gawking at the scene in front of her.</p><p> </p><p>She watched as Poe finally pushed himself back up onto his knees.</p><p> </p><p>“This is pathetic.” spat Ben, and Rey wondered where such malice had come from. Especially since he had been so resigned when going along with whatever he had been accused of earlier.</p><p> </p><p>“You know what. Screw this.”</p><p> </p><p>Poe jumped up with the little strength she saw he had in him and aimed the wand at Ben. He had pure animosity written on his face as he yelled, face turning red. “Imperi-“</p><p> </p><p>“NO!” yelled out a bunch of students, and Rey was jostled about as hands reached for Poe trying to make him stop. The half-word died on his lips as a ring of blue flames went up around the two of them. Cutting Ben and Poe off from everybody else and entrapping them in their own ring.</p><p> </p><p>Her field of view of what was happening was clouded by the translucent blue flames. Poe nearly fell to the ground again in shock as he saw it, before looking back at Ben, questioning and frightened.</p><p> </p><p>“How powerf-“</p><p> </p><p>“Are you going to get up and fight me?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben <em>towered </em>over Poe. Looking like he hadn’t taken any damage except for a now furiously bleeding nose. It dripped down his face, almost covering the entire lower part until it looked like a mask. The only sign of problem being the slight sway from what Rey imagined was a drainage of energy. What type of magic was this?</p><p> </p><p>She waited, watching as his face changed, almost as if the blood mask had just been a gateway to another one, which had been slipped onto it without anybody else noticing.</p><p> </p><p>A much colder and cynical version of the one she had become accustomed to from him. She could have sworn he had changed into a different person. Someone who she didn’t know. He wasn’t Ben anymore.</p><p> </p><p>Poe got up to his feet again, the amount of energy and power required for the spells evidently taking much more out of him than the other boy. It was in that moment Rey saw a different kind of beauty. Terrible and dark. Just slightly covered in shadows. They flitted around the edges of his robes, tiny finger-looking projections.</p><p> </p><p>She saw Poe touch the ring of flames, drawing his hand back rapidly when he prodded one tentatively. If she could see through the haze properly she would assume that he had gone sheet white.</p><p> </p><p>“Bluebell flames aren’t supposed to hurt the holder. They’re safe to touch. What are these?”</p><p> </p><p>He didn’t answer. Didn’t even move a muscle.</p><p> </p><p>Poe weakly cast a bravery charm, a cowardly move to anyone. But nobody could blame him. They were all terrified.</p><p> </p><p>When he looked more like his old self from the start of the duel he returned to his position. Ben took up an appropriate defensive stance.</p><p> </p><p>“Your tricks don’t scare me.” A pause before chaos. “Confringo”</p><p> </p><p>The volume of flames that came from soft, brown wand was enough to cover the entire area that Ben occupied.</p><p>And then there was that scream. The scream she had heard when she had that awful dream. The same scream she heard before she woke up and was covered with her own blood.</p><p> </p><p>Rey dropped to the ground, her hands around her ears. She was scared to look. Scared to see what would happen if she saw the state he was probably in.</p><p> </p><p>The screaming from other students didn’t even seem to matter to her. It was like everything else in the room but that sound had gone quiet. And when she did finally open her eyes after what felt like forever she saw him.</p><p> </p><p>He was on his hands and knees. Ring of blue flame gone. Hair hanging around his face. Those shadow like projections stemming out from him even more. His clothes were in tatters, singes everywhere, but that was nothing compared to the angry red skin beneath. It snaked from his shoulder up to his neck, and was just visible trailing down his body.</p><p> </p><p>He hadn’t put up a shield in time. He had been burnt.</p><p> </p><p>Poe looked sick, and she noticed he had thrown up beside himself. He was shaking, repeating that he was sorry over and over.</p><p> </p><p>Ben still made no sounds, and students rushed for him. Trying to help him. They stopped when he put a hand up, rising to his knees. A part of his hair had been burnt off too at the bottom.</p><p> </p><p>But she found she was less worried about that and more about the wand clenched in his hand. Emitting furious sparks, as if it was a fault electrical wire.</p><p> </p><p>It had been doing that before. At the beginning of the duel.</p><p> </p><p>Her mind brought something to the forefront from that same night. The sound of sparks as Ben’s wand hit the floor.</p><p> </p><p>It was broken. Damaged. Dangerous for the both of them. Her brain worked properly for what felt for the first time in weeks and she nearly gave herself vertigo with how quickly she got up from the ground. Moving towards them, hand outstretched.</p><p> </p><p>“WAIT!” she screamed, desperate to make it all stop. Poe looked her way in fear, but it wasn’t enough. Because at that same moment Ben looked up from the ground. Purely hateful, and aimed the wand up at the ceiling.</p><p> </p><p>“Descendo.”</p><p> </p><p>The wand backfired as well as shot the spell upwards and Ben was struck by the sheer force of the backfire, sending him spinning as it knocked against his temple. The unruly nature of the wand caused multiple offshoots of the spell. It killed the lights.</p><p> </p><p>And severed the chandelier above them just as it did that.</p><p> </p><p>In the dark she could hear the swooping motion of crystal and metal falling from the ceiling and she knew what was coming. So she closed her eyes and tumbled to the floor, hoping she just missed area under it where it would come crashing down. She covered her face with her arm.</p><p> </p><p>The sound of impact was enormous as glass shattered and flew everywhere across the floor, coming to a stop when it hit her robes.</p><p> </p><p>People were crying and yelling, calling out for their friends and if everyone was alright. Somebody, a witch or wizard managed to get Lumos going and light filled the room as more followed.</p><p> </p><p>She rose from the ground to look at where Poe had been standing, now finding a large piece of metal and broken crystals still attached on top of a body.</p><p> </p><p>They huddled closer, everyone looking at what was there. Poe lay unconscious, tiny shard of glass sticking out of him almost everywhere. Not deep enough to maim, some just small enough to cut, and the metal workings of the frame laying on his chest.</p><p> </p><p>His wand was completely snapped in two, and she knew he wouldn’t wake up if he didn’t get to the Hospital Wing.</p><p> </p><p>Someone screamed to get a teacher and there was a scramble of students rushing out of the Room of Requirement, others staying and holding each other.</p><p> </p><p>She looked around as it cleared to see that Ben was nowhere in sight. Nor were any of his friends. Nor was the girl. From the depths of the back of the room Finn came crashing through who was still left, crying and yelling for somebody to get help.</p><p> </p><p>He knelt beside Poe and took his hand. “I promise you’re going to be alright.”</p><p> </p><p>She wasn’t sure that either of the two duelers ever would be again.</p>
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